• January 29, 2007 Another day with me all alone. It’s Monday, but we get today off to recover from finals. I’ve been alone all day, since Mom’s at work and David’s at college. He should actually be home soon. I’m kind of bored and a bit cold. We went to Outback Steakhouse last night for dinner, since it was just the three of us. I don’t know what it is, but I always end up feeling a little sick and over full when I go there. It was nice to go out to eat, though. Before we ate, we heard a Dave Matthews Band song that I knew, but I couldn’t bring up the name no matter how much I thought. I Googled it when we got home, and apparently it’s called “What Would You Say”. I ended up buying it later on that night. Along with that, I got two other Dave Matthews Band songs, “Everyday” and “Grace is Gone”. I have to say, I love “Everyday”. Since no one is here, I was dancing around upstairs singing it. I burned a really cool CD with all the songs I bought, plus “Lips of an Angel” and that Lit song, “My Own Worst Enemy”. Michael is going to be after that CD. I’ve been practicing for my solo. I think it’s going to be okay. I worked out all the rhythms that were hard for me, so I just have to work on getting it up to tempo in the next five days or so. Ashley is supposed to call me today to tell me the time we’re going to practice at her house. Hopefully Caleb and Blake will be home this time around. Despite what MacArthur said, I think we’re doing pretty good. Caleb and Blake have a hard part, but they’re doing good. That doesn’t stop me from being nervous as hell about going to Solo and Ensemble. On that note, I’m going to go work on my solo. January 30, 2007 Well, today was the first day of the second semester. I have seven hours. I was really quite bummed. I like six hours just fine, thank you very much. But, on the plus side, I’ve switched Speech for Western Civ. and I know that’ll be okay. I have Western Civ. third hour. It’s probably going to be the best class ever. Karen, Wyatt, and Grace from English are in that class. I don’t know about Mr. Overbey (or Kent, as he wants to be called). The man can tell a long, hairy story very well. Half the time I had no idea where he was going with whatever he was talking about. He (like Mr. Fox, funnily enough) has a huge monotone, but he’s funny when he wants to be. Well, I have some people I know in that class, so I’ll have some fun. My second new class is Personal Fitness. If that weren’t a required class then I wouldn’t be taking it. I am unathletic and I know it. My teacher for that is a dude named Mr. Simons, or Coach Si. He seems... dense. He’s really old and not really a great thinker. We don’t have to bring clothes until Thursday, which is good, because I was stressing out about whether I should bring clothes today or not. It’s mostly freshmen, but I know a girl in there who was in Samulak’s class with me last year. Today was actually decently interesting. Fuzz is back for good now. I’m happy that he’s back. He actually contributed to a rather interesting scene involving the Walrus and I today. We took Fuzz down to see him, because he mentioned that he wanted to see him. The Walrus made a huge thing about seeing him for the first time, even though I had let him know that Fuzz was coming home awhile ago. We were all standing there talking, me, Amy, Fuzz, the Walrus, Karen, and Anne popped in every once in awhile. He was joking around like usual, and it made me realize how much I missed the guy that was my friend. Amy had to open her big fat mouth and she recalled the time of the note. I swear he had nearly forgotten. “For the record, those two suckered me into it,” I said, pointing an accusing finger at Amy and Fuzz. He looked me straight in the eye. “Do you really feel that way?” he asked in a sort of quiet voice. I smiled. “No. I’m glad I did it.” And I am. Even if it didn’t work out so well, he served his purpose. Then, it was the strangest thing. We looked at each other and he said, “I’m sorry. I had something good and I just...” he trailed off. “I was an ass.” I was taken aback. If anything, I should be apologizing. “Don’t be sorry. It was my fault. I got grounded and everything.” (Note: Total Lie.) “Still, I feel bad.” “Don’t feel bad,” I said back. I took a look at him, sighed, and said, “I’m sorry it worked out this way.” We hugged and then stepped back. I realized then that, right there, that was it. The end of a ten-month saga. Karen looked very confused. I laughed. “Very, very long story,” I explained. “Yeah, it is,” Amy put in. Fuzz nodded. And it was almost like a miracle in Earth Science. I swear, the ice was broken. It was like I was seeing the guy for the first time since I told him on that bright day in May during the fire drill. It was like last semester, only without him and Amy going at it every other day. We joked around the whole time. It was the best day in Earth Science for a very long time. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I ended up with an A in English for the semester. Some people switched out, and other people switched in. Right now, I sit next to a kid named Alex Pearlman. It’s killing me. I know the name, but I have no idea how! I’m going to ask if Mom and Dad know the Pearlmans. He’s a perfectly nice guy. I like him so far. Nick and Paul both know him. Right now, we’re reading a weird book called Kindred. It has a lot to do with time travel. We’ll see if I like it or not. Mr. Julius also put up the grades today. I went to go see my grade with some trepidation, since, looking back, I didn’t think I did all that good. I glanced at my student number. 113681. Semester Grade: A. Huh? Final Grade: A+. No way, I thought. No freakin’ way. I was ecstatic. I really thought I hadn’t done that great on it. I was so happy I gave Mr. Julius a big hug. I was so happy. That means that I’m getting four As this semester, Bs in Speech and Earth Science. Then we all watched Spartacus. It’s actually kind of cool. Mr. Julius said he didn’t want to do anything related to finals anymore, so we watched a movie instead. Toner made Garrett take off his hat before the movie and I gasped. Garrett had cut off all of his blonde curls. It’ll take some getting used to. What is it with guys and getting a Marine cut lately? Ashley gave me a ride home, since Dad and Michael were coming home from Purdue. Her mom is really nice. I kind of felt bad, since I hate it when my friends have to act as my taxi service. But, I don’t know how the seventh hour bus works yet, so I had to do something. We’re probably going to do our practice for Solo and Ensemble tomorrow. We’re doing good. I’m not worried. Now I’m here. Dad and Michael are back. I should probably go talk to Dad, since I haven’t talked to him for a few days. January 31, 2007 Not much happened today, unless you count that I’m getting used to having a seventh hour. I still hate it, but at least it’s a little better. Coach Si is kind of a nut job, but he’s an okay guy. Today he showed us the locker room and the weight room and such. I hate taking a class with so many freshmen. I think all freshmen should be consciously sedated until they learn to grow up. Mr. Julius got sick or something, so we got another Latin sub. This one actually showed up. Fortunately, he was totally out of it. Toner, Garrett, and I played tic-tac-toe on the board, then hangman. Garrett and I got into a debate over hangman strategies. I say you should always name vowels first, because every word has them. He said that you should name the most common letters first, like R, S, and T. I missed a couple of the easy ones, then Toner got in on the act. His word was “unrhythmic iambic pentameter”. I had to roll my eyes. “You have been spending way too much time with Mrs. Wright,” I told him, shaking my head. He has her this year. I told him how sorry I was. She’s a bitch to freshmen, in the words of Blake. It was kind of hard, dividing attention between Toner and Garrett. I mean, at one point, I had two hangman games going, me versus Garrett and me versus Toner. Sometimes Garrett would come to our game and whisper suggestions in my ear. I try to give them both equal attention, even though I seem to be more inclined towards Garrett. Yet I hang with Toner for his sake and because I honestly like him. Nice guy, really. He’s misunderstood, but in a way he reminds me of a cross between David and Cam. It kills me, because I know how he feels. I’ve had experience as a freshman going after the attractive sophomore who I could never have. It sucks, and I don’t mind Toner. The student teacher in English isn’t all that good, and quite frankly, I miss Mr. Wilson. She’s a pushover and the only reason she’s kind of in control of the class is because it’s mostly guys who think she’s hot. I like Mr. Wilson’s style a lot better, where we just read the book and talk about it in class. She has us put a bunch of sticky notes on the book about stuff we found “interesting”. I wonder how far away March is... Speaking of which, I’m going to go read Kindred. Damn awful sticky notes reading assignment... February 3, 2007 Whoa. Been a few days. Well, it’s the wonderful month of February now and it’s damn cold. We’re supposed to hit minus three or something tonight. On the extremely bright side, today was Solo and Ensemble, and I am done! It was really hard this year, since I got two twos. I can make excuses to my parents and friends, but I can’t make them to myself. A two kind of made me mad at myself. Strangely enough, I was so calm on the way over. I remember the car ride over last year. I was listening to “Vindicated” (Dashboard Confessional) and freaking out. This time, it was better. Mom even commented on how calm I was. I went to the practice room alone. I spied Blake on the other side of the room, talking to some people. I suddenly realized who it was. Zach’s brass quintet. Just take a wild guess at who the tuba player is in that quintet. I heard a story concerning them, which Blake had me cracking up at. Laja, who’s the other trumpet besides Zach, showed up about a minute before they had to play, so Blake was setting up to fill in. Then Laja came at the very last minute, but then Coleman Alexander, the French horn player, had to leave mysteriously for something in Huron Players. So, they had to draft a horn player in Symphony Band who was passing by. Also, Luis showed up in jeans. That cracked me up. Jeans are a tad frowned upon in Solo and Ensemble. “It’s too bad you missed it,” Blake added. “It was like a bad soap opera.” We played our quartet piece. We definitely got off a little, but somehow we pulled it back together. In the end, we got a two, which I think Blake was disappointed in more than anyone. Mom said we sounded good, but she’s my mother, so she’s required to say that. After that, we went to go get some lunch at McDonald’s and I told her stuff about band in the car. Then it was time for my solo. Actually, it wasn’t. We were backed up by two hours. The room itself was backed up by about twenty-five minutes, but since Susan Wagner had to do a bunch of other peoples’ solos first, we ended up waiting for two hours. I’m not even kidding. That really had an impact on my solo. I was really dried out, so I couldn’t hit a lot of the notes and a few of the articulations. And, of course, I got the hardest trumpet judge. Glen Ackers. I’m not going to say that like he’s on my list or anything, but he was really hard. He made some kid cry, a kid who was playing the same solo as me. He gave me a two, which I was glad about, in the end. It wasn’t my best, and I knew it. I wonder what Blake got. He was playing the same piece as me, too. We went home after that. I was beat. It had been a long day. The rest of the day was easy. I hung out and watched Court TV for awhile. Then, we had to go to our grandfather’s seventy-eighth birthday party. He’s actually a funny guy these days. Sometimes I forget he’s the guy that Dad tells all the horror stories about. The dude was a terrible father. That’s part of the reason the last four of Dad’s brothers and sisters are so messed up and are going to be forever, probably. I’m really glad Solo and Ensemble is over. I hate Solo and Ensemble. In the practice room, waiting for my solo, I realized that I would rather audition for Mr. Roberts than for some judge who doesn’t know me. I don’t know why, but I would. Mr. Roberts isn’t really all that scary. He’s just a really good musician and band director with a slightly swollen ego. Man, I hope he doesn’t give me a bad comment this quarter. He shouldn’t be angry with me anymore. The last time he yelled at me was a long time ago. Grades do come out kind of soon. As far as I know, I got three As, one A-, and two Bs. The Bs were in Speech and Earth Science. The As were in Latin (since I found out I got 113% on the final- second-highest grade of all Mr. Julius’s finals), English, and band, if I’m on Mr. Roberts’s good side now. The A- was in Geometry, which pissed me off. I had an A! I need to calculate all those, but I think I got around a 3.6 GPA. Not bad for a slacker. Okay, it’s late, so I’m going to bed. February 5, 2007 I’m supposed to be doing Earth Science homework, but I’m already kind of done, so I’ll just hang out for awhile. We had a snow day today. Well, more a cancel-school-because-it’s-freezing day. The temperature this morning was ten below or something, and Ann Arbor was included in the districts that didn’t have school. I kind of hope we have one tomorrow, too. Whatever. I’ll try not to jinx it. I literally did nothing today. I went back to sleep after I heard the announcement on the radio, and had some strange dreams. What I remember is that I was on the edge of some village, trying to save some animal over and over. I found the animal down a gorge, right above a river. The water was unnaturally blue. Then, I was in Mr. Drake’s room. I was in the room with a bunch of animals, and they could talk. The only animal I remember was a white tiger, and he had a boy’s face. Tigers mean emotions that scare me. Odd stuff. At about quarter to one, I finally woke up. It was really bright outside, which is really weird for Michigan. I got up and got some breakfast, and found out that David had been sick upstairs. I swear, he’s got some issues. He throws up like once a month, and I haven’t thrown up since last May, and that was the first time in about four years. The rest of the day, I just hung out and did nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s been fun. I finally did calculate my GPA with what I got this semester. If all my grades stayed the same, then I got a 3.61 GPA. “That’s respectable,” Michael commented. Well, gee, thanks. He wouldn’t have told me that I did well unless I had gotten a perfect 4.0. I thought it was funny that Michael and I got the same semester grade in Geometry and from the same teacher. I wonder if Mr. Kim noticed that. We both got an A-, according to the transcript that I found on his desk this summer. But that’s enough for me. I did as well as he did in math, which is a real first. This year has been going so great. I have good grades! Really good grades, grades that can get me into a good college. So is this what all those teachers in middle school used to preach at me, that I have potential? Mr. Thobe in particular used to go after me, because he knew that, despite how I acted in his class, I really was smart. I’m loving this. I love school. Right now, I’m not sure if I want to go back to school. Another snow day would be nice, but I’m sure I’ll be going crazy by tomorrow night. I kind of miss Latin. What’s my school career without Toner and Garrett? It’s good we finally found a language that I like. I should probably get off of here, before the parents catch me. February 6, 2007 And yet another snow day. I’m bored and blasting “Semi-Charmed Life” to drown out David’s music. Amazing how different two people can be, people who are raised in the same circumstances and have the same parents. It’s hard sometimes, but at least I have Michael, I guess. I didn’t realize until I looked up the lyrics awhile ago that “Semi-Charmed Life” is a druggie song. It’s about being addicted to crystal meth, actually. The sky was gold It was rose I was taking sips of it through my nose I wish I could get back there Someplace Back there Smiling in the pictures you would take Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break It won’t stop There’s a lot more too it than that. The whole thing is about two really long verses. He never does get off of crystal meth. Sad song. Well, there is officially nothing to do here. We found out that they canceled school last night. It had been on the website for a long time. I would have called all my friends to alert them that school was canceled, but it was pretty late, a little after eleven. I think every school in the county was closed today, because I heard on the radio that there were too many school closings to say on the air. Damn, I thought. That must be a lot. I ended up having a dream that we did have school. Now I’m sort of hoping that we’re going to have school tomorrow. I don’t think I’ll be able to survive any more days like this. All my homework has been finished for awhile now, so it’s not like I can do anything to expand my GPA or something. Hm, that reminds me. Grades probably come either today or tomorrow. Let’s just hope that Roberts lays off this quarter and doesn’t give me a bad comment. Well, that’s all for now. ‘Bye. February 8, 2007 Quite the interesting day today. A lot of stuff happened. The first of all that was that we got our course selection sheets via the annual pointless assembly for the class of 2009. I got to skip second hour for it, which I was kind of glad about. The student teacher drives me nuts. I had forgotten that we probably had the assembly today, since we had a test in Geometry, so I was focusing on that. Nick brought it to my attention when I walked into Mr. Wilson’s room. My last name starts with a B, so I went with about half of Wilson’s class to the auditorium. I sat with Amy and Karen and we made snide wise-ass comments all throughout the assembly. Karen is hilarious. I’ve decided what classes I’m taking. Band, Latin 3, Chemistry, U.S. History, Algebra 3/4 (kill me now), AC English, and some elective. I think AC will be good for me. I like English a lot, and I might get Karen, since she’s taking it too. During the assembly, Mrs. Caudle started talking about Health or a required class or something, and I started thinking about how I hadn’t taken Health yet, and how I really didn’t want to take it with a bunch of people who are freshmen now. Then a brilliant idea hit me. Maybe there was a summer course or something that I could take in its place! And that led me to Mrs. Caudle’s office at lunch, along with everyone else and their grandmother. And that was the place that a really interesting thing happened. The line was really long, at least five or six people. The Fairy March came up and joined the party. I grinned and made an attempt at friendliness, since we’re in Geometry together and all. “The line’s really long,” I said somewhat lamely. He nodded and I ended up striking up a friendly conversation about math. “So how did you like the test today?” I asked. And that set it off. I can honestly say that I’ve met the famous Fairy March now. We’re actually really similar. I like him, actually. I think he’s a nice guy. Kind of quiet, but a nice guy. Amy came onto the scene with me a little later, and we all talked. It was odd, like one of those things you don’t really expect. I talked about how embarrassed I was about how bad I did last year. “What’s your GPA?” he asked. “You just met her!” Amy protested. I laughed. “Well, now I have a three-five, but I did really bad last year.” I handed him the transcript that Mrs. Caudle had given me. “You wouldn’t even let me see that,” Amy interjected. I rolled my eyes. “You can,” I said. “I was joking.” “You got a C- in Samulak’s class?” she asked. “Samulak’s class was so easy! No wonder you got a bad GPA,” she added. “I have a three-five,” I retorted. “Observe the three-five.” I glanced at the line and sighed, “I’m going to have to get a pass to Drake’s class.” Amy groaned. “I am in no hurry to get to math,” she complained. “Skip!” the Fairy March and I said together. “I’m not going to skip, you guys.” “You’re outvoted,” I said, grinning. “You have to skip.” I’m glad I finally talked to him like Amy has been after me to do. My main wish is that this doesn’t turn into what it was with Zach and Alex. She says it won’t, but I’m not sure I believe that. I mean, Alex was just her boyfriend, and she loved this guy. If I make one wrong move, I’m scared that it’ll be the same thing. In other news, I dropped Personal Fitness. After the Fairy March scene, I went in to see Mrs. Caudle and she told me that it was in my better interest to take Health in Personal Fitness’s place, seventh hour. She told me to come back after Latin and talk more about it. I’ll fast forward and say that we ended up switching me. As much as I’m going to miss “Coach Si” and the rest of Personal Fitness, Health is better. I got some lady named Mrs. Symington. I like her so far. She gave me an override to get into her class, anyway. I just pretty much went from one blowoff class to another, really. So, yeah, that was my day. Until tomorrow or whenever. February 9, 2007 Well, I’m finally getting into the rhythm of my new schedule. After school, I rode the city bus home for the first time on my own. To tell you the truth, I was kind of scared. You can get really lost on city buses if you don’t know where you’re going. However, I pulled it off with no incidents. Victory for Claire. I realized on the bus that this is, in some ways, the first step to adulthood. Getting yourself home without your parents having to come pick you up and worry about you. I forgot my course selection sheet today, so I couldn’t get Mr. Kim to sign me for Algebra 3/4. Course selection is suddenly becoming a huge thing to the sophomores. Last year, everyone just kind of picked generic classes, but this year everyone’s all freaked out about what’s going to look good for college and what won’t. Amy is getting all bent out of shape about how she needs more AP-like classes. I suggested that she take AC with Karen and me, but she absolutely hated that idea. She’s a slow reader. It sometimes kind of annoys me how Amy complains about stuff like that but she’s not willing to work to earn the grade. For example, she could probably pull off AC if she just worked at it a little, but she doesn’t want to and complains. “All my friends are taking AC this and AP that,” she said during lunch. I didn’t really know what to say to that. In the end (I’m sure it was because she was sick of all our AC English talk), she said that it might not even matter, because she might be moving to England. Oh yeah. Amy might be moving to England (the Walrus, too, actually). Her dad sent an application out there. I don’t know how to react. Really. It was one thing when she might have been moving to D.C., but now to a whole ‘nother freaking country? It sucks big time. But on the other hand, I’ve realized recently, we’re becoming really different people. Sometimes I would rather just talk to Karen about stuff that we have in common. I mean, I get a work ethic this year and suddenly everything changes. Suddenly I want friends that can talk about the stuff I talk about. I don’t want to say “smart friends”, but just aware friends, I suppose. That’s all for me. ‘Bye. February 10, 2007 I realized a few days ago that the snow will probably be melted kind of soon. We only have eighteen more days left in February. It was a nice thing to think about yesterday, when I had to make the hike home from the city bus. Eighteen more days, and not all of them school days. I won’t even be taking the bus for all those school days. Then it’ll be March. This year’s going fast. It’ll be summer before I know it. I think I had one of those epic dreams last night, one of those really big dreams that go a long time. I think it had to do with me going on an adventure of sorts, kind of a rescue mission. I had to get past this wall of soldiers. They would attack if I tried to get by, but otherwise they just stood there. I don’t know how, but I got by. Then I was descending down into a hole to find something. I ended up saving three babies. Then I was in my living room, trying to take care of them. I was thinking of them as dogs for some reason, and sometimes they even appeared to me as dogs. I decided to put them in the playpen but couldn’t do it. I was thinking to myself, “This would be so much easier if they were puppies!” Other than my weird dream, the day has been kind of boring. Typical Saturday, I suppose. February 12, 2007 I didn’t get to sleep until forever last night. I had a lot on my mind. It started when I realized another drawback of seventh hours. I’m going to have to give up practice club. Michael can’t take me after seventh hour, because he has to lift weights. I was pretty upset. “I don’t do a whole lot, you know,” I said angrily to Mom and Michael, down in the basement. “This is important to me!” After awhile, I realized that I had lost. I was going to have to give it up. I cried, as stupid as that is. Michael walked in on me feeling sorry for myself and said, “You know, if you want something to do this semester, you could do a spring sport.” I told him no. No way. I suck at sports, remember? It’s especially bad, because Michael’s a pretty great all-around athlete. “You could do lacrosse,” he suggested. “You would be a great goalie.” I put my foot down. “No way. I highly dislike the lacrosse girls.” And I do. They’re a bunch of athletic bitches, and I hate that word. “Besides,” I added, “the only sport I would ever consider is water polo.” Truth be told, I thought about playing last year, but I was too scared. In the shower about a month ago, I thought again about what it would be like to play. Too bad I’m a pansy. Michael’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!” he exclaimed. “You should do that!” I had really nothing to say. I couldn’t let him talk me into this. No way. We ended up talking for another hour. I told him just about everything, about how I didn’t want to have to break in to the team and how I didn’t want to make myself look like an idiot. Also, I didn’t want to be the sub-par athlete next to my fabulous older brother. He shrugged, apparently unconcerned. “We can both be athletes, you know.” Athlete. Just the word sorely tempted me. Every single time I even hear the word I wish I was one. But there were too many reasons not to, and I told him so. Most of all, the idea scared me. Really. On the inside, I’m scared of what people think of me. Also, I haven’t had a good record at breaking into teams. Then I told Michael a story. When I was in late elementary school, I played a lot of soccer. Looking back, I was nothing spectacular, but I really liked it. One day, a little before Christmas, Christy invited me to join her team. They weren’t Rec and Ed, the elementary school thing. They were United, the next step up. I was way excited. I thought everything would work out just magically. However, that was Naomi Kesten’s soccer team. To this day I have no idea what I did wrong. They hated me. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t fit in. A girl named Jenny Chappuis picked on me the most and I hated that team with everything I had. The one bright point of that season was the game that we were missing most of the team and I ended up scoring three goals, which conveniently made Jenny and Naomi hate me more. They purposely excluded me and I can’t forget it. I know I was much different back then, but I still remember. That was the end of my soccer career forever. And Naomi hasn’t changed one bit, for the record. “It’s not like that in high school,” Michael promised me. In the end, I realized he was right. I could bring up a million reasons to not play, but for once in my lifetime I had to be brave. Michael outlined all the reasons why I should. The one that most appealed to me is that I might get my letter. I have crazy fantasies of lettering in something trumpet unrelated. Also, as he said, I would meet a whole other group of people and the semester would fly by. And that’s what drove me to talk to Karen today. “Are you seriously thinking of joining?” she asked, grinning. I nodded, and that set off the conversation. Karen was really helpful. She told me that a bunch of people join up as sophomores, some even as juniors, like Lisa Winters. (If you remember, her brother Peter was my squad leader freshman year at Interlochen.) She joined water polo as a junior and was elevated to varsity at the end of the season. Amy couldn’t believe it when I told her. She kind of overheard, but I kind of told her, too. “So, tell me about this game you call water polo,” I said jokingly to Karen at lunch. “Especially since I’m thinking of joining,” I added for Amy’s benefit. “What? Seriously?” she said incredulously. “But you can’t swim, Claire!” That nettled me. “I can swim very well, thank you very much,” I said back coolly. I’m a great swimmer. I’ve always been. I think Amy just felt strange, though. She started going on about how she would never play any sports. Maybe she thinks I’m slipping away or something like that? Whatever. I’m still me, even if I do starting playing. So, yeah. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, I want to do this, but there’s a part of me that’s really scared. I’ve never played in my life! I don’t know the rules or anything. Karen said it wasn’t a problem, but I still worry. I told myself I’d look up the rules on Google on the bus ride home. I’ve got to do some thinking. I need to pray for the strength to do this or something. Okay, that’s all for now. I’m out of here. February 14, 2007- Valentine’s Day It’s yet another snow day. Someone kill me now. We got a huge storm last night, so now I’m sitting here being incredibly bored. However, I think that everyone with a girlfriend or boyfriend is happy, because that means they can get together today outside of school. I know Anne and Cam are at his house today. They’re a good couple. Cam calls me Shorty now. I call him Banjo in retaliation. If school hadn’t been canceled today, Amy would have skipped English, for kind of a strange reason. Yesterday, she was at her creative writing thing with her English class in the library, and she read a story about a really bad summer in front of a bunch of people. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really understand what was so damn mortifying about it. However, I spent about an hour telling her not to. It sort of made me mad, because she’s satisfied if she looks like a weakling! Maybe I have personal honor issues or something. Well, I finally did end up looking at the rules for water polo. It seems like there’s a lot to it. The fouls pretty much say you can’t do anything. I’ve heard that referees ignore a lot of it, though. Karen told the coach that I’m probably going to join, and he told Karen that she should bring me soon, so I can be as prepared as possible. I’m having kind of a weird mix of emotions on this. I really want to do this, like really bad. Yet I’m scared. It’s like I can’t wait, but I’m scared to death. If that makes any sense at all. I was sort of thinking, maybe I could get Anne to join up with me. She told me last year during a karate class that she planned to go out for water polo. I asked her about it, but she had to go, since she was off to Cam’s place. That would be really cool, and would be beneficiary to her, since she once told me that her classes have a bunch of assholes in them. Freshmen have it so easy. I wish I had known that. So, the way I’m going to make myself not wimp out is to repeat all the good things that are going to happen because of this. I’ll play a sport and be considered an athlete and contribute to the 60% or whatever of Huron people that play sports. I’ll meet new people and they’ll probably like me. I might get my letter and get one of those spiffy letter jackets. Athletic involvement looks good for college applications. Also, (although this is stupid) I’ll get to order a hoodie and stuff. I might be a respected and well-liked member of the class of 2009. I might just be good and I will have found something that I’m better than Michael at. I’ll be less of a loser and I’ll have a life. Karen has been really good about this. She’s been telling me that the coach is more than happy to teach first-timers and that JV is mostly social, not necessarily the “let’s kick some ass” mentality. Overall, and in time, I think I’m going to be fine. I mean, I want to play contact sports, but there really aren’t many for girls, so water polo is the next best thing. Also, I love to swim. Michael’s also been great. A few days ago, he had to drop David off at a rehearsal and wait there, so I went with him. “Are you seriously going through with this?” he asked me. I nodded and said, “Yeah, unless something comes up.” “Like what?” I thought. “I can’t think of anything.” He laughed. It was good to talk to him that night. He started listing off why it was good that I’m doing this. I think he may actually be proud of me, which is a nice feeling. He told me to start going to the preseason stuff, because he said that people won’t like it if I don’t do anything with the team and I’m just a random walk-on that didn’t earn it. It was great to talk to him. In the end, I laughed and said, “You know, I can’t believe I’m doing this.” “So that’s why you should do it,” Michael said simply. He’s actually right. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Hell, if I can break into the team, I can do anything. I need to be brave. Otherwise, I have no room to lecture Amy about being weak and facing up to the stuff you’ve done. I think I’m going to go try to enjoy my snow day.

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