• last night was SO much fun. it was one of the best parties i've been to this year. TJ dunked his entire head when we were bobbing for apples and Nate was wearing eyeliner. that kid does makeup better than me.. no fair. :( it was amazing.. other than one or two things. one, the kid i like in my group never showed, and two, at the end (i left an hour early, grr i hate parents) i got depressed because Tigger had just gotten there and I didn't want to leave. but when i got home... i just wanted to cry. i took a shower to get all the dye out of my hair and i just felt so awful i couldn't stand. i just crouched there, arms wrapped around my legs, and rocked back and forth... i wanted to curl up and die. i thought i was drugged because i had never felt that horrible before. i was... really scared. i didn't want to go on living with my family but i didn't want to die. i never want to feel like that again. i'm afraid of what i'd do if it happened again. homecoming is tonight. i can't go- don't have a date, don't have a ticket, and worst of all, mom wouldn't let me go anyway. so alone... mieolhc is going with E. Tay is going with TJ. *A* is going with Nate. S is going with JC. K is going with B. Tigger is going with TS. CC is probably going with H. and i'm not going at all. and base wanted to go with HG. wonderful how my life works out.. and K says her life sucks. who is she kidding? anyways, its raining and i am kinda depressed. what else is new?

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