So I've been in this mood for the last few days, and therefore, this is isn't going to be very eloquent... but I've just been thinking, and I feel like if I don't get this all out somehow, then... well, I don't know what will happen, but I have this reoccurring feeling that it won't be good.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how much things change, and how sometimes, just a little change can be amazing for the palate. I honestly used to think my life was over. I had resigned myself to settling for nothing, practically... my dream was to be able to pay my rent from month to month and have two kids right out of school, if I even finished, that is, a boy and a girl-- well, you get the picture. I was ready to settle for a lower-middle class lifestyle, and a job to fit that. Waitressing? Sure. Honestly, I wasn't so sure I'd even make it to twenty-one. And then I lost something; two of my most trusted friends in the world. For awhile, I was inconsolable, and everything I did reflected that.
After awhile, I got scared. Seeing my older friends living the "dream" I had carved out for myself was not the bed of flowers I'd imagined it being. In reality, the world can be a dirty, nasty place, and the majority of the people I had idolized, I soon lost all respect for. Shortly thereafter, I cleaned up my act--a lot. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, by far, but I have actual dreams and goals now. I want to be a Homeland Security/Emergency Management major and buy a Brownstown in Beacon Hill in Boston and have a kitchen/dining room on the entire top floor, overlooking the beautiful skyline. And you know what? It will be worth carrying those sixteen bags of groceries up those three flights of stairs every two weeks, just to have that view. It feels amazing to actually have aspirations of doing something remarkable, and I'm so glad I got myself to where I am today. At this point, I have values, and I'm not going to sacrifice them for anyone, or let anyone stand in my way. If I say I'll do something, I won't let you down. I rarely flake out on plans, feel like a jerk when I do, and hate it when people let me down last minute. That's how much I've grown up. So for all of yous who said I'd never amount to anything; here I am, strong and ready to fight for my beliefs. You cannot change me, and you cannot bring me down. I will take you all by shock, because I am tough yet newly purified, and I'm not letting you shape my life into a cookie-cutter to fit your world anymore. I will not be stepped upon again. For all of you who never believed in me, here I am. Take me or leave me.
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