• I have no idea whats happened, It was all going so well, I was happy Almost in love And not failing at school It was so good, having the time of my life not working at school, flirting, going out until mum came home, apparently she is angry about kieran, and he texted me last night, saying something about how he was sorry if he was weird, and that he loved me anyway, it all went downhill from there we were going to watch some ma movie at school, so I had to get a note and she was all angry and saying stuff about how why can’t we watch pg and that people want us to grow up too fast. I find it hilarious because she knows nothing about her daughter, That she gets depressed all the time That she hates herself That she flirts so she can just be held That she cant control her emotions so she breaksdown and cuts herself………. She is such a fucking hypocrite, Shes only 38 and she acts like shes 50 She never goes out, has gotten fat and is a grumpy cunt all the time You know the other day we went to a concert at fowlers and it was the first time shes been to a club, I mean what the fuck??? And I thought I was sheltered?? She says I don’t need to know about drugs or sex or booze, Why not?? I know about it already I need to forget I have to forget I must forget I will forget I cant cope with this anymore I need to feel the pain, the blood I need to cry, to let it out But it never happens, Its all bottled up and One day it will explode and I I will die from it I cant wait till I can drive I will go into a tree on my 16th birthday, Shut my eyes Pray to die And drive Hopefully it works….. My friends have no idea, they think im happy The ones who know that im not don’t really care They just want a screw, Its shit My life Im privileged in the normal ways A home a school a car food on the table But it seems people always forget about the emotions… People feel, Even if I come across as an ‘ice queen’ (thanks stalker) I feel, Feel to much Feel it too the core, I cant help it if im so passionate If I cant portray my emotions I think I should get help, HOW??? Without people finding out?? It wont work Ill just keep on cutting and one day itll be too deep and in the wrong place, Screw the consequences, Whats the point anyway??? I hate myself so much, My stupid whinyness and depression, How I care so much about what people think The fact I fall in love so easily My weight, that ive put do much on My mind that’s so fucked My boring life It’s a sickness I swear, I feel sick to the stomach Im made of lead A fake stupid weight Living a stupid pointless life I just want to get smashed, to forget forever To not have to wake up and see myself To live my life To be me Couldn’t I be someone else???? I wish but that’s not going to happen Ha I hate this stupid fucking life, my stupid fucking self, stupid fucking everything I wish I was dead There is no energy, No point This shit life should be over I will be dead… It would be so easy A bit of random shit and a deeper slice I will do it I swear…………………………………

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