• I hope this isn't a never ending up and down. I woke up today with nothing but him on my mind. All morning i was staring at the clock just waiting for 2nd period to start. It had the promise of being a good day. I got to second hour, no V. I texted him and he told me he was kicked out for good this time. For some reason administrators like to fuck with people. They let him come back for a day & then changed their minds. Everything was going to be perfect. All i had to do was break up with J and it would be perfect. He told me he was going to ask me to prom. PROM. I wanted to cry so bad when i saw that. Do you know how perfect that would be? I wish i could just wake up from this nightmare. I still want him. But him not being there makes everything so much more difficult. My parents would never approve of him. I would be constantly lying. I don't wanna do that but they wouldn't understand. God must hate me. I know everything happens for a reason but i can't figure this one out. I know im a bad person for doing this to J but come on. I'm going to break up with him. Can that be the deal then? I break up with J & you let V come back and go to prom with me? Ugh if only.... Gunna go lay down, eat lotsa chocolate, & watch Greys. That combo always seems to work out nicely. "And its another one of those days when you'd wish it rain already and the sky's no ordinary shade of gray But you make it ok... Ohh yes, yes I do have a crush on you cuz see your trap you know I fell right through "

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