• Nostalgia...inflicting my life with its bitter sweet pains of emotion. Lashes out at my being and keeps me an arms length away. Wish it would all vanish and fade out of my mind like puddles to the sun yet they resurface at dull times. Wanting something that once was but now falters and fails depressingly. These thoughts are unwanted and keep me from moving on, you keep pulling me down unawares even when you are not part of my life anymore. I just wanted to be with you and keep you happy and whole just to please you for nothing in return besides your smile, laughter, and voice, to hold your hand and feel you there is that so much to ask? Just a friend? Didn't I prove myself truthful in my sympathetic listening and understanding? Did I frighten you off with my boldness and honesty? Why'd you have to do this? Why'd you have to leave me alone? Why'd you have to go? All I ever wanted was an answer, just a whisper, just a word, a hint, even an exscuse...but no...not even that...you leave me with less than I sought out with and a monolith of questions strapped to my back, that will never have an answer, you could've been my answer...my everything...instead I'm morphed and mutated into something I never wanted to be and something I've always despised, all because something as trivial as your inconsistencies and broken promises. ARE YOU BLIND?! CANT YOU SEE THE RESEMBLANCE OF YOU AND THE ONE YOU SPEAK DOWN UPON!? YOU ARE ONE AND THE SAME IN EVERY ASPECT AND WAY!! STEP BACK AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!! Maybe it was my fault for trusting you even though I was thrown away the same way more then once but can you blame me? You were perfect. A match made in heaven as though God had designed you just for me. Everything about you I could relate to. You were beautiful in a way beyond the physical. But I guess if opposites attract then duplicates repel, maybe the answer is as simple as that...or so I wish. You could've at least said bye, you could've at least looked my way for once, you could've at least acted as though you wanted my company and maybe try longing for me for once, you could've at least killed my soul instead of letting it relentlessly hemorrhage on this way unnecessarily. Even now I waste precious seconds of my life on your ass, random outbursts of wanting you still arise from time to time I'm ashamed to say it but they are slowly but surely dying. Just leave me be, I'll walk and wander aimlessly in the dark veil you left me with among the mindless marionettes and gnaw at the nothingness of raw life...But if I ever by some chance claw my way out from this dead fall, I don't want to hear even an utterance of breath from your lips.Here is where I sever all ties. Don't look at me from those waning eyes as if you know me anymore but look at me as if I were a stranger because after all...thats all you ever wanted me to be. (The songs... they speak to me about familiar occurances so vividly and are like memories of my own but they are still not words of my own and so will never replace this gaping void I must fill in for myself.)

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