• Current Music: "Kill" by Jimmy Eat World i'd really like to believe that i'm over everything thats happened these past few weeks. but this morning i have realized that i most definitely am not...i just received a text from "sam" saying how he thinks we could be friends. i know i was the one who originally wanted that, but now, i just don't know what i want. i wish there was someone out there that could just tell me what to do in every aspect of my life. like what to do about sam. what colleges i should apply/go to. how to resolve every single fight i am in right now. but more importantly, i wish someone was there just to help me be happy. i mean for the longest time, i just figured life was supposed to be shitty. that maybe no one ever got a happy ending. there are so many things in my life that are so screwed up, i don't think anyone can fix them anymore. sometimes i wish i was self-destructive in some way. that way atleast i'd have something to do. i'm not big on cutting myself, never got any thrill from it. i drink, but because of my high tolerance for alcohol, it's basically a lost cause if i try to get trashed. i only just smoked pot for the first time about a month ago. it's like theres nowhere to go from here. i'm just at a point in my life right now where no matter what i do, if it's right or wrong, there will always be someone there to bitch at me for it. i don't know, maybe it's just me blowing things out of proportion again. or maybe it really is everybody else. haha i guess i'll never know. i'm gonna go now. i'll post again when i'm in a better mood :(

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