• im so scared. im.. so scared. someone please, tell me its going to be alright tell me its going to end i dont think i can handle it being an worse than it is right now. i cant take another day of being afraid of whats going to happen. please, make this end. make it be over. i dont deserve this. why is this happening to me? why is this happening just tell me why. do i really deserve this? am i that reckless? am i that much of a disappointment? i know who i want to be im not mental and i dont need help just tell me how to fix it. im just like you, trying to figure out life, just like you. please dont be harsh on me. becuase i cant take it being any worse than it is. help me. please. make it be over. slow down stop stop 11:18 PM - is everything going to be ok? i dont want to go. who am i? i miss winter days where the sun set at 4. and the snow would get in my shoes.. i miss walking across st charles. i miss listening to Do U in the car with Gracz. i miss pong at mikeys and ihop with julia at 7 am totally hungover. i miss being someone.. different. someone who thought techno was new. i miss the darkness of the classrooms around christmas. i miss the dumb fights me and the fantastic four would get in. i miss talking shit on notes to ashley in the middle of social studies. i miss learning all about my new hobby.. i miss JULIA. my sister. she left me. i miss that happy feeling i would get in the freezing cold car at 2 am. i miss sneaking out with mikey and not remembering the next day, nor caring. i miss making fun of tommy passing the fuck out. i miss pissing in mikeys toliet and having to be the fuck quiet. i miss smoking 20 cigarettes a night while watching anne hathaway on this prono. i miss walking with mikey.. i miss that night on the hill. i miss black christmas. i miss drunk movies with ashley. i miss getting ready from 3-5 at my house. i miss getting wasted with gina on new years. i miss michael falling out of molly's car. i miss the smell in the air... i miss the snow days. i miss the park with 10 feet of snow, and sitting in the mall with a puddle around me. i miss gloria jeans. i miss the winter of 07. ill say it. I MISS IT. and i cant believe i was upset then.. because if i knew that was th best part of the year i wouldnt have thought twice about anything. and for the first time in a while, my mind was on something else, on a better time. im sorry that i did this.. im sorry that i became something so shameful. why.. why am i still here? 5DAYS. AND ITS BEEN A YEAR. HOW DO YOU FEEL? ITS BEEN ONE YEAR 365 DAYS 52 WEEKS. AND HOW DO YOU FEEL? DO YOU FEEL BETTER!?!?!?!?!

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