• ..but she'll be back on tuesday. meh. well, i guess i cant keep my happiness forever... jk. im not actually that happy that she's gone. meh. but anyway.. i decided i'm gonna pretend less. it's not like my *ahem* "friends" actually notice anyway. and if she did notice, its not like she'd really care. she's too bubbly to bother with a little nobody like me. ...i'm sorry; did i say "she"? oops, haha. may as well be honest with myself. SHE DOES NOT NOTICE when i am depressed or bothered. and its like, i dont want sympathy, but if she noticed at least I know she'd care. that's the other question- does she not see it b/c im HIDING it, or is she that stupid/oblivious, or does she just not care? i gotta know before this totally wrecks our friendship. MY doubts, killing everything. Just a normal day... god, now i'm gonna cry. i just emailed her everything i just said to you all... god, she's gonna hate me tomorrow. if i believed in God, i'd be praying right now. but at the age of 14 going on 2, i know better. well much love kiddies. feel better than me... wallowing in my imagined shadows and pretended dreams, my created pain and darkened soul. well, there goes my good mood. i was totally laughing over the Spanish version of Whenever (shakira, eww. but its so funny cuz its in Spanish and i am NOT bilingual. lol, i have no clue wat she's saying.) and now i'm listening to Defying Gravity (from Wicked) which just reminds me of her. *sniff* gawd, guyz, i cant do this. peace luv and pineapples 'raiya oh yeah- on the bright side, i'm starting to come around to Tay's viewpoint on CC. lol. i don't know why, but i'm feeling lucky on that front...

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