[Third Entry]I'm drowning in my sleep.
Those lines.. "I'm drowning in my sleep," took on an entirely.. new, meaning a few nights ago. Oh, this will be difficult to explain. To set the mood; through a string of events I found myself browsing cutscenes from the games Tales of Destiny 2 and Tales of the Abyss. Destiny 2 has a particularly.. romantic theme to it. Especially the 9th scene. (It's on youtube, if you don't mind a lack of subtitles. It was only released in Japan.) It was pretty dramatic. Really sad, actually.
Now, the previous night, I don't know quite what was wrong. But I was incredibly depressed when I tried to go to sleep. It was somewhat painful; lonely. It was confusing though, because my head was thinking this was ridiculous, I shouldn't be dramatic, but it felt like my heart disagreed. Literally, hurt felt.
The night after, when I rewatched the videos, it was almsot the same thing. Except I tried to push that aside a little because there were a lot of things being sorted out in my head that night. ..hm. There's truly no better way to say it. Drowning in my sleep. Beautiful lines..
Gah. This is so insufficient.
I regret that I don't have the time to write this out coherently..
There was just one more significant incident that occurred today. I was with a friend, and a friend of hers saw us. He came to greet her, and asked how she was doing. It really surprised me. She always seems to be in a good, optimistic mood. She answered:
"Not so good."
"Why?"
"I haven't found him yet."
This was..definitely a side of her I had never seen. I still don't even know what to think of it--
Because, if anyone had asked me the same question, in my heart that would have been exactly the same answer. (With the obvious exception of "him," and rather, "her".) I would never admit that though, because I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me, or worry about me. Seeing somebody sad is the thing I hate the most, the last thing I will see is somebody sad for my sake, or at my expense.
Also because, I might love her. Talking with her is amazing. It absolutely makes my day. Because she always seems to have that cheerful attitude, and seeing her happy makes me happy. So, hearing this was almost as if an opportunity had opened up.
But I don't know what to think, because if she's like me, and she really is sad because she hasn't found "him," but just acts cheerfully. . .
Perhaps I'll tidy up the entry tomorrow. It's 3:00AM, on a school night, with about four hours of testing to deal with in the morning. Ugh.
This Too Shall Pass
- April 19, 2007
- TheBlueNote
- No Comments
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