• [Eighth Entry]The rain then sends dripping, acidic questions I have a dilemma. Since yesterday, I've been thinking of Kat. A lot. It's.. I sort of wish I could be in a relationship with her. Just the more I think about it, the more I realize we have in common. Games, arts, general mindset and views. She wants to pursue literature, me, illustration. Since I've known here for a long time on livejournal, I feel closer to her personal life. She seems more like the type I could just relax and enjoy the time or discuss deep/philosophical sorts of things with. I have done that, to some degree. I can recall the time she was the first that came to mind when I was feeling sort of down/lonely. I've seen a picture of her, so the connection feels stronger. From the moment I met her, there was a sort of connection, chemistry. At least on my end. *sigh* But, she's in Florida for college. I don't know how long, I don't know where she's going afterwards, and I don't know what she thinks of me. I mean, the times when I most often conversed or RPed with her, I was what, 13-15? Heh. I made a lot of foolish, simple mistakes to make myself look clumsy. She's also two years older than I am, and I don't know how that affects her views of me. I even made the blunder of saying I expected to find somebody younger than I was. Hm. Two sides to that. 1. The reality is I would feel better in a relationship with somebody slightly older, because it would seem like there was less pressure on me to influence it, and it would just seem more comfortable. A large part of it is simply level of maturity. 2. Although I am more disposed to the slow, lazy sort of [feminine?lolD:] relationship, part of me would rather be a little more adventurous, etc. This is probably the type I would be in with Carina. Thinking of it though, I can see myself in a long term relationship with Kat.. but notsomuch Carina. I sought her out on the solely because of our loneliness, and probably dramatized emotions on my part. The other side of that is, like earlier, I don't know where Kat will or wants to end up. My path seems to be taking me to California, even right into San Francisco. And.. I do like Carina. I still think about her all the time. If it doesn't work, I can see her as a very close friend with mutual trust. Time will tell...

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