• Usually I know exactly what I want.. and now I don't which is a weird feeling. Warning: You won't want to read this you'll be bored like no other. Just skip this paragraph. The guy I've liked (and wished I didn't) for the past year (yeah, an entire year) asks me out. I was totally amazed, I had no idea he liked me and thought that he was thinking I was some crazy weird person. Which I suppose I am. I had been beating myself up all year over liking someone who obviously didn't like me and who I should just get over but I couldn't get over him. So he askes me out. It seems like that would be exactly what I wanted, and would say yes immediatly, but its not, and I didn't. I turned him down. I have no idea why, but for some reason a part of me didn't want to date him. I think it was the coward part of me, and I was afraid I'd be stupid and mess things up, or not be at all what he wanted. I don't want him to see the side of me that I haven't ever shown him. I just didn't want to go out with him. But another part of me did, and that was the part that made me beat myself up (again) after turning him down. I felt so bad and depressed and pissed at myself. I still like him. But I don't know what I want with that. eh. FWB? maybe. Then yesterday I talk to him for the first time since I turned him down, and he says hes in a really bad mood and dosn't talk to me (this is on IM). I get talking with my guy friends who's also hisreally good frined. The friend, J, goes on about how depressed my guy has been and how he won't stop moping around and feeling depressed over what I did. I FELT SO BAD. The guy I liked is a player, and I didn't think he'd take it NEAR that hard. I felt bad and depressed and worried and I was regreting, a bit. I tell J how I feel and whats going on and apparently he worked it out with the guy I like, and so now everythings ok (apparently). haha yes wow that was intense. But today I'm feeling pretty good. Last night I wasn't. Hopefully everythings ok now. Summer kicks ass. I love it like no other, but am DREADING next year. New school, only one of my friends is going there with me, and I'm taking a really hard program (my parents, not me) and I don't want to. I kinda wanna stay back at my old school with all my friends, but then again, I don't wnat to do that either. I hate that school like no other. and THAT is why summer should go on forever, or at least until 10th grade when all my friends and I will be reunited in the same school in the same program. YES. Ok, so I only have to suffer through one year. Not bad, I guess, but a year of hell isn't that fun. BUT SUMMER IS. End of story. Listen to this: The Freshman -- The Verve Pipe It sad, but very very good.

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