• i was having such a good time last night. then my dad asked me to watch his laptop so i sat there next to it while he went off somewhere and i watched all my friends having fun like six feet away from me. i felt cut off from... everything, i guess. and everything just rolled in... then later, dad said we were going to leave in like 15 minutes. we all went and gave our bowling shoes back. i must have looked sad or angry cuz *A* was like, "what's wrong?" so of course i said, "nothing". i made it seem like it was just that i was leaving in 15 minutes that made me all sad and crap... but it wasnt just that. i've been on edge for the last... oh, i dunno, three or four days. anticipating a breakdown that wouldn't come. and last night, it came. partially, anyway. i think there's gonna be another, a bigger one, within the next week. (especially if i keep listening to Disenchanted three times a day =P) but seriously... multiple personalities, much. one is bracing for the breakdown. another fights the breakdown back. the third watches the others a keeps up a running commentary. i'm insane? possibly. i need a therapist? definitely. i'm going to ask my parents to put me in therapy? never. well, you want to be a psychiatrist, don't you? here i am, your first patient... and now i just spilled a lot to a guy i don't really know, and i'm not even sure why. i just sort of did. i mean, E is a good guy, but do i really want him knowing i'm screwed up? fuck it all. i'm on a seesaw, emotionally. up and down, up and down... mood swings. PMS? dont know. wouldn't tell you if i did. human emotions suck.

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