• downcast winter day. well they've put a tree in the next room but that's about it. last year i wouldnt have been surprised if they put tinsel around the computer screen. now everything's just.. bare. we've got tins of chocolate circulating the house though, time-honoured tradition. the fairy lights in my room are always there, i dont count them as Christmas lights. i only switch 'em on this time of year because it's winter, it's dark, i need lights. and i dont have Christmas music on. im playing AFI. which is wonderfully cheerful and festive (note sarcasm). its a good time of year for AFI though. they're very much winter. i got my first AFI album for Christmas last year actually. Decemberunderground. December, it's December, see what im saying about the right time of year? i dunno, when i listen to AFI, i just get a general sense of.. seasons. Love Like Winter. Summer Shudder. Death Of Seasons. they've all got the right time of year. even Summer Shudder feels like winter. you land as lightly as the new snow. This Celluloid Dream, my 'theme song' if you will, that's set in winter. i think. there's some sort of story in Decemberunderground and Sing The Sorrow. (Well, of course. the one about the rabbits and how they'll never reincarnate and all there is to face is death; because it's not 336, it's what follows - and what follows will swallow whole.) i spend a lot of time thinking about AFI. i'm actually feeling a bit of excitement when i think to myself 'hey, it's Christmas Eve =)'. at least tomorrow will put an end to this boredom. i dont know how i managed before i had friends. what did i do all day? i didnt go out today, so i had to try and remember what it was i did. the only real thing to do is go on the internet. but Dad kept having a go at me for sitting at the computer screen for too long. i remember it used to bother me too, i used to feel skanky if i was sat there for too long. but now i couldnt care less, i'd sit here all day if i had to. fortunately i dont have to any more, as every day i'm out with my friends. Dad has a go at me for that as well. doesnt like me out there in the cold and the dark. (nearly wrote 'in the glitter and the dark'. told you i think about them too much.) but who goes out on Christmas Eve? today was pointless. i just ate a lot. oh, fucking hell. just took a time-check and it's not even 5 o clock. when the hell is today over with? downed my own body weight in chocolate, im sure, and i have no way to burn it all off 'cause i cant go outside. i feel kind of sleepy actually. there's no way in fuck i'll sleep tonight. basic instinct retianed from childhood; you don't sleep December 24 or May 30. hahaah. i didnt do anything today so there's nothing to write about. oh, i watched a film. one of those rare films that i've actually seen; Mum and Spo dragged me along to the cinema when it came out. A Series Of Unfortunate Events. thats a great title. Jim Carrey was in it. Baize practically worships that man. yeah.. i hate watching films. making it obvious how bored i am. oh and Nige came round. didnt actually enter the house, just occupied my doorstep for a few minutes. handed me my card and my tenner. he said he wouldve bought me the special edition of Hot Fuss, but he didnt have his money on him when he was in Rapture. i thought guys were either rich or generous, never both. guess Nige proves that one wrong. he's a decent guy. wrote 'ps - i know you still do!' at the bottom of the card. that made me smile. it's nice to have friends who know me. nothing happened today. this is unnerving. im just gonna fuck off now cause there's literally NOTHING to write about and its pissing me off how boring today was. when i was little, i used to count the minutes to today. times change.

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