• [Seventh Entry]There's so much more than this. I finally threw a few brushes on a three year old request and submitted it, breaking a 13 week absence from ~project-shadow. :\ That was a little heart wrenching seeing so many old friends or names I admired. For a split second I couldn't even recognize p-s as my own account. Also organized and cleaned tons of old Maple screenshots. That was really discouraging. I'd even forgotten about some things Carina and I had done. Frankly, it ticks me off. I. can't. manage. my own mind. Something feels a bit unsettling. Forewarning. Imminent? Ugh. Mel's doing this time capsule project in school, right? Putting in some letters, notes, music, and whatnot to remind her of these years. I was thinking as I read about it, what would I put in? To represent this period of confusion and utter failure of memory? A blank piece of paper? ...just, ugh. :\ "and I know that it's so cliche to tell you that every day I spend with you is a new best day of my life" Well. That CD might save a few things. But you know? This just gets me so badly too. Even last year, where I might admit to have been under a fairly heavy depression (if not ton of stress), I may have been happier than now. At this moment anyway. There was still hope. I know that. Carina was probably a big reason for that too. Did I have a goal? I suppose. To catch up in-game, and, perhaps I dreamed, to Love her? Heh. Such shortsightedness. What do I do now? Who am I now? After abandoning the Sonic fandom, and dropping out of interest in Maple. What do I identify with? Conversing with Steven about some old games today was nice, but.. just no, not going there. Why can't I identify with myself? If I were just a little more enthusiastic, drew enough to find a theme or niche.. I give up for now. Homework, you know. (I can already hear groans in the future just reminiscing.)

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