• November 29, 2006 It’s not even four yet, and it’s already almost dark. I think it’s the clouds. Makes everything seem drearier. I love this weather right now. Not much sun. I had a good day today. In band, the tubas’ chair results came back. I was so happy that Toner got first. That means he’s in orchestra and he gets all the honors of being principle. He was happy, but not really surprised. I guess I wasn’t either. Blogin apparently did very good. He’s second chair now. Which leaves the last alternative last chair. It was really funny. Hilarious. Mr. Roberts gave out the chairs early in the hour. “Okay,” he said. “The tuba chair arrangement will be Michael first, Nick second, and Luis third.” The returning Concert Band trumpets lost it. We shoved our fists in our mouths to shut ourselves up. We knew why. Luis had switched to make himself first chair tuba, and he got his ass kicked by two freshmen. Last chair again. “And he used to sit himself in between those guys because he had more experience,” Ashley said next to me, laughing. Now maybe I can let go of the vendetta, because now he’s getting what he deserves. For about five and a half more months, too. In a way I feel sorry for the guy, because he is the junior and that’s got to piss him off. I know he was pissed when he was Dead Last my freshman year. That actually worried me for awhile. “I don’t want Luis to hate me!” I remember thinking. Maybe I will let go of the vendetta, even though it’s going to be like the end of an era. I have a trumpet lesson tonight. My trumpet dude gave me this really hard solo. It’s going to take me awhile to get down. Whatever. I have one of the best teachers in the city, and probably the state, too. He’s a great guy. His name is Charles Larkins. Extremely nice and even more well-known. Matt Stern goes to him and so does Blake. That would explain why Blake is now my section leader. Hey, maybe I can drive there! Yeah, I’ve decided. I’m letting go. I’m going to do it here and now. Then I’m done forever. It’s been eleven months. It’s time to let go. This is the way it was meant to be and I’m never going to hold a grudge like that again. Okay, I’m just going to say it one more time. Damn tuba players! That’s it. Done forever with the tubas. I suppose I can make fun of them if it’s in context, like today with the scales. Sounded like shit. Homework time, so ‘bye. November 30, 2006 Interesting day today. Amy decided to tell Paul that she liked him today. I never even got the chance to stop her, because I was doing my stupid lab in Mr. Drake’s class at lunch. The Walrus was also there, but he was snoring in the the back, because his narcotics make him sleepy. Narcotics. Seriously. Someone tell me what the hell I was thinking last year. I went out of Drake’s class for a second to go to the bathroom when I saw them. I went over to say hi to them. After a few seconds of small talk, Amy said, “Claire, he knows.” Aw, crap. “Oh. He knows,” I said, caught by surprise. We spoke no more of it. Amy had to go to the library. Paul went the way I was going, and I said, “So, you finally found out.” “Actually, I’ve known for awhile,” Paul said. “Oh. Really?” “Yeah. Did you hear about last summer?” Okay, here’s the background for this. I forgot to put all this down while it was going on. Amy went to NEMC this summer and she told Paul to write her. He never did it, because he was really busy this summer, and she was muy pissed off. Therefore, she went and hooked up with Alex instead. “Yeah, I did. I heard all about it,” I said. He nodded and went down the 4200 hallway and I went down the 5200. Whoa, I was thinking. That was a bit sudden. I went back in the room to talk to Mr. Drake about this one part of the lab. The Walrus was still narc’d out in the back, and the student teacher was eating a Nutri-Grain bar. I was dismissed, and she just told me to get the rest of the lab from someone. I met up with Paul and Amy in the library. Things seemed good between them, which is why I was so shocked when Amy caught up with me after band and gave me a hug. “So what’s the word?” I asked. “He shot me down,” she said quietly. Whoa. For real? I gave Amy another hug. I really didn’t see that happening. I’m dying to know what he said, but I guess she’s not going to want to talk about it for awhile. Damn. If it hadn’t been the Paul thing, the news that I kicked my tuba vendetta would have been bigger. Poor Amy. The rest of the day was okay. People are saying that we might have a snow day tomorrow, because all this rain is going to freeze. Okay, then I guess it’s more like an ice day. I hope we do. I could use a day to sleep in. Band was probably the most fun. This chair arrangement might work out well. Ashley cracks me up. In addition to that, I also get Matt Stern (a really funny guy when he wants to be) and Jay Bouma, who’s also hilarious. Zach is a little bit of a Negative Ned, since he’s still bummed from his chair. I can’t wait until he challenges, because then we’ll have Caleb closer to us. Me and Ashley sang all parts that were not ours. I think Mr. Roberts is wondering who keeps singing. I got a B- on my Latin synopsis, and I could have gotten better. I was so happy. I’ve been failing a lot of those lately. It’s amazing what studying your participles can do. And I finally got my subjunctives right. Now I know that imperfect is the one where you do the second principle part plus endings and pluperfect is the perfect stem plus -isse plus the endings. I’ve got to remember that. I think I’m going to warn Alex to not be offended if Amy snaps at him today. He’s on right now, so I’m going to go do that. December 1, 2006 We only have fifteen more school days until winter break. It’s cloudy right now, so I’m hoping it will snow. According to Alex, there’s no snow in Vermont, either. Tomorrow is Michael’s birthday, and Zach’s birthday is the day after that. I have a few bucks, so I might go get him something. You know who can be annoying sometimes? Brothers. Michael suddenly went all protective of me today in the car. Garrett and I exchanged numbers today in Latin, so he entered me and I forgot my phone, so I just wrote his down on a sheet of paper. It’s not anything really special, because these days exchanging numbers means, “Okay, we’re friends” even if you never call each other. I pulled out the paper because I had forgotten what it was. “What’s that?” Michael asked sharply. “A piece of paper,” I retorted. “What does it say?” “It says a number,” I said, tap-dancing around the truth. “Whose?” he said, interrogating me. “Does it matter?” “Yes!” “Why?” I asked, completely at a loss. “Because it’s a dude and I want to know!” Okay, how the hell did he know that? I swear Michael can read minds. “I don’t want to tell you, because you might go kill him.” “No, I won’t. Who is it?” “You don’t know him.” “Throw me a name,” he pressed. “You don’t know Garrett!” I said, because he had said that he hadn’t awhile ago. “Garrett who?” “Schramm.” “Oh,” he said, thinking about this. “His brother was queer. He was in choir.” “Really?” I asked, thinking, He probably wasn’t. He went on to tell me about how he had asked this girl to prom (then how is he gay? I thought) and it was all elaborate. It seemed well done, just a little over the top. “Queer” is a very relative term with Michael. Usually it just means “pansy”, not necessarily really gay. Michael picks the weirdest moments to be protective of his little sister sometimes. Like last May, with the Walrus incident. I think for some reason he just doesn’t feel comfortable with me and guys. Whatever. It was nothing like he was thinking, unfortunately. Speaking of which, I got 101% on the noun endings quiz Mr. Julius gave out. Mr. Vogel would be so proud. I got the same score as Toner. That’s how I know I did really good. I’m glad I finally learned the damn things, because you’re really in trouble in Latin if you don’t know them. Then we attempted to translate the rest of the passage that Mr. Julius assigned. Didn’t work out so well, because we ended up talking like usual. We played “Duet From Lakme” today in band, where we rest for about a million measures. We were bored and Ashley made me laugh and Zach finally said, “Claire! Stop laughing!” Ashley commented, “You know, we should have a joke contest. Whoever makes Claire laugh the most wins.” Still laughing, I said, “You know, that’s not the best scale...” Since I laugh at everything, everyone would win. Interesting reputation I’ve gotten lately. First I was the Mute-Dropper, now I guess I’m the Laugher. I was really pretty embarrassed about the mute, even though I laughed it off. So did everyone else. Amy said she remembers thinking, “Okay, who’s the stupid trumpet who dropped their mute?” She and Paul aren’t doing that well. She’s mad as hell, because of what happened. I finally got the story. Boy, it’s going to be awhile for them. She pretty much yelled at him for not writing her and Paul got defensive, which I could have told her would happen. They were fighting and she said, “This won’t work will it?” and he agreed, then tried not to lose her as a friend by hugging her and saying, “You’re a really nice friend, Amy.” Which wasn’t what she wanted to hear and he’s acting normal. You know, this whole thing is stupid. Mistakes were made all around here, so I don’t think it’s universally anyone’s fault. Amy took it too personally and Paul should have found out what exactly she expected from him before telling Amy he would go out with her. I feel like telling Paul, “You know, Amy’s really mad at you” but I don’t want him to feel bad and Amy should really let it go. I swear she needs brothers. I would have done it differently, since I probably would have been like, “Okay, it’s okay that you were busy.” No one should have flown off the handle like they did. I wonder what I’m going to do about Michael’s present. I don’t think he cares one way or the other, but I’m a nice sister. Maybe I’ll try to go in on something with Mom. But now, it’s Friday, so I’m going to go relax. December 3, 2006 It’s been a good couple of days. Michael’s eighteen now, so it’s legal for him to be the licensed driver in the passenger’s seat when I drive. The condo people accepted our grandparents’ offer, so they’ll be moving out halfway through January. Also, I boosted my reputation with Alex. The thing with my parents is that whenever it’s someone’s birthday, we have to do a whole freakin’ photo shoot. I seized the opportunity and got a decent picture of myself taken with Grandmom. I showed Amy the bad ones of me and then showed her the good one, saying that I hated it. She said I looked pretty, so presto! I sent it to Alex (and told him that I would kill him if he mentioned it to Amy). I think it was received well. He flirted with me for a solid five to ten minutes, so I think that’s a good sign. I’m just glad he’s got something better now, because I was quite ugly in that other one. Ten months pass, and I look totally different. Cool. I’m waiting for Zach to get on, so I can pass it on to him, too. He probably won’t be on, because it’s his sixteenth birthday today. Michael’s two years and a day older than him, which we laughed about last February. I’ve got a ton of homework tonight. Mr. Drake’s review questions, the introductory paragraph for our analytical essays for Mr. Wilson, throw together some quality crap for Mr. Fox that resembles a speech, and my Geometry homework. The Geometry homework is kind of optional, because unlike Mr. Samulak, Mr. Kim almost never checks it. You just pretty much just have to have it done by the day of the test, when you hand it as a packet. We got our Christmas tree today. It looks pretty good. We’re waiting to decorate it, because Mom and Dad went out to dinner. It’s their anniversary, and unfortunately also the first day of Advent, so they can’t have something separate. I was just happy we sang “The King Shall Come” today in church. I knew it was coming, because we almost always sing that on the first Sunday of Advent. One of the best church songs, along with “Ancient of Days” and “Prayer of Augustine”. Christ the King is the best church for music. Ever. Now I’m going to go do my homework, since all my teachers ‘hoed my life this weekend. December 4, 2006 It’s snowing nicely today. Everyone says I’m crazy because I love snow. I wish I could think of an excuse to go outside. Maybe I’ll go down to the library or something later. Too bad it’s windy. I like snow, but not wind. I actually got my speech done last night. I killed off Fictional Person Bertha. I was going to use Joan, but that was a little close to Joe for me, which was Hurley’s dad’s first name. I’m not taking any chances. There were some really funny ones. My friend Olivia did one eulogizing her fictional panda, which was hilarious. She said that she talked on the phone to her panda. A girl did a serious one for her brother, which made me glad I didn’t go today. My cough is getting kind of bad. Today during band, I started hacking during “Duet From Lakme” and Ashley had to pound me on the back. It sounds like I’m dying of the Black Lung or something. Other than that, band was great and that stupid zit on my lip (which made it freakin’ impossible to play) finally healed, so I don’t want to scream when I hit high notes. Latin was lots of fun. I ended up with a B+ at the interim, which sucks for me, but I’ll take what I can get. I need at least an A by the end of the interim, however. We translated a passage, sort of. Garrett pulled out his iPod and we listened to music. There was one song of his I really liked. He made me guess the name. I guessed “The Sweetest Thing” and I was right. Well, they say it like every other sentence. Then he pulled out all the A Cappella choir stuff from a few years ago, which was fun for me, because I tried to pick out David. I could hear him, too. They held this one note, and I heard him really clearly. He always did have a powerful voice. I have 95% in English. Kickass grade. Mr. Wilson told me to broaden my thesis, so it’s easier to support. Paul told me the same thing, and I trust both of them. Paul’s smarter than I ever hope to be. I got into a friendly debate with him today about whether Dr. Jekyll is the ego or the superego. He says Jekyll is the superego, and I say he’s the ego and Dr. Lanyon is the superego. We agreed to come early tomorrow so we can ask Wilson. Argh, I should have asked Garrett! He’s the junior. Okay, well I think I’ll run down to the library and see if I can get The Woman Who Rides Like A Man. ‘Tis the season. ‘Bye. December 5, 2006 I’m pretty stressed out right now. I’m working to keep Amy from Paul’s throat and to keep favor with her at the same time. It’s hard. Really hard. She’s actually mad at me now, because of a rather stupid decision I made today in English. Amy’s been saying that Paul has no excuses and that his story is utter bullshit. I realized last night, we don’t know his story. Any number of things could have happened. So I asked him in English (over analytical essays), “So what exactly happened this summer with you and Amy?” He paused. “I’ll tell you at lunch.” I nodded. “Okay.” “Where do you want to meet?” I considered. “Your locker.” “Okay.” There was no freaking way I was passing that up. This is one way to settle this once and for all. I knew Amy would be pissed off, though. I was totally right. It didn’t matter how much I told her that this was for my own purposes and she had nothing to do with this. She was still really mad. I let her cool off and went to go meet Paul. I leaned against the lockers next to him and said, “Okay. Explain this to me.” He went through the whole story, from his side. It was just an interesting as getting Alex’s side when he and Amy broke up. From Paul’s view, I was totally right. He was busy! He told me himself, “She would call me, and I wasn’t always there. I had stuff to do.” Also, he solved one mystery. He said that they never picked up when she called because it would say a call from another state, and they would assume Amy was a telemarketer. That explains why it took her like three weeks to get ahold of him. We walked around the school, talking about this. It was a great thing for me, because it gave me the opportunity to ask some very frank questions. I got to say to him exactly what Amy’s been saying. I felt bad sometimes, because Paul really did get blindsided and he was expected to know what Amy wanted. “How am I supposed to know that?!” he exclaimed, when I was explaining about what the letter from him meant to her. I really do agree, and I feel sorry for him in a way. Now I have the whole story straight. Turns out I was right about all that Paul was thinking. It kills me, because he actually did like her. I asked him very specifically. “Do you like her?” I asked quietly, as we were going down the 5200 hallway. “Not anymore!” he said emphatically. I can understand. We’ve all been through hell. I confessed to him how hard this has been on me. He got it. “Hmmm. That does put you in a bad position,” he said thoughtfully. This always happens. Why did it have to be Paul? We’re great friends. So here’s how everyone feels. Amy is pissed off because he didn’t keep up the relationship and sent no letters, but Paul thinks that she should have given him the benefit of the doubt and not automatically assumed that he was an awful guy plotting to break her heart, and that the letter could have been lost or something. Paul thinks that it’s not fair that Amy should have “free license” (as he put it) to hook up with guys but he’s still expected to write letters. I also figured out why he asked so many questions before, when he was fighting with Amy. “I like to make a decision based on fact, so I wanted to be sure,” he said to me. I knew he hadn’t mean to hurt her. I’ve told her a million times. He’s not like that. Paul took the news that she thinks he “would have treated her like property” not all that well. He was really genuinely hurt by that. I had to say quickly that I didn’t think that about him. This is just Amy being pissed off and talking. Needless to say, this ain’t good. Our conversation ended with Paul asking me what to do. I thought. “Give her space,” I finally said. It’s true. Maybe she’ll forgive him soon, and not be like I was. Hell, I’m going to step in if this turns into an eleven-month sabbatical. I don’t think that’ll be it, though. It’s funny how last school year Amy and I were grappling with almost the same thing, but she was doing it by sharing with me and I was doing it by... well... crying at “You’re Beautiful” or something. Now I just have to find some way of telling Amy all this, if she ever forgives me, too. Wish me luck. December 6, 2006 I finally got Amy to calm down and listen to me, and she ended up forgiving me. Well, it’s cool. I know she was never really mad at me. She’s mad at Paul. She listened to his side today (from me) and somehow got madder. I don’t get that at all. His side was supposed to show that he didn’t mean anything bad from what he did. It sucks that they won’t stop fighting. I like and trust Paul a lot, but Amy’s my best friend. Whose side am I supposed to choose here? I skipped second hour today because of an orthodontist appointment. I really didn’t want to. I needed to talk to Paul, because Amy was really mad earlier today, and she made me late. Whatever. My friend is more important than some stupid appointment, so I just told Mom I couldn’t get out the 6200 hallway quickly enough, and that it was really crowded. During third hour, I got back just time to drop off my trumpet and catch Mr. Fox’s class going to the library. Apparently we were going to a poetry slam. I expected to be bored, but it was really good. There was this one black girl who was REALLY good. She was powerful. I loved her poem. The leader of the slam did a poem about when he was a wrestler and the team’s relationship with a custodian, causing me to make several sarcastic comments at the expense of wrestlers to Lisa. I say they’re a bunch of soft meatheads, but I think if you think hard enough, you can guess the real reason. What the hell happened to me last December? Lunch wasn’t pleasant, but at least Amy chilled out. You know what I wish? I wish I could be like one of her other friends, who say that Paul’s a loser, which is what she wants to hear right now. Okay, yeah, I’m jealous. I feel bad that I can’t be that person for her, but Paul’s a good guy and I’m not going to just ignore that. He’s my friend. I knew that if I pushed hard enough and talked enough, she would forgive me. We went around and around in circles, literally and in our stupid conversation. I told her how apologetic Paul had been and how he got really blindsided, so that’s why he asked so many questions. The fact that he wanted to make a decision based on fact (i.e. not feelings) seemed to make her madder than anything else (who knows why). Took me forever to convince her it wasn’t as personal as she made it out to be. When we stopped outside the 6200 hallway some time later and sat down, she started talking about how she felt like crap. I knew then that it was safe to sit down, because she was done being mad at me and now she needed a friend. After awhile, we started laughing about what awful luck we have. It wasn’t really funny, we were just feeling sorry for ourselves. She’s in this complex situation with Paul and I like a seventeen-year-old junior. “We never thought it would work out this way,” I commented, staring straight ahead. Amy made some remark about how things worked out for me. “Me? Me?! Look what I ended up with!” I exclaimed, meaning, Look what actually ended up happening with the Walrus. Amy laughed, finally laughed. “Nothing.” “Right.” After awhile she said, “You know, if he had asked me out a week earlier, none of this would have happened. We would have gone out, and none of this would have happened.” “Yeah.” I didn’t want to rub it in, but I couldn’t resist saying, “You know, if you had taken my advice and told him a week earlier, then none of this would have happened.” “What?” “Yeah. Because he asked you out in response to you telling him you liked him. So if you had taken my advice, none of this would have happened. See, that was our bet,” I added, reminding her. “I kiss the Walrus, you tell Paul.” Amy nodded, remembering. Things were so simple last June. Seriously. There was nothing to be discussed, really. Me and the Walrus was the biggest thing that happened. Fuzz was there to help. I realized, this is the same situation that happened with the Walrus. I tried to protect one of my good friends (for a different reason) and threw my whole friendship with Amy on the line. I hate to be obstinate, but I’m right. I guess you learn perspective when you grow up in the same house with Dad. Things looked up after that. I went to Earth Science, where we took a test. I’m not sure I did well, because I was thinking. Finishing with a half-hour to spare, I decided that Earth Science is an insult to my intelligence. This was one of the questions on the test. 62. A biomass energy source uses material that was once: A. living B. dead C. massive D. happy No joke. I snorted with laughter when I read that. Mr. Drake is a funny guy. He really likes me these days because I’m actually responsible and I don’t do anything strange. Mr. Drake decided today that some of the guys in the class have too much energy, so he made them do pushups. It was so funny. A girl beat the Walrus’s friend Marcus. Funniest thing that’s ever happened to me in a science class. Have I mentioned that I’m glad Mrs. Goebbel is out of my life? Damn atheist liberals. Mr. Roberts was unfortunately not conducting today, because he was conducting “trip interviews”. He pretty much just tells you how much money you’ve made. I don’t have to work any thrift shop hours because Roberts subtracted the forty-eight dollars from my total, which was very nice of him. I don’t think he would have done it if I hadn’t apologized to him. I had to stand outside yesterday with the A last names and some of the Bs. I got to talk to Nick Blogin, though. He went to Tappan, too. Not a bad guy. I had a word with Mr. Smith at practice club for switching him. Mr. Smith laughed. Band was really funny today. I love my chair so much. Even though Zach is a little bit of a downer, I’m low enough to laugh with Ashley, Matt, Peter, and David Barrie but high enough to joke around with Jay, Caleb, and Blake. I can’t wait until Zach challenges. Then it’ll be perfect. It was too bad that Toner wasn’t at Latin, because I was wanting to make fun of Luis’s drastic new haircut with him. The guy got a buzz. He walked by me on my way to the band room and it didn’t occur to me that it was him until halfway down the hall. “Luis looks like he’s joining the military,” Ashley snickered to me in band. I glanced at the tuba section, even though I had glanced several times before. “Yep. That’s quite the buzz.” I was so disappointed that Toner didn’t show. We could have had endless laughs. Our Latin class was actually quiet today, however. We did a parsing F.L.A.I., which I think I did really good at. I’m awesome at parsing. Once again, thanks to Mr. Vogel. It was mostly some verbs, anyway. I gave Garrett a freebie on one verb, because he didn’t know and he’s a good guy. Hey, it’s not his fault he’s dyslexic. We discussed books, immortality, and the gods with Mr. Julius afterwards. He knows a lot. No wonder he’s my favorite teacher. Wednesday night means a trumpet lesson. Hopefully Mom won’t be stupid about it and will let me drive. I’ll just have to promise to drive super slow so she won’t freak out. You would think I drive like a nut by the way they act. If not, I have a good CD we can listen to on the way. That’s all for now. Homework now, I think. December 7, 2006 I’m feeling a little queasy right now but I know why. I drank a Coke in Latin and Coke makes me feel really sick lately. It happened when we went to Outback Steakhouse for Michael’s birthday, too. I had to literally lay down on the floor last time (this time too) in the bathroom. Guess I’m not drinking any more Coke, then. We’re watching Troy in Latin now. I don’t think I’m going to tell Mom or Dad because it’s rated R and last time a teacher showed an R-rated movie they went crying to the administration. I have no desire to get Mr. Julius busted, because he’s the coolest. In Earth Science, we went to the computer lab to do an assignment. It was really very easy. I was on the last page with twenty minutes left and I thought, “Oh, yeah. I’m going to finish this.” I was happy because we have two days to do it, so that means I can just play games tomorrow. I finished the last question with triumph and strode up to Mr. Drake, who was patrolling for people playing games. I offered him the paper. He took it and shook his head in disbelief. “You are just... wow, Claire,” he said, looking through my work. “You are incredible.” He high-fived me. I glowed. That has got to be the all-time highest compliment a teacher was ever given me. From Mr. Drake, too! “It’s not hard,” I mumbled modestly. He looked at me with pride. “No. It’s not.” I went back to my seat after he told me just to hang on to it, because it was going to go into a packet. Incredible. Wow. From Mr. Drake, that’s about the highest you can go. Another good part of the day was in Geometry (believe it or not). Mr. Kim put up grades today. I looked for mine. 113681: 95.71%- A. I grinned. I haven’t gotten an A in math since about sixth grade. Sure, I dropped from my perfect 100.00%, but I suppose that’s to be expected. Also, we didn’t get much done because some fool or other pulled the fire alarm. People were kind of pissed off, because it was about twenty degrees, but I wasn’t that cold. A good first hour. My speech was today, too. I went straight after Lisa, so it was kind of weird, because she killed me off in a eulogy. Mr. Fox said I had risen from the dead to make my speech. Not many people laughed. For a guy who specializes in communication, he has the biggest monotone ever, which is why his jokes aren’t funny. They laughed at how Fictional Person Bertha died, though. Poor woman was killed by a rabid horse. I didn’t speed up or anything, so it went really well. I owe Mr. Fox a lot. I have two tests tomorrow, one in English and one in Geometry. People complain when tests are on the same day, but I like it. That means you don’t do anything in any of your classes. Usually it’s the slackers who don’t study, anyway. We’re finally done with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and we’re doing A Midsummer Night’s Dream next. Hopefully this one won’t be a downer like Romeo and Juliet was. Well, it’s a Shakespearean comedy, so probably not. I remember when we acted it out in fifth grade. I was Demetrius (because we were drawing from a hat) and my neighbor (who I liked back then) was Helena and my sworn true love. The class thought it was hilarious. It was, really. Okay, now Alex is calling me, so I’m going to go. December 8, 2006 It’s Friday today. I’m listening to “My Sundown”, from the Michael Beaulieu Collection of Music. Kind of a sad song. Oh well. I had a pretty good day today. Not a high-profile day. I really hope we don’t go to church today for some reason. That’s the terrible thing about having our grandparents around. They’re diehard Catholic, so we end up being dragged along to stuff we would normally just skip. My tests were okay today. Geometry was the hardest, but then again, I’m a math retard. The English test was deep, but not all that hard. We knew it was going to be really deep when he announced an open-book test. I did all right. The vocabulary was the hardest, probably because I didn’t study that. We read a boring speech in third hour. It was the commencement speech for Harvard or Stanford or some place like that. Mr. Fox added his life experiences as a semi-successful writer of screenplays. We had to hear a lot about that. I’m going to remember Mr. Fox, though, because I have a feeling he might become famous once he gets his big break and puts out a hit. Then I can tell everyone he taught my Speech class when I was fifteen. Lunch was normal enough. I helped Anne of St. Francis and our friend Luke Mahowald with their Latin parsing. They’re both in Mr. Vogel’s sixth hour Latin class. They really need to learn their noun endings. Well, they’re only freshmen right now, so they have some time. I told them to tell Mr. Vogel who helped them out with their parsing in their time of Latin peril. I miss that class a lot sometimes, other times not so much. Mr. Drake threw another computer-generated assignment at us today. I finished it easily, but my computer was being stupid so I couldn’t do anything else. I wonder what kind of grade I have in that class these days. A bunch of people are failing. Actually failing. I want to shake everyone by the shoulders and scream, This is EARTH SCIENCE, people! If we were in Mr. Drake’s Phy Sci class, maybe, but honestly. Get a work ethic. For example, next time Hurley asks to copy my homework I am going to hand that guy a book. I’m sick of it. No more of it. We watched a film of “Gypsy Dance” in band. We nailed that song today. Mr. Roberts said we’re “in good shape”. Yeah, for a band with the most awful low brass ever and the slacker trumpets. We’re not really slackers. We just joke around a lot, so he thinks we don’t take anything seriously. For example, on our music, Ashley and I draw huge, obnoxious lines to the stuff that we probably won’t forget to do, like go back to the sign on the D.S al Fine. Whoever gets that music next is going to have a few laughs. I think I did good on the parsing quiz, because we corrected them today in class. I didn’t do my own, but I remember what I wrote. I just might have screwed up on the participle identification. My person was stupid. Half the time they would get the verb identification right, and the rest of the time they would write “nominative” where verbs should go. I told Garrett I didn’t get that person. He laughed. We’re finishing Troy. Mr. Julius says he thinks Brad Pitt is a brilliant cast as Achilles. He’s good, I guess. Before we started, Garrett and I were talking. We were talking about lockers or something, when he changed the subject. “Oh, look, a distraction,” he said placidly, pointing over my shoulder. I knew better than to look. “What?” “Take a look.” “Great, now I want to look,” I said. He pointed again. “Stare over there for at least five seconds.” I turned and saw nothing (of course) and then braced myself for some trick of Garrett’s. No pain or anything came. I turned around and Garrett was looking at me like normal. “Did you do something to me?” I asked. He nodded. I took stock of myself. I felt normal. Garrett pointed down at my jacket. A dollar lay there, the dollar that he owed me. Smiling, I said, “Thanks.” Funny guy, Garrett. Now I’m home and hoping we don’t go. Or if we do go, we don’t go to confession. I hate confession. I don’t even know why. Probably because I don’t like admitting I’m wrong. Well, it’s my nature. Maybe I can talk Dad out of making us go. What excuse should I make up? I could be sick, I suppose, but that only works a few times. Also, I unfortunately look healthy for the time being. Maybe I should break an arm. Just kidding. Whatever. I’m out. December 9, 2006 I’ve had a good night. For once, I was out on a Saturday night. I’m about an inch away from actually having a life. Well, it wasn’t huge or anything. I went to Christy’s house, because our parents went out to dinner. Christy is my oldest friend ever. We met in preschool. The first friend I’ve ever had. She’s really fun and easy to talk to. I always think it’s interesting to get the other side of stories, right? Well, tonight I got the other side of the soap opera that was Clauge. I’ve been getting Amy’s side, which, sadly, is usually slanted. A lot of it had to do with what actually happened with Melanie and Amy and the Fairy March. It was very interesting. Turns out there was this whole side I hadn’t known about, a side concerning a Home Ec. class that Amy wasn’t in, but Melanie and the Fairy March were in. Christy described it as a “breaking point”. Apparently one day, the Home Ec. teacher decided to retire halfway through the year, so they got this long-term sub guy. Christy, Melanie, and the Fairy March used to go into the knitting room and do nothing. Melanie one day said that she wanted to skip the next day, but when they said they didn’t want to, she just said she wanted to go to her locker, just to go someplace. Christy said she didn’t want to go, but the Fairy March said, “Yeah, okay, I’ll go.” When Amy heard about this, she blew up at Melanie. I had to kind of laugh at that, because going to someone’s locker isn’t really recognized as a crime. They only went for food, anyway. I hated to admit it, but that sounded like Amy. “They did go out, though, didn’t they?” I asked, drawing from what I knew. “Yeah, maybe they ‘went out’, like, once.” Now, during this time Wyatt was totally in love with Melanie. Ted, Kevin, and Charlie also had crushes on her. After the thing with the Fairy March didn’t pan out, she went out with Wyatt just for the heck of it. Hence, the balance was once again upset. Wyatt and Charlie both knew they liked the same girl, and they were mad at each other for it. Amy wasn’t talking to Melanie because of what she had done with the Fairy March. Melanie went out with all these people, according to Christy. “Even Charlie?” I asked, surprised. “He told me once he was the only one Melanie never gave a chance to.” “Yeah, they might have gone out for awhile. I don’t really remember.” “But Charlie went out with Lili, right?” Christy thought, then nodded. “Yeah, Lili whose name is Patty.” At that I started howling with laughter. Lili Wolford’s given name is Patty Patterson. I had forgotten that. “This is such a soap opera,” I gasped. We laughed about that for awhile. Christy continued. “Charlie and Lili went out for... quite some time. Meanwhile Lili was going out with-” “Like everyone,” I finished, knowing firsthand how Lili was. Christy nodded. “I can’t even picture twelve-year-old versions of them,” I said. “Like Wyatt? He was, like, born old. And Charlie? I can’t even picture him.” Christy shrugged. “Pretty much just shorter and with less facial hair.” I laughed. She’s got a point. And I think I might have seen a picture of everyone at some time or another, in Amy’s old yearbooks. Seventh grade was really when everything hit the fan and not in a good way. Maybe it was best for everyone when Melanie moved away. “Drama just seems to follow Melanie,” Christy said thoughtfully. I nodded. “Amy calls her ‘Drama in a Bottle’.” It’s very true. I’m actually glad it’s Saturday for once. I get to sleep in tomorrow. I didn’t today, because I was going to the Salvation Army to make Michael look good. He had an interview to go to, so he sent me and another kid down to the Salvation Army. As his little sister, I’m the first person to have him look good. It’s kind of a dead crowd down there. NO ONE talks. No one at all. People who don’t talk intimidate me more than people who do. You know, I’m just going to note this. It’s been bothering me. It’s almost like ever since I kicked the tuba vendetta, it did the exact opposite. Hell no, this can’t happen to me again. I’ve said it before. I can’t spend my whole life admiring Luis Anderson from a distance. What the hell happened to me last December? What the hell in that month and a half could have happened? There are times where I honestly think I might have loved him. The only good thing that can be said is that he left, honestly. If it only took a month and a half to make me fall as hard as I did, imagine what a year would have done. I’m hoping that it’s simply the time of year, because it’s been a year soon. That’s still amazing to me. Seems like yesterday. Okay, people are coming. Goodbye. December 10, 2006 Well, it’s another Sunday night here in Ann Arbor. I got Mr. Wilson’s three-page analytical essay done. I just HAD to pick Dr. Lanyon, who has got to be the hardest topic ever created. Hopefully Mr. Wilson will think it’s good. I’m going to run it by Paul, too. He’s the only one I trust to proofread my essays, since he’s the smart guy. Good thing it’s only the rough draft. I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow, for reasons unknown. There’s nothing spectacular going on, but it’ll be nice to be back. I’m just going to shrivel up and die over winter break, aren't I? I can’t even survive the weekend. I had the hardest time with summer, honestly. Well, according to everyone, that was the Summer From Hell. Amy and Paul got screwed up, and something happened to me, I think, after Amy left. I got bored and now I’m darker than I was. Seriously. I read back on this thing, and I think of my fourteen-year-old self as a bit of a loser. It’s only been seven months. How could I have changed that much? Weird how that works. I’ve been doing some thinking on the thing I wrote my final paragraph on last night. I don’t think it’s going to be a relapse. It’s just the time of year, because the twenty-first is coming up. Yeah, I remember. His last day was supposed to be on the sixteenth, but it ended up being the twenty-first because Roberts couldn’t find a spare tuba. Maybe it’s just the memory. As Toner once said wisely to me one day, time heals all wounds. This is kind of unrelated, but I remember the fifteenth of last year. It was our first snow day, kind of. They told us to go home after fifth hour. There was a minor blizzard going through Washtenaw County and we got a lot, but not enough to cancel school the next day. I remember that because we were sitting in band and Luis said, “I wish that after we go home it would snow all night,” because he was switching that Monday. There was a monster snowball fight in the junior parking lot, juniors versus seniors. I didn’t fight, but it was fun to watch. I didn’t feel like getting beamed by some senior that plays baseball with an iceball. Our concert is kind of soon. It’s the eighteenth or the nineteenth or something. I have it entered in my cell. Should be fun. I’m making my peace with the stupid dress. Dresses have never been my thing, so I doubt I’ll ever get to like it, but I only have to wear it less than five times this year, so whatever. Let’s see... once for our winter concert, once for Festival, once for Bands in Review, and I think that’s it. That’s nice. Only three times. It’ll be interesting to see if Mr. Roberts is going to make us wear them on the Florida trip. They’re kind of hot, so hopefully not. I’m debating with myself weather or not I want to do my Earth Science homework, or just do it tomorrow during Speech. It’s only one question, but still, I’m feeling lazy tonight. Knowing Mr. Drake, it’s one really, really hard question, or it’s extremely open-ended. Eh, I’ll go check it out. Why not?

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