• i guess i kind of wanted to remember this feeling. im not sad. i think im fiending. i hate to use that word, but i think that describes a lot of what we go through. teenagers. we want to fit so much. and it kills us when we see people that are fitting in, and we arent. this is all so random. and not really what i wanted to talk about here. do you ever just miss someone? do you ever just want to be with someone because they make the worst thing that much better? you just want to be with someone that can make you smile when you think nothing can get better. you want to see how happy they can make you.. but its such a two way street. because whenever someone makes you that happy, they have you in the perfect place to drop you, and when they do, its going to hurt so badly. i think this whole happy hormone thing is so true. when you drink or smoke or roll or whatever, your with someone or you let out all of this happiness. and then when your not doing it, you want to. because when you do that again, or you see that person or people, you remember that night and how happy you were, and you just wish you could feel that way sober. i think thats one of the hardest feelings. wanting something so badly, that you would do almost anything to get it. its so hard to find something that can reliably make you happy. its so hard to find something that will never let you down. something that will never fail you, something that you can never lose. there can be so many examples. idk my brain is everywhere . tommy. gah . the one thing i hate the most about this.. is feeling like a lovesick 3 year old. i hate the feeling.. or being less. of being humiliated. of being laughed at. of being the dumb one. but sometimes i think that letting it out can help in some way? i guess he makes me feel so free, he never judged me . he never cared. and i guess i feel so good around him, i get so happy. i hate this, so many things run through my mind, i want to list them I WANT TO ROLL , i am so pissed that those were bunk i love to drink & i want to drink with tommy again i dont want to leave in a week i want to stay here julia pisses the fuck out of me, i want to fuck over mikey i dont want to be here right now. i hate feeling less. i hate the fact that i dont have cigs. i want a car. fiending . a perfect word. x. on your porch , the format.

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