I'm freezing.
Sitting in the dark.
Light hurts my eyes.
And the dark helps calm me down.
I was talking to someone today.
They said: "You can't trust anyone. The only one you can trust is yourself. People will try to tell you differently. And you'll learn the hard way. But in the end you'll see. You are the only one who is trust worthy enough."
This made me think.
I agree with what he said, to some extent.
And because of that, its messing things up.
I can't trust anyone. For anything.
And I wish i did. People are supposedto learn the hard way.
But not now. They're supposed to only figure out what I was told today when they've learned from their mistakes too many times.
I have learned. I think I've learned too early. And now, when everyone else is getting fucked over by people because they have trust, even false trust, I can't do it. I've lost my trust too early, at a time when having trust is what gets you by. And I need to be able to trust someone because this isn't working.
Why? Because of why the guy said that isn't true.
Or at least not for me.
The problem: I can't trust myself.
So many times I've made myself promises. Told myself this time I will keep them. But it never happens, and I fuck myslef over. And that was ok at first. But now, I have no faith in myslef. Deep down, I know that I won't keep that promise I've made to myself. I know this, and sitll I make them. And I know I'm gonna fail. So I've stopped trying to keep them. I don't even TRY.
I can't trust them.
I can't trust me.
No trust = hell.
I don't have faith in anything. not anyone, and not even my own self, the one person who I can be honest to.
music: Losing My Religion -- REM
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