• I know I can, be what I wanna be. If I work hard at it, I'll be where I wanna be .. But there's a lot of things that try to crumble the path. Last night I had the most perfect dream ever. I was an astronaut & I flew to the moon. I read a whole book this morning, but I haven't even started my history homework, & I don't plan on. My mom wants to go to the mall, but I really just wanna disappear. I don't want to live here anymore, go to school here, or anything. I'm losing touch with everyone I ever felt close, and especially with myself. It's hard enough for me to open up to people. This was supposed to be some type of fresh start that would change everything, for the better "generally" as my guidance counselor assured me, last year when I had a mental breakdown & I refused to go to school. But my mom called the school on me & that was the first time I ever told my mom I hated her. Still, to this day - I can't bring myself to tell anyone what's going on. I just keep hoping things will get better, but I think all I'm doing is wearing myself down, living a complete lie. Now, everyone is starting to see through it though, I just hope to disappear. Lately, I've been thinking so much of my past past, and what could've been. Where I would be now, if it weren't for this, here, now. I'm truly disappointed in the way it turned out, in the way I turned out, who I am right now. I wish to pick up the pieces, but I'm completely clueless, I don't know where to start at all. I keep thinking every morning something will climax, and it'll all be over, resolved. I haven;t even talked to my best friends in the world I promised forever to. This whole day, me & my mom have been home alone & haven't even spoken a word. Or you know. My sister's off at work, and as things become clearer, they start fading at the same time. Like in a while, it'll all be gone, as clear as it came.

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