• that's right, maybe i can be happy, maybe i can't stop myself from being in love... but inside i know, i'm stuffed with only broken pieces of who i once was...today, this pieces are making funny noises, they're making me cry. Pieces, broken ideas and damaged smiles... all those things i gave... and were given back, but torn apart... and all those things that were worth something in me, but i crashed them...they are never enough for me... I never feel enough. Sometimes i wish... i wouldn't love so deeply... but then again... love's what i'm living for. Living... i remember all those moments in which i wanted to die, i cut myself, and starve myself eating from time to time, a couple of strong pills and smoking cigarrettes... thinking maybe suicide was the only way for me to leave a mark after me. Sad sad thoughts, and twisted bad ideas i remember it...cause once in a while, i can still feel them inside...mixed with the pieces. Making myself miserable is what i know best, today i'm depressed, my wrist can't handle no more scratches, neither does my ankle... i'm praying no one notices this time... i hate them to yell at me for that...they don't undestand...that's the way i deal with the pain of being here, and being me, and the fear and knowing... i'm nothing. You'll see... when i'm alone i'm nothing, and when i'm in love, i give everything, and then, when i can make somebody smile, then... i really feel alive. I just live to serve other people's hearts...and that's ok for me. i always think, that if people could really tell who i am... i would already be tied to a bed in some white place all alone... can somebody get it? i guess all i ever wanted was to be rescued... from myself... i need a strong heart to love me back, so i can surrender to the light of life. Love me please, i want you... come to me.. i guess i was never so sincere.

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