• March 14, 2007 I’m doing this now, because I have to be up at Huron in about two and a half hours, so I know that I won’t have time later. It’s our first game and it’s out in the middle of nowhere. Everyone seems pretty confident that we’re going to win. I hope so, because it’s my first game. I think that I might have sorted things out with Amy once and for all. We talked for a long time last night, and I finally hit on the root of the problem. Turns out it wasn’t about me at all. She was just taking it out on me. Apparently, I’m “becoming something” while she stays “a nobody”. Later, I realized what it really was. She doesn’t want me to be good at something and become really well-liked. I told her something to the effect of that I’m trying to pull myself out of being a loser. She’s really convinced that there is not one good quality about her, so I listed thirty good qualities about her. Now, there’s no way that she can say I don’t care about her. That was also a major part of the discussion. Apparently I don’t care. It pissed me off, because I care very much. So, through my frustration, I told her exactly how I felt about the support through my big step outward. We worked it out, though. We usually do. Amy has such bad self-esteem. As I told her, she should really bring it up. With me, it took three years, Cam, one Latin teacher, and a psychologist. Hopefully it won’t be that way for her. Self-worth issues can be kind of hard to deal with, though. I really think her parents have no idea. Mom and Dad had a good idea of how down on myself I was (probably through Michael, who knows). Hence, I went off to the shrink. Looks like this is down to me to pull Amy out, like I did for Anne and for Cam some of the time. Today has been okay. Morning practice was good, because everyone knew that we got to go home afterwards. I was tired today, though, so I couldn’t do everything. It’s good that Chris isn’t the slavedriver his reputation makes him out to be. Maybe he’s just a slavedriver with the guys. He lets you rest if you need to, because he doesn’t want people stroking out in the pool and stuff like that. Well, hopefully I won’t make an ass of myself tonight. Peace. March 15, 2007- The Ides of March I don’t know why I marked that. It’s a huge Latin thing, so I guess it’s legit. Today was actually much less stressful than I had anticipated. Two big things happened today. Number One: Symphony Band auditions. Number Two (insert Dr. Evil voice): The National Latin Exam. I’ll start with Symphony Band. My audition was at 4:51 P.M., meaning that I had to cut water polo to go. Chris was okay with it, though. I told him in the weight room that I’d have to go, and I just wanted to make sure he didn’t think I was lazy or a slacker or something. I lifted with the rest of the team for awhile and then left for my audition (an hour early). I was sore as hell from all the weights, so I wasn’t sorry to be skipping some of practice. The band room was almost empty when I got there. Another girl from the team came later and warmed up. It was me, a French horn player, the girl from water polo, and Laura (remember her?), who now plays tuba. Now, I may highly dislike that girl, but I felt honor-bound to give her some good news that I had heard. I walked over to where Laura was warming up and sat down on the chair next to her. “I have very good news for you,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. I told her exactly what Toner had told me in Latin, which was that both Blogin and Luis are quitting, and he’s more than likely moving up to Symphony Band. Mr. Roberts loves him, plus the only tuba player is graduating. That leaves one spot open for ol’ Laura. “You’re going to be our sole tuba player,” I said, trying to be encouraging. Apparently it made her day, and I walked back to my spot feeling good. Laura may be annoying as hell, but I helped her do a good audition. You always have a good audition if you go in knowing you have nothing to lose. Laura went, and I followed her. For some reason, I wasn’t really that nervous. At least, not until the audition started. I sat out in the hall and looked at my music, sort of praying and hoping, but not being out-of-my-mind nervous like usual. Then Laura finished and I realized I was up. Swallowing hard, I went in. Mr. Roberts was sitting on his chair and he smiled at me. “Hello,” he said pleasantly. I grinned, trying to be confident. “Hi, Mr. Roberts.” “Would you like to sit or stand?” he asked, like usual. I thought carefully. “Um, sit, I think.” I did. I took deep breaths and tried to do what I usually did in Mr. Fox’s class. “Piece or scales first?” he asked. “Piece, please, I think.” He nodded. “I would recommend that, since you have you get through all three movements.” “Yeah,” I said. “It’s hard for us trumpet players.” Can we say bad attempt at humor? He smiled and picked up his headphones. “I’ll introduce you and then you can get started.” “Okay,” I said, trying not to panic. Mr. Roberts started the tape recorder. “This is Claire Beaulieu on trumpet, auditioning for Symphony Band.” I don’t remember the rest. My brain blacked it out. I know I screwed up my scales a bit, but I really don’t remember how I played the piece. I didn’t totally screw up, I know that much. What I do remember is that I got a nice vibrato effect on the second movement, because my arms were shaking so much. The third movement is my worst, but I think I did pretty good. So now, like chair auditions and everything else, it’s the wait. I’m not flipping out because I know I honestly have nothing to lose. If I make it into Symphony Band, then cool. Highest band, oh boy. If I’m not good enough, then I get one more year in Concert with Ashley and Matt, which would also be cool. They’re fun and I like them a lot. If I move up I go up with Caleb and with Blake. Either way suits me fine. Next topic. The infamous National Latin Exam. Forty questions, forty minutes. Paul really had me worried. I talked to him about it in second hour. I caught Hurley and said, “Tell me all about the National Latin Exam.” “Hard,” he said vehemently. I decided to go talk to Paul, since (well, nothing on Hurley) we’re probably at the same level. I don’t think language comes to Hurley as easily as it comes to me. Unfortunately, Paul was on this integrity kick. He wouldn’t tell me a thing about the exam, except that there was a lot more stuff he had to guess at this year. That really got me nervous. Paul was by far the brightest kid in our old Latin class, and if he had guess, the rest of us little people are in some deep shit. I walked into Latin feeling slightly nervous. Mr. Julius got us started quickly, and I filled out the school, student, and teacher information as I remembered Mr. Vogel teaching us. I remember Renton asked if he had to use a real name. Mr. Vogel had blinked and then looked amused. “You may identify yourself as Captain Zero if you want.” We had laughed. Renton may have been the biggest weedhead of all time, but he was good for a few laughs. I rocked that exam. Maxima Cum Laude. Silver medal. I could tell Mr. Vogel was proud as hell of me. He had this look on his face when he handed me my medal. I was always sort of the star freshman, but it was like that solidified it in Mr. Vogel’s mind. It was my finest Latin hour. I finished my information and started the test. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t nearly as hard as Paul made it out to be. There were a couple I had to think carefully about, but then I think I made the right decision. There was one I realized was probably a subjunctive, so I picked the one that Mr. Julius had mentioned awhile ago. I think I did okay, actually. I don’t think Garrett finished and Toner finished a little after I did. He can’t translate. It’s his only weakness. I was kind of worried for him. He knows everything else, but he sucks at correctly translating. Well, I have until late April to think about it, I suppose. That was my day. I’m out of here. March 16, 2007 Today wasn’t bad. At least it’s Friday. For the first time in living memory, I’m glad it’s Friday. Water polo has me all tired out. I realized that I never did get to talk about the game on Wednesday. I skipped it. My bad. I was right, first of all. Grand Blanc is in the middle of nowhere. The bus drove for probably and hour and a half. We got our bathing suits and sweats on Wednesday, too. The jackets are sweet. It’s black with bright green lettering on the left. It says my last name, which is kind of cool. We had to wear the sweats today, since varsity went to East Grand Rapids for some tournament. But anyway. We got off the bus and some girl from the other team showed us where to go to get into the pool. We warmed up and then the game started. My first game. I was actually really nervous. I thought for sure I’d make an ass of myself. The good news is that I didn’t even play until the second half and the team was really bad. By the end of the first half, it was twelve to nothing in our favor. I got put in along with some of the new people once Chris was sure we had it in the bag. It was hard, but fun. The only bad part was that I got pinched. The rest of the team told me that I’d get far worse. Plus, I deserved it. I think that was the same girl that I grabbed by the bathing suit and pulled underwater. It finally ended as sixteen to four. We won. Actually, we kicked their sorry asses. After that, we went back to the locker room and took showers, then got back to the stands to watch varsity. Interestingly enough, they lost by three. I guess Grand Blanc’s varsity team is a lot better than JV. I kind of talked to people and worried about my Symphony Band audition. Taylor Robinson was really good about explaining stuff I didn’t really get. The funny part about that is that Taylor is Spencer’s little sister. I haven’t thought about Spencer in so long, but the irony was most amusing. They really have the family resemblance thing going on. Today was fairly typical. I got up at about five-thirty and went to morning practice. It was nice to wear the sweats around. It was kind of like wearing pajamas to school (which people do). On my way to first hour, I was thinking, “Do I look like an idiot?” After a moment’s thought, it occurred to me that people have probably worn far weirder things to school. Also, I realized I was only thinking that because I don’t want any kind of reputation. For anything. It actually was really stupid, because there’s nothing wrong with being known as the girl who plays water polo. So I pushed past it. I did get a lot of, “You’re on the water polo team?” though. Not like in a horribly surprised way or anything, but just kind of curious. I guess I don’t give off the water polo vibe. Nick started telling me about all of his best attacks in English, since he plays, too. You can tell he loves the sport. According to Amy, he’s a damn fast swimmer, but he has asthma, so he had to stop. Alex put in his two cents every once in awhile. I told them about how it was my first year and all that. “Play hard, young grasshopper,” Alex said, turning his brown eyes on me. I laughed. You know, I really can’t figure out why Michael hates him so much. He’s a perfectly nice guy and he has a great sense of humor. So now I’m here. It’s interesting to have my audition all over with, since I’ve been dreading it since about September. I looked at a calendar in third hour today, and realized I was counting the days until my audition. I have absolutely nothing more to dread for the rest of my sophomore year. Just Michael leaving, I suppose. Well, I’m going to go relax. I’m out.

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