i was having such a good time last night.
then my dad asked me to watch his laptop so i sat there next to it while he went off somewhere and i watched all my friends having fun like six feet away from me. i felt cut off from... everything, i guess.
and everything just rolled in...
then later, dad said we were going to leave in like 15 minutes. we all went and gave our bowling shoes back. i must have looked sad or angry cuz *A* was like, "what's wrong?"
so of course i said, "nothing". i made it seem like it was just that i was leaving in 15 minutes that made me all sad and crap...
but it wasnt just that. i've been on edge for the last... oh, i dunno, three or four days.
anticipating a breakdown that wouldn't come.
and last night, it came. partially, anyway. i think there's gonna be another, a bigger one, within the next week.
(especially if i keep listening to Disenchanted three times a day =P)
but seriously...
multiple personalities, much.
one is bracing for the breakdown.
another fights the breakdown back.
the third watches the others a keeps up a running commentary.
i'm insane? possibly.
i need a therapist? definitely.
i'm going to ask my parents to put me in therapy? never.
well, you want to be a psychiatrist, don't you? here i am, your first patient...
and now i just spilled a lot to a guy i don't really know, and i'm not even sure why. i just sort of did. i mean, E is a good guy, but do i really want him knowing i'm screwed up?
fuck it all.
i'm on a seesaw, emotionally.
up and down, up and down...
mood swings.
PMS? dont know. wouldn't tell you if i did.
human emotions suck.
in a crowd and all alone
- July 06, 2007
- Zaraiya
- No Comments
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