• Bipolar, anyone? Now I feel so lost again. My anorexia is really starting to reoccur more and more. I guess when I speak of the ones who mean something to me, that awful thing just goes away. Aha - I spoke with a girl just a few days ago and she told me I should go bulimic, not anorexic - with bulimia, I could actually eat. Yes, but bulimia tears the esophagus to shreds. At least with anorexia I can eat after I recover. My friends don't even try anymore. Some of them, anyway. But she and I fight it together. : ) And I've been criticized more than ever for it. People don't understand the mind state I was in when I chose to - the depressive side of my disease. :/ But it's working, there's no doubt in that. Off that subject; where ARE all of my friends? No one is online. This Zac guy looks relatively interesting. How tempted I am to contact him and spark a conversation. Just a guy who seems like he can pack a punch of complexity into his simplicity, and that's something I admire greatly. But he'd never be interested in speaking with someone living on the other side of the country. Damn these cursed boundaries. I guess no one understands that I really just want to be with someone. As much as I claim to wish to be alone constantly, my heart is tugged on repeatedly with the longing for someone to hold me. That's something I've never actually felt before. Except that one time in NYC... but that's a different story and nothing special, except to me. The only reason I use this place as my journal is because my friends can't keep up with my entries, and I'd really rather they didn't. : D I don't mind a stranger reading, but if someone close to me ever laid their eyes on these posts, my face was burn with embarrassment. Ah how I want to start this band! I hope we can soon. My vocals and guitar skills must come a long way, though. When we turn eighteen, the plan will fold out. Well - we she turns eighteen, I'll be going into my nineteenth year. How trying can parents be? Today I learn of a dreadful fate that wouldn't seem much to others, but to me, it's a downfall with awful consequences. WHY do they take things so seriously? Life is too short to live restricted and sheltered, and there's no guarantee there's something after. To my next point - sometimes I just feel that wasting away my life, yet enjoying it all the same, is not a bad thing. If all is lost afterwards, for what purpose am I striving? To gain all the knowledge I desire and the attributes I long for, and then to have it stolen from me never to be recovered? Why would I worry and waste my time? I'll probably edit this later to add a bit more. The nightly migraine is coming in and my head is becoming a bit strained. [To those of you unaware, I have routine migraines, daily and nightly, and there's no stopping the illness that will follow.] I hope you enjoyed reading. : ) EDIT: Yay! I got to talk to my bestie. : ) My happiness level just jumped from a low to negative degree up to a nice, sturdy high number. : DDD Yeah, I treasure my friends that much. I'm about to write a new journal. = ) Maybe. I doubt it, haha. xD In a moment, maybe. I've got to go code some profiles and stuff. I wish Photoshop was free. Grrr. >_

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