• I Will Not Follow You;; Into the perfect grave. So, my friend and I talked for a while yesterday in English. And we were talking about religion and stuff. I was explaining to her that I'm Roman Catholic, but honestly don't want or need to be. This is mainly because I don't go to church, practice this faith, or fully believe in a lot of the things that are stated in it. She was explaining to me how she lives by ENLIGHTENMENT. That she doesn't wanna spend her whole life working so hard to achieve going to heaven or whatever. That she's doing what makes her happy now, and that's all she cares about. These words really inspired me, in a way. That's how I wanna live. That's how I've always wanted to live. But it feels like there are so many things holding me back. My parents, some friends, my academics. And it all seems so overwhelming. In a way, it makes me feel like I'm insignificant, and that I can't live my own life and be who I want to be. It makes me compare it to someone shoving your face in the dirt. Such a rude wake up call, y'know? Try and get it. Try and get it and see what happens. You gotta big surprise coming for you, if it comes down to that. Wait and see. I'll drag you right back down here. Current Music -->> Pretend; Number One Gun I dunno. Honestly, I can't wait till I turn eighteen. Ima show them all how I can be and the way that I want to live my own fucking life. That's funny, isn't it? From the time you're an adolescent, you're always being told that you're getting older. That you're getting more responsibilities. But those responsibilities never really have anything to do with yourself, do they? You have responsibilites for and from other people, correct? So what are you doing to better your own life? In what way are you making decisions that make you happier? Exactly... You're not. Why do many of us have to wait 'till were free of that grasp to take control of our own lives? I don't get it. The people that care about you tell you they want you to make mistakes, and grow, and become usefull in society. But why do they make us wait forever until we are finally able to make our own decisions? Wouldn't they rather have us make them now? Have us fall, and make mistakes now so that they can maybe correct them and help us learn from them? Or would they rather just toss us out on a porch step, watch us stumble and trip on our way up. Our face diving into the concrete, never being able to resurface. All because we didn't know any better? Why doesn't the authority try and make sense of that? Till the fucking end;; Helena. eat your fucking heart out.

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