• but do i like the cake? that won't make sense unless you've read Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen...which you should. incredibly good book. but anyhoo. did i mention i bought black and white "gingham" emo gloves w/ red bows on them? ..they sound so girly, described like that. but they're really cool. i painted my nails to match- alternating black +red... such fun. i also bought A Lesson In Romantics. i absolutely love it. Mayday Parade is now my hero :) grr. they were HERE a few days ago with Warped Tour... AND I COULDNT GO! i'll go cry in solitude... not really. wat WILL make me cry sbout not seeing is Projekt Revolution... Linkin Park. MCR. Saosin. and more!! all in one place!! at one time!! gaah its the concert of a lifetime!! ..and it's on my mum's birthday. bah. "the answer boils down to 'fat chance'." grr. not cool. "does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?" oh and Mel, your episode of loneliness the other night? i get those all the time. its no big deal. you get used to it, scary as it sounds. i never wanted to feel that way ever again either. yet... i realized a few weeks ago that All That I'm Living For (evanescence) sounds an awful lot like a description of dissociation... did you notice that, chlo? gawd. still afraid of being cornered alone with my mother... how much does she know? how much did she read? how much can i trust her? all the what-ifs are coming back full force. i haven't felt right since friday. i'll probly never feel the same again. there's nothing quite like having your trust in someone shattered. ...not that i ever really trusted her anyway. =/ i don't think i can deal with this now. school starts in 2 or 3 weeks. my friends... well, lets not go there. each has their own troubles that i really dont want to get involved in.. Chloe's parents. Tay's boy. Anna's brother, if he's not ok by now. Kel's... well Kel is Kel so she always has something to bitch about. Sneha's "NetNanny" that she complains about. and then there's me... ha. little old almost-emo me. i started hating my (NEW!) gloves last night. or was it the night before last? i have no idea wat day it is anymore. but anyway. oh! it was Friday. EVERYTHING happened on friday. my dad asked me, "do u consider yourself emo?" and i was like, "not really... i'm just me." but... i dont want to be labeled. i just want to be me. but by wearing them, i'll be labeled EMO. i'm already labeled a GEEK. is it impossible to just be ME?? (thats a rhetorical question, btw. the answer is a resounding NO.) i also realized the other day how long it's been since i hugged anyone and they meant it. i always mean it. but they, whoever they are, never do. i'm there if they break down and fall, but... if i fall on them they'll catch me too late. i started writing lyrics. they're pretty crappy. but meh... they're saying the truth. they'll never be sung, but at least they're there. well sorry bout the extremely long rant tonight. just had so much come up.... peace love and pineapples

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