• There's someone over me, someone over me, help me! Conversation's bleak and we're running out of sympathy. Signing up, letting go, No one's ever told me no. First time every time. Like the me without the i. God, i hate him. i'm not even gonna write about him. he's worth nothing. he's fucked off now though so its all good. but he had to drag a friend down with him didnt he. always the way. he's a good friend but i cant stand him when he's like this. Mum's catching on. it's quite funny actually. she's starting to not let me go out with those two because 'you always come home miserable'. she gets pissed with them for me. she tells me its not pathetic. he always found me pathetic. "So basically, your mother hates me for a pathetic reason." i just agreed because everything he said was to be believed. you put someone on a pedastal, and where's their appriciation? they just screw you over and let you down. And then the words that stuck with me for a long time. "Your mother's gonna hate a lot of people." You may well have just looked me in the eye, smiled smugly and left me with the words: "i'm just the first in the long line of people who are going to reject and humiliate you." Thank you so bloody much. Why am i telling you this? 'cause i was gonna tell you about today, but he was out, and little things like that can just ruin a whole day. i shouldnt let him get to me but its damn hard holding your head up high when there's someone there ridiculing every single little thing you say. thankfully they fucked off soon enough and i was left with the proper decent people. all good. well i think im cool. proper on the scene. diy fringe. (did i mention? i cut myself a fringe in the mirror after i got out the shower the other day. it's gone fluffy and adopted a mind of its own, and i dont care cause it makes me look better.) raver nails. (proper hardcore nail varnish Dani lent me. flourescent pink, yellow green mate. people have been telling me they like it. of course he just took one look, compared me to a prep and hit me. dickhead.) im sat here listening to Glamour For fucking Better. i mean they're proper hardfuckingcore. he never liked them either. oh, why the fuck do you care? you're long over him. there are better people to care about. like the people who actually care about you. "..Do you believe in angels?" "Yea. i'm talking to one right now." it was a beautiful thing to say. oh, i haven't told you about the angels have i. don't worry i will. just not now. i have to go now. my sister's having a sleepover, and the girls want the comp. its half one in the morning. who exactly's gonna be online? oh well. i guess sleeping's fun too. it's the Christmas holidays now. i don't have to wake up in the morning. just sleep. Just Sleep.. that's an mcr song isn't it. i was listening to mcr earlier. oh yeah. that's another reason he hit me. oh shut up! darling, he's nothing. speaking of Mcr. Baize pussied out of asking Martha out. this is crazy for so many reasons. 1. hes done it before. 2. he knows she'll say yes. 3. he always tells us rejects to bite the bullet and "you never know until you try" and "what have you got to lose?" and 4. he's Baize. asking Martha out is what he does. he texted me out of desperation though. its a nice thought. A friend in need and all that. No GFB in my room though. ran out of CDs long ago so i cant run up a copy. i bought it straight from iTunes didnt i. luckily im getting an iPod for Christmas now. thank fuck. i may have been swearing i hate iPods and 'Never Again' but tbh, i missed that thing. piece of crap. now midnight's passed, it's only three days isnt it? Three Days Grace. Dani told me to check out that band. maybe i should. not tonight. ..n-n-not tonight. i fucking love GFB. i love the way my parents hate them especially. i always wanted music that pissed off my parents. diy fringe. music junkie hoodie. single armwarmer. raver nails. smudged eyeliner. muddy skinnies. odd socks. scarf. irritating music. fucked up teenager with a fucked up look, thats all i ever wanted to be. stuff doesnt just happen. there has to be angels, right? really should fuck off to bed now. getting trippy. Chloe and Sophie are cool. Little sister's friends are usually something to dismiss, but they're actually cool. i'll let em have the comp.

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