• [Fourth Entry]Our souls are searching through the cold. Hmm. Novice is a wonderful band. The vocals get a little bland after a few loops, but the lyrics are incredible, so I don't mind. I'm lying awake tonight These days go by so slow Your picture staring down at me It's singing me to sleep You are the sweetest thing (sweetest thing) I've ever seen You make all the gray fade away, you bring color to my life Cause time stands still when you're around You can make the stars call out your name You can make the ocean waves calm Cause time stands still when you're around And every thought of you gives me hope to see this through another day And you're so beautiful and I'm coming clean This is more than I can take and when I sleep I dream of you So don't let go Cause I'm holding on to every thought of you ~ I guess I'm a pessimist. Every time I hear the last line of the chorous in that song, it kills me. Because every thought reminds me of what I'm lacking, and I dread waking to that emptiness again and again in the morning. Yet, I listen to it over and over again anyway. The absolute irony of it all, though, is that I know I'm not ready to get into a relationship yet. There's so much of myself that I need to work on first. Or, just maybe, that's what I tell myself because it means I can procrastinate. I don't have to risk anything. I can be lazy. Guh. It's sickening to think that's the case. But on the other hand, we could stop at "That's just what I tell myself." Then I'm open.

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