• my younger sister has pictures of herself in her bra on the internet. i feel quite sick. i felt ill already. going to bed too late, staying out in the cold and the dark too long, living on nothing but chocolate and grease from local chippys the whole weekend, it does nothing for you. i feel like curling up and sleeping, and i know thats best for me, but when Dani called me earlier, i just wanted to go see her. after going for so long without friends, i just feel ungrateful if i dont appriciate their company now. i dont know. its how i roll. okay, so it was her and her two friends pissing about at their little sleepover. but she didnt have to put it on the internet. they were taken on my camera as well. its meant to be for art, not soft child porn. maybe im overreacting. but i always overreact when it comes to her. am i protective? i guess so. its just natural elder sister instinct, i suppose. she's so goddamn naive. im not gonna talk to her. if mum and dad find out and disapprove, i'll take the rap for her. ive had to before. when she met that 18-year-old bloke she met on runescape. i had to go after her. nothing happened to us. he was a nice enough guy. but i told her i wasnt gonna get involved when she told me what she was up to. well, turns out i did. Mum found out and all. we were in sainsburys, so she couldnt have a proper go at me. the obvious disappointent in me was enough from her. she told me she wouldnt tell dad, 'cause she knew he'd be livid, and said she'd have a word with Spo. i dont think she did. if she did i didnt hear of it. maybe i should have told her then and there, if i hadnt have gone with her, she'd have gone on her own, and how the hell would you have felt about that then? she found out the day before my birthday and all. i remember feeling so guilty. listening to What I've Done. that was the song that got me into Linkin Park. i got Minutes To Midnight for my birthday. didnt really listen to it 'til the summer. ive only been a Linkin Park fan since the summer. weird that aint it. im not even a proper fan yet, ive still got to get Meteora. will probably get it sometime next week. i'll be getting money on Tuesday. well, Nige said he'd give me a tenner. and you can depend on old relatives youve never met. who'd send a card and money to someone they've never met? this time of year fucks people up. God, i love Nige. he's like the best friend i never had. giving me money when i never even bothered buying him anything and all. he sends me random texts all the time now. we just had this massive phone convo about nothing really in particular. i worked out his bebo password. easy enough really if you know him well enough. he tried to guess mine, but im not dumb enough to make it as obvious as the name of whoever it is i fancy. Nige thinks he knows who it is i like. he thinks its two people: Ben and Baize. is he right? fuck alone knows. cant be arsed with working out how im feeling right now. its two days to Christmas! im gonna be excited for once. ive spent all of December feeling either depressed, terrified or just too damn horny. im just gonna let the next week be nice. go back to being a kid, just for a few days. it'll be nice.

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