• there is the one guy who i don't get...we've talked for a long time and no matter how much i tell myself that it's never going to be, i always listen to a song that fills my mind with more hope (this is not a good thing at all). i kno he doesn't want me now but what about 5 years from now?? I know i'll be a completely different person...maybe something he wants. i know it's incredibly stupid to change yourself into something your not for some stupid guy...but human nature does not allow me to hold back. in my mind, i know we are not right for each other...in my heart, i know we are PERFECT for each other. this is some pretty shitty situation i am in huh? he is the only guy i can talk to for hours and hours and keep going...but i can't have him. i never knew what his true feelings were over the 8 months we have chatted - or over the 13 years we've known each other, but never really KNEW one another (if you know what i mean). We can have conversations that cause me to despise him for judging me...but the next day, i still feel the same way i did the first time we really spoke. is that love? i've never had that kind of love before, so i wouldn't know. will i ever know? I HAVE NO IDEA

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