• i feel like a carved pumpkin. i'd explain it but that would be too pathetic sounding, even for me. fuck everything. what's changed from last year? -I'm more aware. -It's all more predictable. -I'm a zombie now. Tomorrow should be Bluesettes. I don't belong in Vertical Limit. I can't lie to myself anymore. I can't handle not being in Bluesettes. I have to face facts that I fucked up. And as you get older you get lesser chances. I know what kids like me deserve. And trust me, we always get what we deserve. I'm horrible to be friends with after a while. I'm unreliable, I never call back, I forget important things, I'm always atleast an hour late, I change too much, I have a horrible temper, I'm insecure, etc, etc. in the bigger picture, i'm pretty nice. i feel like such a big mess of a person right now. i'm sorry. i should be stronger than this. i'll toughen up. i swear. i wish I could promise never to complain again. but that's something I wouldn't be able to handle. last years wishes are this years apologies, every last time i come home. it's like pushing a broken-down vehicule next to a traffic-jam highway. saddening and so embarrassing.

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