• June 9, 2009 Friday. The last Friday of the year. Finals, then we’re done. I want to cry just thinking of summer. I don’t want to leave Huron. I can still remember when I first came to Huron on the first day of freshman year. I was thirteen years old. In the car, end of August. We are on the bridge leading to Huron. There is a song playing on the radio. Me: “What song is this?” Michael: “You know: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson....” Me: “Yeah. Right.” I wish I could tell him how scared I am. I glance down at my knees. Hm. My legs are shaking like hell. Why don’t I feel it? Interesting. Michael: (singing and tapping his hand on the steering wheel) “Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson....” Easy for him to be like this. He’s a junior, he’s been here for two whole years. Me: (thinking) “AHHHHHHHH! I am, like, so screwed here!” Huron is coming up. Deep calming breaths..... Next thing I know, we’re pulling into the parking lot. I swallow hard, get out of the car, follow my big brother. We walk across some graffiti. It says, “Foe is a sexy beast”. I neither know nor care who Foe is. I just want to get through this day. When Michael goes up some steps, I am on my own. Ok, I think, ok. I can do this. I can do this..... And what do you know. I did it. I want to keep doing it for a whole summer, with my friends and the school I have come to love. Tappan seems a million miles away right about now (never mind that I’m wearing the Tappan Band shirt right now.....). I just realized, the 8th grade graduation was today at Tappan. They’re leaving for D.C. on Monday. Man, I can still remember that day. It was early as hell and I thought Cam wasn’t coming and we would have to leave him behind. I was armed with my Game Boy Advance SP for the ride out, because Cam had given me Pokemon Emerald as a bit of a graduation present. I gave him the book Scorpia. Strange how much can change in a year. Today was actually kind of sad. I wanted to start crying in Latin when Mr. Vogel asked some kind of grammar question, because I realized that he wouldn’t be asking those kind of questions to us for much longer. He won’t be around to teach me how peoples’ minds work and random Roman history. I think he takes the prize as my favorite teacher of all time. Law was fun. I bummed a dollar off of Pat Hanlon (who I’ve known since pretty much infancy) in exchange for getting him something at the vending machine. We’re friendly, but only because we grew up together. So, for the rest of the hour I was given a crash course in Egyptian Ratscrew by Mike Ghormley, Jeffery Li, Craig Ransom, and Barnaby Root. They’re nice guys, even though Barnaby had this ring that kept slamming into everyone’s hands. Mike developed a “you touch those cards I slam your hand” policy. He makes me laugh, and he’s another that has grown on me this year. I thought he was really full of himself when he was in my Non-Western Civ class last fall. The rest of the day was normal. David’s play was tonight, and it reminded me how much I hate musical theater. It had its funny moments, though. I bought some awesome songs over the last couple days. “Real World” by Matchbox Twenty, and “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5. I used to think that song was so sappy. Well, it’s still sappy, it’s just a good song now. Reminds me of Alex for some reason. Oh, and I almost forgot. Fuzz and the rest of the Dennis family got evicted! They pinned some totally accidental electrical fire on a grease fire, started by Mrs. Dennis. Fuzz has to go to Chicago for the summer where his cousin lives, even though both Kevin and Charlie have asked Fuzz to stay with them. He says he’ll be back next year for our sophomore year. They are currently living in a hotel and trying to figure out where they’re going to live. I feel so sorry for them, because the Dennises are the greatest, and from Fuzz’s descriptions, his mom is a really strong and capable woman. The Dennises don’t have a lot of money, and both Fuzz’s biological dad and step dad are dead, so there’s no money coming in there. I think partly because of Fuzz’s problems, me and Amy worked out our shit. I sort of know how she feels, because I felt pushed aside when Michael and David became buddies and started ignoring me. And she has a legit point. Alex is the type of guy I would usually go for. He’s funny and sweet and has great hair (from the pictures I’ve seen, anyway). So, I promised not to flirt with him if she’s around, because she hates that. I don’t think she’s got a thing for him, but she’s still possessive of him because they were close friends before I came around. I didn’t mean to kind of “swoop” in and take him away. I thought this was just a repeat of the Zach incident, but it was worse for some reason. Zach’s advice was just to make sure she knows everything about us, and that there are no inside jokes between us that she doesn’t know, so no one feels left out. Lenel suggested a “we love Amy” day, where we all call her back to back, timed out. Which I also think is a good idea. I just really, really hope that I never seriously do fall in love with Alex, because something tells me that Amy WOULD NOT be down with that. The Walrus may still be my main guy, but today I thought I felt something beginning for Alex. Like during marching season, when I felt something interesting, glanced over at Luis, and thought, “Oh, my God! I’m falling in love with Luis Anderson!” Only not quite so mentally-kicking-myself-for-making-such-a-shitty-choice of a feeling. What can I say? I have a thing for funny guys! Alex fits all my rules, but I hope it doesn’t turn into anything. I seem to start liking guys at the absolute WRONG time. For example, Amy and the Walrus were feuding at the time I started liking him. Now this is strange stuff. I was sitting in science class, and we were studying genetics. I was sort of thinking about how for some reason the previous night, I couldn’t stop thinking about the Walrus. I was completely not listening to Mrs. Goebbel, but as I was thinking, I felt one of my quite uncommon rushes of love. Oh, damn it, I thought. This is so not what we need right now. It’s hard enough with those two at it without me getting a crush on him, too. So, the next three weeks or so became me and Fuzz trying to sort out their many arguments, not take sides, and me trying to hide certain feelings, while Fuzz was trying to do the same thing with his feelings for Amy. This is the stuff terrible romance novels are made of. So, yeah, if I started liking Alex now, it would be about the worst timing of the century. Amy would for sure claim that I had lied to her about me liking Alex, and then might not speak to me for awhile. Which I hate, whenever that happens. Usually it’s because she’s taking offense to something small, stuff that I was either joking about or phrased badly. I was taught early on to let it go. Just, let go. I learned early that there is no justice, and even though it may piss you off, there’s really nothing you can do. I think Amy needs some brothers. They’re a pain in the ass, but at least they help you relate to the world. I don’t even know if I really like him yet. I really hope I don’t. It would complicate things that shouldn’t be complicated. And I’ve still got a thing for the Walrus. I bet by now you’re wondering why I still call him that, even though everything is out in the open. I could say habit, but the real reason is that the Walrus is someone mentioned in these pages, one of my close friends. This is one way to avoid embarrassment if Mom or Dad ever finds this (which I really hope they DO NOT). I don’t want them to meet him just yet, or to find out his identity. I try to keep the parents out of that part of my life, along with stuff that they think I’m not exposed to yet, and the people I hang out with. Ok, bedtime. Finals start Tuesday. Time = 12:15 A.M. EDST. ‘Night, or good morning I suppose. June 10, 2006 I keep thinking that it’s Sunday, because everyone’s doing work. I’ve been studying like hell for finals, and Michael’s putting together some kind of presentation. I’m giving him tips on how to make it look good, color and all that. I am so sick of Latin verbs by now. I was conjugating the verbs teneo and effigio for a long time. I was conjugating. First, singular, perfect, active, indicative. Person, number, tense, voice, and mood. That’s the way we parse. At least I know them now. Mr. Vogel was right, muscle memory is effective in teenage years. I went to see A Prairie Home Companion with David today. It wasn’t bad, it was just from an era that I neither know nor am a part of, so it was a bit beyond my appreciation. I think Dad might like it though. He’s from the era of radio shows. I could tell it was boring David, though. He was picking at his nails and looking in the opposite direction the whole time. I would say that’s a dead giveaway. Amy called during the movie. Luckily I had my phone on vibrate, so there was no noise and I got a leg massage at the same time. She called twice, so I was a little uneasy. She never calls twice in the same hour unless there’s big news or something bad happened. But no worries. She was just calling to let me know she had called Paul. I’m proud of her. She’s still not at the stage of calling just to talk, so she had to pull the old make-up-a-reason-to-call-the-guy-you-like routine. I used to do that a lot back when I liked Gary Babaev. I would call to ask him crap about belt promotion and karate related stuff back in 7th grade, when we were red belts together. Amy created the reason that she “didn’t know about lockers”. I heard that and said, “Huh?” Then I got it. We have to have our lockers cleaned out by a certain date, so she allegedly called him to ask about that. While trying to get a name of the girl he likes. I told her that her reason was lame. Which it was. But they got about a half hour of conversation out of it, so maybe it wasn’t so lame. I told her I would look into seeing if I could get a name of the girl he likes out of him. Me: “I could get a name out of him.” Amy: “No!” Me: “Oh, come on. You want to know, don’t you?” Amy: “Of course.” Me: “So maybe I’ll bring it up with him. Ease it into a conversation. Or just ask him.” Amy: “That’s going to be obvious!” Me: “Well, I’ve never been known for my discretion, have I?” Amy: “Still, don’t be obvious about it!” Me: “I could be like those girls I always hated in about 6th grade.” Amy: “Oh, the ones that go, ‘Who do you like?’ just randomly?” Me: “Yeah. Or I could just ask him about you.” Amy: “I almost told him last night. I went ‘Uh.....’ for about 30 seconds, but then I just told him I forgot.” I was so proud of her. We’re making progress. She said she might tell him on Monday! I hope she does. I just hope he doesn’t turn her down in favor of summer studies, though. Her heart, at the risk of sounding sappy, would be broken. Can’t say I’ve ever had a broken heart, but I hear they suck. Over Paul, too. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy, but he’s really not boyfriend material. Okay, he’s a nerd. To date, I’ve never had a crush on a nerd. I don’t go for nerds. A lot of the time I go for losers, but never nerds. They bother me. I’m kind of waiting for Alex to come back. He’s got his away message up. I put up one, too. It’s kind of funny. It has to do with a guy named Bob. This is Bob. Bob likes you. Bob likes pointy things. I suggest you run away from Bob. Okay, maybe it’s dumb. But it’s funny in a corny way. It’s like that old joke: A man walks into a bar, and says, “Ouch!” That’s still one of my favorite bad jokes of all time. I used to make people laugh so hard with it at karate. I was really quite popular at karate. Me, Ben, and Lucy were kind of unofficial ringleaders of the first degree candidates, ages 11-15. Of which there were many. And all the littler kids looked up to us, including Kit, who was technically in our little group. He was annoying, but one day I was trying to put him off his subject when I realized something. This is how Luis must see me! This was back in the era when I really liked him and he sat next to me in the trumpet section. After coming to that realization, I immediately resolved to be nicer to Kit. Not that it would help me with Luis, but at least I could do something right. I would talk to Kit about Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles, which we both had and both liked. I think he admired me a lot, even though everyone else thought I was whack for putting up with him. Whatever. I had my reasons. And he turned out to be not a bad little guy, for an eleven-year-old. Popularity isn’t what I want anymore. I have great friends, and that’s all I need. Today I had one of those “wish chips”, you know, one of those potato chips folded over themselves that you can make wishes on. I put it in my mouth, and realized that I didn’t know what to wish for. I have everything I could possibly want. I settled for wishing that the Dennises could have some good luck coming their way, and could get their lives in order. I really do wish that, for Fuzz’s sake, and for the rest of his family’s sake. I’m going to go now and talk to some people online. Time = 10:11 P.M. EDST. ‘Bye. June 11, 2006 Now it feels like Sunday because it actually is. I don’t know whether I want to go back to school or not tomorrow. I don’t want to do any more work this year, but I want to keep seeing my friends. It’s kind of hot, but then again, I’m wearing a long-sleeved shirt (sleeves rolled up) and long pants. I hate shorts. I’ve always looked fat in shorts. We all just got back from the lacrosse banquet. It had some good food, and at the risk of sounding like Amy, some of the lacrosse guys are cute. I felt so bad for Michael. He didn’t get captain, which he really wanted and really deserved. Some other people that weren’t as good and are terrible leaders got captain. At least Michael got All-State, so that was good. They gave out a funny award to every guy on the team. Michael got the “I Should Drink More Milk” Award because he’s broken something every year he’s been on the team. I was bored out of my skull today. I tried to study, but no dice. I was distracted for some reason. I haven’t been on the computer for pretty much the whole day, because Michael had a bunch of projects that he’s been trying to get done, so no computer for me today, sadly. I think my computer has become a big part of my life recently. I seriously didn’t know what to do all day if I couldn’t get on the computer and talk to people. I’m becoming too social for my own good. Which is funny, because that’s what I called Michael his freshman year (and a little of his sophomore year). Maybe it comes with the age. Our last week of school. Should be interesting, with finals and all. I plan to turn in my Ms. Bryant project tomorrow and try to squeeze some extra credit out of her, like Chris always does. Chris is damn good at that, because we think Ms. Bryant may have a crush on him or something, which I can see happening. Apparently she’s married to a sketchy black guy who some neighbor called in to the police. I love this song, although I didn’t at first. “Hands Down” by Dashboard Confessional. I like the intro and downloaded it for that reason. Turns out it’s actually a good song. Now it’s “Where Are You Going” by Dave Matthews Band. I added that song to my iTunes back in September, which is ironic. I had no idea where I was going back then. I was a lost little thirteen-year-old, trying to find my place in the large, scary world of high school. Sometimes I can’t believe that I freaked out like I did about high school. It’s really much better than middle school, although some people don’t think so (usually the Clauge people, since Clauge was apparently heaven on earth or something). I realized yesterday that a year ago I was at the Helvies’. Peter Helvie is one of Michael’s best buddies, and exactly a year ago, Mom and Dad took David to New York as sort of a graduation trip. Well, they would have been back by now. So, anyway, they went to New York. No parental supervision, so we had to stay at the Helvies’. It wasn’t bad, I just didn’t really know anyone there or have any friends there. I pretty much just played Emerald up in one of the spare rooms. It’s also been a year since we went to D.C. on that trip. A year ago I was all packing and excited. I couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning I remember I woke up to “Summer of ‘65” by Bryan Adams. Which is now on my iTunes. It was hotter than hell in D.C. during the time we went. We were on the bus and everyone fell asleep during all the tours. Cam, who was sitting next to me, fell asleep on my shoulder during the Gettysburg tour. I wanted to sleep myself, but I knew I had to be the strong one and stay awake. I finally succumbed to sleep and rested my head on the side of the seat. I sort of miss those days, back when I was more innocent than I am now and unexposed to everything. I miss Maddi and Megan more than anyone (my old Math Support buddies). I don’t have to be in school tomorrow until about 9:30 A.M., because I don’t have a 7th hour and the 7th hour exams are during that time. I’ll have a 7th hour next year, though. Sadly. I need some sleep, though. I’ll go in a half hour or so. I wish Alex was online. He always has something funny or interesting to say. He told me some disturbing stuff last night, about back when Amy and Zach used to go out. So, we were discussing Alex’s girlfriend. They broke up, since he’s moving away. I said something about Megan’s clingy boyfriend, and how he wouldn’t let her have a life. Alex said that back when Amy and Zach were at NEMC Amy didn’t have a life because Zach WAS her life. I came back with, “Well, he was her first.” He went on. I found out that they had been together always for 3 whole weeks without “getting to 1st base”, which I didn’t see coming. Zach apparently hated that. Alex told me that Zach told him that when they made out, Amy slobbered all over his face. Zach would have ditched her by the third week of camp if Banquet hadn’t been there because they were supposed to be going together. I was a little shocked to hear that, because as I said, I never hear the male side of that relationship. Alex made me swear that I would never tell Amy, which I quickly agreed to. It would break her heart that her first boyfriend hadn’t liked her very much. Actually, they don’t seem like two people who would like each other very much. Zach is a very independent type, and Amy is apparently the clingy girlfriend. I said to Alex, “I would hate to be the clingy girlfriend. No one likes the clingy girlfriend.” Which is very true. People want the clingy girlfriend to go away much of the time. I feel kind of bad being the only one who knows this about Amy and Zach, besides Alex of course. Amy honestly has no idea. But I could see that happening. Amy gets very jealous very easily and quickly. In NEMC she was apparently “upsessive”. I don’t think I could ever tell her what Alex told me. That’s just too out cold to tell your best friend. I need sleep, so I can get up and face my shortened day. Time = 10:17 P.M. EDST. ‘Nighty night. June 12, 2006 Finals start tomorrow. I have an English final, and that’s it. Since I did the project for Ms. Bryant, I don’t have to show for the final. Wonder what I’m going to do. Michael has a final, so maybe I’ll chill out in the library or in Ms. Bryant’s class. Something tells me that she wouldn’t object. She loves me more than any teacher should love a student. I’m a little stressed, because I can’t study and I feel a little sick from my allergies. I want to talk to someone online, but the only people online are Charlie, who’s away, and Anne of St. Francis, who doesn’t have any final experience yet. Wonder where Alex is. He’s moving soon, so I guess he’s busy. Today was the last instructional day. I was actually saddest in Law, which has become my second favorite class, after Latin, of course. We played Egyptian Ratscrew again, and I hugged a bunch of people, even Barnaby, who I thought was annoying at the beginning of the semester, but I have grown to like a lot. He told me to come to Top of the Park sometime. Our last lunch together was actually fun. Paul joined up with us and Amy was so happy she forgot to eat lunch. She’s really got to tell him at some point. She got as far as telling him that she would miss him this summer, and he said that he would miss her, too. Great. This is good. Now all we have to do is hook them up and it’s all good. I could hook that up with the guys’ help. About halfway through lunch, Amy kept staring at me and the Walrus. He rolled his eyes and said to me, “Amy so wants us to start making out right now.” Amy didn’t exactly deny it. The Walrus grinned at her. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll kiss Claire if you kiss Paul.” I was astonished. Me and Amy had made that same bet only a week ago. So, I had to ask, “Where’d you get that from?” He looked at me strangely and said, “Um.... from my head?” The Walrus couldn’t have made it more obvious about how Amy feels. I’ve been thinking that I think Paul’s getting a clue lately, since we’re always kind of secretive about that kind of thing around him. Oh well. Wouldn’t be the end of the world. He’s got to know sometime. Amy and Paul sort of broke away from us near the end of lunch. Good for them. They need some time. Me and the Walrus separated where the hall splits into the choir and band hallways. He said he would find out where I live this summer and call me. We hugged. Now that I look back, I wish I had said more. Like about how he’s the sweetest guy in the world. How much I love him. All sorts of stuff. I wish I had the guts to kiss him. But no, I missed out on that. I should go. Time = 9:47 P.M. EDST. ‘Bye June 13, 2006 Finals have officially started. I had just English today. I turned in my project, so I didn’t have to show up to 2nd hour. The English final was okay. I probably got about a B on it. I screwed Romeo and Juliet a bit, because her questions were detailed as hell. I don’t have the memory to remember who said every little quote! Everyone else was a bit pissed about her detailed questions. I didn’t want to be the very first one to turn in my test (I ended up being the first anyway) so I started filling in my Scantron with my left hand. Helped me slow down. I had a REALLY boring time in the library in 2nd hour. Exactly one hour and forty-five minutes sitting doing nothing except for my iPod playing and reading the library’s crappy selection of books. I left about 15 minutes early just to clear my head, which was about to implode from boredom. I met Fuzz and we talked for awhile before he had to catch his bus. Same with the Walrus, only we hugged before he had to go and he told me he would see me tomorrow. How sad am I? I go looking for this crap. I love how in English they think I’m some kind of genius. My English class is full of popular kids who don’t get the best grades overall. I get petitioned for help a lot. That’s one thing about the popular guys at Huron, they appreciate someone that can help them or is nice to them. I’m both. I make an effort to treat them like friends, even Josh Gustafson, who is a straight up weed head and a jerk. The other guys are nice enough, even if they do ask for help a lot, like today during the final. I have turned in my final about twenty minutes ago. I’m just kind of staring into space, thinking. Then I hear a voice belonging to Nino Rabhi hiss behind me. Nino: (whispering) “What the hell is concentrated language?” I roll my eyes. Nino doesn’t have the biggest clue. The question was something to do with poetry. Me: (hissing back) “That’s not the answer.” Nino: “It’s not?” Me: “It’s b, not c.” Nino: “Seriously?” Me: “Yeah.” Nino: “Thanks! Damn it, are you done!?” Me: “Yep.” Nino: (several expletives) I don’t mind helping Nino every once in a while. He’s a nice enough guy and doesn’t try to use me like Josh and Naomi have. He just needs some help because he’s not good at English. I also helped him with his reading placement test. He got 13 something. I got 1631 (in senior year of college, third month, first day). You know, I sort of like being treated like the smart person. My English class was a bit in awe of me and my sad English skills. I know that they were never false or putting it on because they don’t like some of the smart people in there, the ones that aren’t so nice. Like Cristain Adam and Seth Levine, who are both a little arrogant. They can both be quite friendly, but you have to get them to open up to you. Which I have done. Yay me. Not much else has happened. I’ll probably be on later to see if Alex has gotten on. Now, I should go study to be like my great older brother and be successful and all that. Time = 3:02 P.M. EDST. Good afternoon. June 14, 2006 Tomorrow’s the last day of school. I’m going to miss everyone so much. I was just talking to Amy for two and a half hours on the phone. It’s a good thing Mom wasn’t around, or else she would have been all like, “Get off that phone!” Dad was just like, “Okay....” Amy originally called to give me congratulations, at 3:15. We got online at about 6 or so, just so she could save some minutes. So, at the end of finals, I went looking for people, like the Walrus, Amy, or Fuzz. I finally found Wyatt and asked him how his finals went. He said they went okay. We talked for awhile. Then I saw the group by the buses, or a little way from them. Actually, Amy and Fuzz were not there. That’s okay, though. The Walrus was. We talked for awhile, then he said he had to get his bus. He held out his arms to me, like usual. It’s good that we don’t have to go out just yet, but we can hug and all that jazz. I hugged him tightly, him likewise. I had an idea just then. I turned my head and kissed him on the cheek, like he did to me once at a bad angle, so he thought I was pulling away. So I guess I was returning the favor or something. He looked happy when we pulled away. I guess he thought I would never do that kind of thing. He told Amy out of the blue about it when he was helping her look for her bus. I think he just wanted to tell Amy. Tell someone. Or he was checking to make sure she hadn’t told me to or something. Which is completely plausible, since Amy is more forward for that kind of thing. But no. This was all my idea. So Amy called me to congratulate me on my confrontational skills, which appear to be improving. Wonder if I can ever have the courage to do more, like maybe tomorrow? It’s the last day of school, so I probably won’t see him much. Even if I do, it won’t be like it is at school. School is, to use vernacular from a few years ago, “da bomb”. Haha, that sounded so bad. I’m going to be going around on the first day, like, hugging everyone and saying, “Oh, I missed you so much!” And it will be perfectly true. At least I’ll have band camp before that, to hug people and tell them how much I missed them. Amy will be back by then. I’ll get to learn how to march all over again. Wonder who my squad leader will be this year. Last year it was Peter Winters. He was always the guy who was trying to get us to shout louder. He would patrol around saying, “Louder, you guys!” “It’s just two letters! H! O! Just “Ho”! That’s all you have to say!” We were a quiet squad. He was okay with us, I guess. I was an embarrassment to his squad, however. I was bad, and he was always having to come over and tell me how to march right. About the third day, I got to admire his leadership skills. Yup, you guessed it. I developed something of a crush on him. Well, at least it made me want to march better. Now that I look back on it, I think I admired his squad leader skills more than I actually liked him. He was a good leader, a good teacher. I think I’ll always consider him my true squad leader, just because he was the guy who was patient enough to teach me how to march. I had no squad leader when school started. Killian Williams was supposed to be our squad leader, but he broke his leg, leaving us squad-leader-less. That left us three people on our squad. Me, Zach Baker, and Luis Anderson. Oh boy. I still hated Luis at this point. I thought he was full of himself and a real jerk. And I was the lucky person who got to stand next to him. On my other side was Amy, a coordinational disaster. So, we had no squad leader. Amy sort of unofficially joined our squad. The French horn squad leader attempted to sort of take over me, Zach, and Luis. His name was Spencer Robinson. Ooh, Spencer Robinson. He tried to boss me and Amy around for the rest of marching season. Coleman Alexander used to try to also, but when Luis shouted, “Bite me, Coleman!”, he sort of shut up. So, anyway, Spencer attempted to boss us around. He told Amy to “actually march in a straight line” and he told me to “always assume that you’re doing something wrong”. It’s too bad. I thought he was an okay guy before that. So on the way to math, Amy and I would bitch about him. One day, I was ranting about him when we were almost in Samulak’s class. Sometime in September, before 6th hour. Me: “So what is an Argo anyway?” Amy: “I have no idea!” Me: “Yeah, that’s the problem. We’ve got Captain Dipshit telling us to do stuff that we don’t even know about!” Amy: (laughing hysterically) “Captain Dipshit!? That’s hilarious!” I got that from Billy Madison. That’s what Billy calls Eric in one scene. It seemed to fit. And that’s how Spencer Robinson got his nickname. We sort of started calling him Mean Looks, since that’s what I would always shout when he went by us in the halls. It later became my AIM screen name. I don’t want school to end. Not at all. It’s too soon. I can remember St. Patrick’s Day! Well, that was just a bad day all around. Amy and the Walrus got into a huge fight and Ted’s dad committed suicide that night. Just a bad day. Okay, Dad’s calling me for dinner. Time = 7:34 P.M. EDST. See you. June 15, 2006- The Last Day of School I slept in today, since I didn’t have a 5th hour final. Mom took me in at about 9:30. I wanted to say goodbye to people in the half-hour break. Amy was having a tough day. For some reason, she got a D+ on her Mr. Commings final, and was freaking out. She really hates him, even though I’ve met him and I don’t mind him. So I was trying to comfort her and I said, “Let’s go outside. It’ll make you feel better.” So we went. I was killing two birds with one stone there. The Walrus hangs out outside during the half-hour break between finals, and the heat would make Amy feel better. Fuzz was there and tried to make Amy feel better, along with the Walrus. I hugged Amy, and then he asked some question about my Biology book, about whether or not I wanted to turn it in. I decided that I wanted to, so we set off for the book depository together. Amy thought I was ditching her, so she got mad. The book depository run was kind of our last chance to hang out at all. We turned in our books (he had a French book). I had to go to my locker. I haven’t been in my locker for the whole year. I decided during Freshmen Orientation that it wasn’t practical to have a locker in high school. Turns out the Walrus did the same thing. We went to the office to get our combinations and locker numbers together. I got the shirt I got at Freshman Orientation from my locker. His was empty. Fuzz told me (when we got back) that Amy was pretty pissed at me, because she thought I ditched her. Which I didn’t. So I went to Math, for the last of the finals. I sat down next to Amy and the first thing she says is, “Fuck you.” Ouch, I thought. “Well, fuck you, too.” I replied with a little bit of cheerfulness. I told her I was sorry, and she didn’t seem mad by the end of the final. Which was good. I hate it when she gets mad at me. For the rest of finals, I was jittery and impatient, like I had drank a Coke or something. Which I hadn’t. I think I just wanted to be out of school and I wanted to go see the Walrus. After finals, I had a plan. I was going to go see the Walrus under the arch, and then go turn in my Bio packet, which was a day late. I had to turn it in without Goebbel seeing me. But I had to go see the Walrus first. It was a bit of an emotional moment. We were under the arch, and we hugged for a long time. I’ll admit it, I never wanted to let him go. Like the song, which is my favorite song of all time. I grabbed his shoulders gently and said, “I’m going to miss you so much.” We hugged one last time. When we stopped hugging, we were close together. We did the only thing left to do in these situations. We kissed. My first, sadly. He means a lot to me, so I’m glad it was him. And not Gary, or Cam. Gary was really not the best guy for me. Neither was Cam, although I used to think he was. Speaking of Cam, I think he hates Huron. I was talking to him online and I said something about the D.C. trip last year. He started sounding really wistful about Tappan. I don’t get it. I hated Tappan with a fiery passion. I hate to say it, but maybe it’s good that Cam and me aren’t that great of friends anymore. He hasn’t made any real leaps in maturity this year. I don’t know if I have or not, but I think I have. I’ve definitely learned a lot about the world this year, from the group and also from Mr. Vogel. That reminds me, I’m going to miss him a lot. I’m going to miss my friends so much. They’ve been everything to me this year. Well, not the whole year. Since about January, actually. I don’t know what I was doing September through December. I think I started eating (or not eating) with Fuzz and Amy back in about late November to early December. I would go to see them because I used to eat with Cam and the rest of the theater freaks in the 7200 hallway. One day I heard Amy’s voice down the hall, and lo and behold, the group was there. Most of the group had late lunch at that point. There was Amy, Fuzz, Melanie, Ted, Sean, Kevin, and Peter Wagner. I think I really became part of them the day that Melanie freaked out about something that happened with Wyatt. She was crying in a corner, and I went to go see what was wrong with her. We were friends, so I thought I would help. Ted came, too. She was crying so he said, “Do you want to talk about it?” I admired Ted’s skill. He was really good about getting answers out of Melanie. Of course, at that time, they were going out, so I bet that had something to do with it. She was okay after awhile. I had to get my tetanus shot today. I actually cried before I got it. I was pretty ashamed of myself. Fourteen (almost fifteen) and sobbing like a baby. Turns out I blew it out of proportion. It was really just a pinch. Didn’t really hurt all that bad. My arm hurts now, though! Some after affects of the shot, like with the muscle and all that. I’m glad it’s summer. I can remember last summer. It was good. I hung out the whole time, and did nothing. I was with Cam a lot of the time. Life was good. I was stupid and thirteen years old. I’m different now, but I still think it’s going to be a great summer. I’ve been listening to Death Valley Queen constantly, now that I can listen to it again. I think I might buy The Reel in the Flickering Light tonight. I haven’t heard that song for years. I only searched it on Google recently because it had stayed with me for so many years. I last heard it when I was six or seven. Dad doesn’t remember it, even though I know that he was there when I heard it. Contrary to what I tell them, I remember exactly when I heard it. I was a kid, sitting in the back seat of the car. We were at one of those drive-through Bank One places. We were listening to the radio. It was some Celtic program, and The Reel in the Flickering Light came on. For some reason, it took hold of me, and I haven’t forgotten it in about eight or nine years. Oh, around we go Heel to the toe Then Daddy Longlegs jumped up spritely And danced to the reel in the flickering light Strange song, but it’s really good. It’s about how this guy is dancing to this song (in the flickering light, as one might guess), and he asks the guy telling the story if he has any sisters that he could hook up with. He and the sister get married at the end of the song. It’s quite funny at times. I’m going to go and get something to eat. Haha, it’s summer. No more work. Time = 5:08 P.M. Peace. June 16, 2006 First day of summer vacation. It doesn’t really feel any different from a weekend or something like that. I did get to go swimming, which was good. I like to swim. It’s almost too bad I gave up on it. It’s a nice thing to do right now, not just because it’s hot. I’m growing out my bangs. I’ve decided that they’re a pain in the ass, so I’m growing them out. When I’m swimming, my hair goes straight back or floats or something. The point is, it’s not in my face. Which is good, of course. Ugh.... it’s kind of late. I should be going to bed soon. I’ve been watching all the old Friends episodes for like, the past hour and a half. They’re actually really funny. I like the last one the best. For a last episode of a TV show, it’s actually funny. That doesn’t usually happen. Usually it’s tying up loose ends and stuff like that. Not a lot happened today, except that I forgot to call Amy back. I should do that tomorrow. I already miss Charlie and Amy and Fuzz and everyone else. What is it, twelve more weeks or whatever left? Time = 2:18 A.M. EDST. Time to go crash into my bed (that was a bad pun of “Crash Into Me” by Dave Matthews Band). June 17, 2006 Not much up today. Went up with Dad to Cabella’s to get some outdoors stuff, since we’re going to Seattle to do some hiking and other stuff this summer. I felt kind of bad because all the stuff was kind of expensive. I’m pretty aware of money these days for some reason. I guess they can handle it, or they wouldn’t take the chance. I think I set a record of time I’ve ever talked to anyone on the phone. Amy and I talked for a straight three hours. I had to go outside, because I usually talk up in Michael’s or David’s rooms but they kept kicking me out and Dad was in the basement. So I went outside. We talked about really nothing, except that I told Amy about a million and six times to call Paul and tell him how she feels. I told her, “I’ve held up all ends of the deal over here. Now it’s your turn.” It’s true. I both: A) Told the Walrus how much I like him and B) Kissed him without making a complete idiot of myself. Yay us and our stupid bets. But I think she knows now that she can’t hold back anymore. We touched on everything and nothing. Nothing very serious, like the morals of the death penalty or the Cold War or anything, but stuff about all our friends. We mostly talked about the group. I told her about all the stuff that went on back in March that she wasn’t aware of. Like the showdown between her and the Walrus, and how me and Fuzz patched that up nicely without her knowing. About how Fuzz was trying to hide how much he liked Amy and I liked the Walrus and me and Fuzz were sort of trying to work out the feud so we could ask these people out. Me and Fuzz should work for the Secret Service or the CIA or some other crisis management/behind the scenes stuff. The conversation only ended when my phone died. Low battery. I couldn’t see how that could be so. I recharged it only last night. So, next time I see Amy, I’m going to have to give her crap about how she killed my cell phone. Michael says that me and Amy remind him of the “caffeinated cheerleader on the phone” commercial for Verizon Wireless. The girl goes over her minutes gossiping but- it’s okay because she has Verizon and they can go over their minutes. I was talking to Gary online today. I had to block him for a little while because he doesn’t always make sense and he sometimes needs some Riddlin or something, but I unblocked him today. He got a girlfriend! I used to like him soo much, but I don’t anymore and I was happy for him. He deserves someone good, even if he is a tad of a spaz. I told him about the Walrus. He was happy for me, but that led to a discussion about Lili Wolford. As Charlie would say, she’s like the town bike- everyone gets a ride. She has literally dated every single guy in our group except Fuzz. Then she cheats on them and they break up. You would think they would start to see a trend here. She is currently going out with Kevin. Good luck to them. I give that two weeks. Amy and I plan to hang out some before she goes to NEMC. It has to be before Thursday, because that’s when I get the pleasure of getting my wisdom teeth pulled. More uprooted than pulled, because I’m really young to be getting them out, and they’re not exactly in yet. At least I’ll be asleep, but that means they have to put an IV in to knock me out. I hate needles. That’s why I sobbed before my tetanus shot. When I was five, they went about giving me all my shots before kindergarten, like always. They were a tad impatient about 5-year-olds that needed shots, so someone dreamed up a solution to get two shots done efficiently. The genius brains did two needles, two shots, two arms, all at once. I can remember that vividly. I can remember I screamed bloody murder. I swear I had some kind of out-of-body experience because I can remember how it looked, but I can also remember how it was from my point of view, also. Whatever. I’ve never been quite the same about shots ever since. I was scared to death to get Hepatitis B and the three rounds of it that are required. I cried during that, too. Geez, I’m a real wimp. I better not start crying before my meningitis vaccine before I go to college. Talk about embarrassing. We need to find some way to get ahold of Fuzz. We don’t know when he was planning to leave for Chicago. We just don’t know where he is in general. I sort of wish it was still March. Better to be the people that resolve fights than never to see the people that fight. Amy is going to be at NEMC and Alex is going with her, so there’s going to be no one to talk to for about three weeks. I was going to send Alex something, but Amy told me she would be weirded out by that. Okay, I guess. We’ve got to compromise somehow. I wish I had used the time we all had together in school better. Saved it. Talked more. Laughed more. Resolved all our weird stuff earlier. Save tonight And fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow- Tomorrow I’ll be gone Save Tonight by Eagle-Eye Cherry. This is their one good song. I wish the school year was still going. Or we were all shoved in one building for another purpose besides high school. Except for lunch, we never had much time together. Just at the beginning of the day and sometimes a brief, “Hey, what’s up” between classes. Before long I’m going to start counting down the days until sophomore year starts. Or Interlochen at least. We have a long summer this year. We don’t start until September 4 this year. I would rather get out early and start early. It’s just plain uncomfortable to be in a classroom in June. Especially one like Ms. Bryant’s was. I’ll stop rambling now. I should go anyway and go eat something. Or maybe not. I’m not really hungry. Whatever. Maybe someone interesting will get online. Strangely, no one has been on for, like, four days straight. Time = 9:22 P.M. EDST. Goodbye. June 18, 2006 - Father’s Day I feel kind of sick. I ate about a million Reese’s Pieces when I went to go see The Lake House with David. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it was okay. I’m not even going to try to explain it. It’s a love story. At least that part makes sense. David loved it, but then again David’s a sucker for a love story. I think I am on some level, but not as much as him. I’m discussing dreams with Amy. We do that a lot. She had a dream about cereal. I had a much more interesting dream. There was a girl that came up to me. She kind of looked like Gary’s new girlfriend (he sent me a picture), but I don’t think it was her. So, this girl comes up to me. She says, “I have to compete in the soccer regionals. Any questions?” Which was quite rude. I had to drive her, and I was mad because I had to drive her to the soccer thing and I had to drive someone else somewhere else. Then Amy and I were playing soccer. The Walrus steps out of a car, and comes up to us while we’re playing soccer. For some reason he was wearing a navy dress. He came up to me and announced that he was pregnant. I swear. Had the pregnant bulge and everything. I was kind of happy, because apparently it was my baby. He looked worried or something because he was pregnant. All through the dream the Walrus was following us around and making me put my hand on his stomach to feel the baby. I didn’t mind, but now I realize that it was a bit of a weird dream. Amy got a kick out of it. We were talking to Zach in our little chat room. He’s sick. Amy told me he had mono, so I was feeling sorry for him. He told me he didn’t have mono, but it was a bad sickness. I diagnosed a virus related to the flu. I think I may have made Amy feel bad by undermining her diagnosis. I told Zach it would probably blow over in a few days. Hope he feels better. Being sick can suck. Of course, it’s not bad if you’re faking sick to avoid a person or situation. I have some experience in that, unfortunately. Father’s Day. We got Dad a couple of seasons of MASH. It’s not a bad show, just ahead of my time. It’s about the Korean War, which I wasn’t around for, being born in 1991. This reminds me of how in Latin, Mr. Vogel requested a Fender Stratocaster on Father’s Day. We told him that he wasn’t paternal enough. This was our thing. We had to pretend like we didn’t like him, and he had to pretend like he didn’t like us, but really we all loved each other. I think it’s time to go see if I can eat that Quizno’s sandwich that Michael brought home for me. Time = 7:54 P.M. EDST. Adios. June 19, 2006 I’m bored. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the summer. It’s not even the first day of summer yet. I think I stayed up too late. I was watching Friends until almost 3 in the morning. I woke up at about 11. When me and David got Michael up, we all went to Denny’s. I can’t taste anything because I have some kind of sudden freak cold or something that isn’t allergy related. All of us argued about stuff while we were waiting for our food. David was being stupid about what he was saying, so we kind of had to shut him down a little. I got the front seat both ways. I hate the back, and I have to take advantage of the front when I can, because Dad always makes me sit in the back. And that means we have total control of the radio. We heard something by The Offspring on the way over, and David complained that there was no tune. Michael said, “But, you’ll notice that they’re famous and you’re not.” True story. Bailey went to the vet today. She was all whacked out and Mom was going nuts trying to get her to calm down. She doesn’t have heartworm or anything. Which was good. It’s not late, but I’m tired for some reason. There’s a chat room open but I’m not really saying anything. I kind of want to see them freak out when I don’t answer. Geez, how cold-hearted am I? Heh, I’ll probably go back in a minute. Time = 10:49 P.M. EDST. ‘Bye June 20, 2006 Me and Amy went to Top of the Park tonight. We had a lot of fun. We saw Gary and his group of friends. He has a new girlfriend. Her name is Anna. She’s not bad (I sort of met her online today). Amy wanted to know if I was jealous. I really wasn’t. I’ve moved on. I’m happy for them. They’re a nice couple. I got my retainers today, so I don’t have to wear the stupid positioner again. I’m glad. That thing made me stop breathing a couple times, and I always felt short of air. I had to wear it all friggin’ night, too. On the way over me and Michael heard that song by The Offspring again. For some reason, that song makes me laugh so hard. Maybe because David’s right, it’s barely a song, and The Offspring made so much money on it. It’s called “Come Out and Play”. Whatever. I was cracking up when it was on the radio. I finally beat the damn Earth Temple in Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. I’ve been on the Earth Temple since about the beginning of May. The boss nearly killed me, but I had my fairy handy. Now I get to do the Wind Temple. I’m currently trying to finish my sea chart, so I can get around easier. It’s actually easier than it looks, and it can be fun. We saw ol’ Spencer Robinson at Top of the Park. I decided to tell Amy something that I’ve never told anyone before. Top of the Park, about 7:30 P.M. I’m trying to tell Amy a story about Spencer. Me: “You are going to laugh at me so hard.” Amy: “What? What is it?” Me: “Okay, so it was in Summer Band.” Amy: “What was?” Me: “He sat next to me.” Amy: “So?” Me: “Don’t you know what happens when guys sit next to me in band?” (Note: This is a reference to the Luis Anderson saga, where I liked him because he was extremely good-looking and pretty damn funny all by himself. When he decided that the dishonor of last chair was compelling enough to make a whole friggin’ instrument change he copped out, got what he wanted, I cried, and missed him for a whole bunch of months until the Walrus came onto the scene and I halfway fell in love with him instead and ditched the damn loser (finally) who doesn’t know the meaning of perseverance and took the last bit of trumpet dignity I had with him when he switched to the friggin’ low brass and left us behind) Amy: (claps her hands over her mouth) “Oh my God!” Me: (laughing) “I know.” Amy: (laughing hysterically) Me: (sipping Pepsi and laughing through the Pepsi) “I know. Cut me some slack. I was in 5th grade.” We both collapsed back into laughter. It WAS funny. We had just spent a year talking about how much we hate Spencer, and then I remember that I once had a crush on him. I think that won “Most Entertaining Item of the Summer” with us. I have a feeling that Amy will never let me forget that, like I will never let her forget her “Two-Minute Bell Scream”. This one time, one the way to math, she screamed with surprise when the two-minute bell rang. For the rest of the year, I would always scream obnoxiously when the two-minute bell rang. I realized today how much I miss Amy and Fuzz and everyone. Especially the Walrus. I miss him. I would call him, but I don’t have his phone number. He has mine. Tonight, I was sitting on the couch playing The Wind Waker, and I suddenly missed everyone so much. I grabbed my cell and listened to the only contact I have with those guys. An old message from the beginning of June from the Walrus to me. It was nice to hear his voice again, even if I can’t see him. Okay, Mom just caught me on the computer at this late hour, so I should go. Time = 1:51 A.M. EDST. Good morning. June 21, 2006- Summer Solstice First day of summer, the actual season. Too bad it’s a crappy day. It’s cloudy and rainy and thundering. I kind of like it. I hate sun and heat. I have no heat tolerance whatsoever. So this is good for awhile. I had my day of the summer where all I do is sit on the couch and watch TV. The stuff on wasn’t bad. I watched Proof Positive, which is a bit of a paranormal show, but it was interesting. Then I watched the Discovery Health Channel for awhile. I was having some strange dreams last night. First, Dad was holding this huge cookout thing by a football stadium, because whoever “we” are, we were were playing North Dakota. I think “we” were a football team, though. For some reason, Dad and (I think) Michael were building this tube-ish thing for people to crawl through, and they wanted me to test it. So I crawled through. It was brightly painted. When I got out the other side, all the North Dakota fans were already there and Dad was handing out cake and pizza to them. I remember thinking, “I don’t think Dad’s going to have enough for everyone.” There were probably hundreds of North Dakota fans. Then I was at Huron. I was walking down the 3200 hallway. I was walking past the bathroom and the busted drinking fountain when I saw Luis Anderson. He had a twin. I was glancing back and forth from those two. His twin was wearing glasses, but he wasn’t. I decided that it wasn’t important. I continued on and went down the main stairwell. I started singing “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind. I knew I was on my way to Mr. Vogel’s class. The song started playing on the P.A. system when I got down to the arch. It suddenly hit me what a drug song “Semi-Charmed Life” is. On the way to Mr. Vogel’s portable I started singing the “do do do” part of the song, and people were looking at me weird. I didn’t care. I wanted to tell Mr. Vogel how much I had loved his class, and that I would miss him. Then it occurred to me I couldn’t say goodbye to Mr. Vogel because it was already summer, and then I woke up. I start swim lessons tonight. Don’t ask me why I asked Mom to sign me up, because I have no idea. I think it stemmed from me quitting karate. I guess I needed something physical. I hated karate after Black Belt Camp ended, so I guess it was time to find something new. I wish I could take up boxing or something, because I’m good at fighting sports. I punch hard. If there was a girl’s wrestling team, I would join that. Or a boxing team, or a girl’s football team. I should try and start that! Haha, no one would go out for it. The Huron girls can be pansies. I smell the tacos, so I’m going to go. Time = 6:28 P.M. EDST. Bye. June 22, 2006 Word of the day: OUCH. I think I forgot to mention this. I got my wisdom teeth out today. I’m insanely young to be getting them out, but I had a double wisdom tooth, so they decided to have them taken out. I have to admit, I was scared as hell. They have to do an IV, and I’m afraid of needles. I couldn’t sleep last night. I was worried. I finally drifted off about quarter after 3. I woke up this morning and dread hit me like someone had just dumped a load of bricks on my chest. My heart was hammering like hell in the shower, so I repeated something over and over again in my head. “Multi poetae versus de origine rerum scripserant.” It had nothing to do with fear or anything, but it was by far my favorite parsing sentence of the year. It’s Latin. It means, “Many poets had written verses about the beginning of all things”. Mr. Vogel was infamous for changing the tense of scripserant. Sometimes the verb would be perfect, sometimes pluperfect, sometimes future perfect. It was his main amusement of the semester. In the car, I noticed I wasn’t really scared anymore. Or I was scared, and I was just so scared, I couldn’t even feel fear anymore. I listened to my iPod and just tried not to think of anything. We were in the waiting room in a remarkably short amount of time. Where had the last twenty minutes gone? Interesting. I sat down and thought back to what Cam had told me about getting wisdom teeth out. “The wait is the worst part,” he had said. So, reasoned I, I’m on the worst part. Then they called my name to come back. Damn it! Screw that, the worst part’s coming. They wouldn’t let Mom and Dad go back with me. It’s some new policy. They hugged me, and the fear came back. My eyes began to burn. Damn it, I thought, now here come the boo-hoos. No, I told myself firmly. No crying. Not this time. The nurse took me back to the room. It felt like a scene from The Green Mile or something. I informed the nurse that I had a tad of a “needle thing”. She assured me that it would be “just a pinch”. Sure. That’s what they all say. That’s what they said when I was five, too. The room had a nice chair. It was quite plushy. Black. Comfortable. The first thing they did was hook me up to some monitor, with a thing that pulsed on my arm. That wasn’t all that bad. I was on a sharp lookout for any kind of IV needle. Then they put a clip on my index finger. That was also okay. I asked about the IV. The nurses (there were about three of them) told me Dr. Scott would do it. I saw no Dr. Scott. Good sign. Next they put me on some oxygen. That was weird. Any kind of air going up your nose can’t feel good. They told me to relax. My gums are about to be sliced open, so I can relax. Sure. They asked me some questions about what I have planned for the summer. “I’m going to Seattle,” I said. My voice cracked. No, I will not cry. Never. Then entered Dr. Scott. I wondered if they’ve ever had anyone attempt escape from an oral surgery office. He smiled at me and asked how I was. How do you think I am? Seriously? “I’m okay.” “That’s good,” he replied. I suppose. He pulled out a big rubber band. He attached it to my arm. It was kind of tight. Okay, really tight. He had me flip my arm over. I knew what was coming. No crying, damn it! One of the nurses said, “Okay, look over at me.” I felt the needle go in. I felt a tad foolish. Although it wasn’t the most pleasant experience of my life, it really was just a pinch. “Good job.” One of the nurses praised me. Dr. Scott came back into view. “I’m going to inject some medicine now.” “Okay,” I croaked out. I didn’t feel it. That’s good. “Um.... how fast acting is this?” He smiled down at me. “You should actually be able to start feeling this in a second. The ceiling may start to swim, but that’s normal.” One of the nurses said, “Okay, before you go to sleep, I want you to open wide for me.” I did. She put something in my mouth. And that’s all, folks. I have no idea how long I was out. I dimly remember people doing things and moving around me, but I was drifting. Then I felt myself coming back to reality. Ugh. What the hell is wrong with my mouth? A voice cut through the fog. “Claire? How do you feel?” The room was empty, except for the nurse. “I can’t feel my mouth,” I mumbled. She laughed. “I know. That’s normal. Is your stomach okay?” “Uhhh.... yeah, I think so...” I felt the squeeze thing on my arm pulse a little. “I’m going to sit you up a little, okay?” Sure, what the hell. I have no idea what just happened. They gave me my glasses back. The world snapped into focus. I wanted to go to sleep. Just lay down, sleep, forever. “How does your stomach feel?” “It’s okay.” I thought they had already asked me that. The arm thing pulsed again. They sat me all the way up. I wish they hadn’t. I wanted to lay down again. Sleep is good.... “Okay, let me go get the wheelchair.” Huh? Wheelchair? How messed up was I? Oh well. Nurse-lady helped me stand. I almost fell over. I thought I had my balance, but apparently not. I slumped in the wheelchair. Every muscle in my body felt weighted. I heard that I had “done very well”. Good. I suppose that’s good. I half drifted off again when she pushed me down the hall. Then, she asked me, “Do you know these people?” A man and a woman stood at a car, wearing happy smiles. Sort of.... oh, right. Mom and Dad. I nodded. They helped me into the front seat. I don’t really remember the car ride home. I think they did most of the talking. I didn’t have a whole bunch to contribute. The rest of the day was not fun. It was a feeling like flipping channels on TV, fading in and out. Certain images would reach me and I would hear parts of conversations. I slept for about three hours, on and off. I made one disastrous attempt at eating. I couldn’t feel my tongue or my lips, so I couldn’t really eat. Didn’t work out. I drank some Gatorade. I’ve found it is easier to drink than eat. Later, Dad tried to get me to eat some pudding, so I could take the pain medication, which you apparently can’t take on an empty stomach. I couldn’t do it. I was highly nauseous. I slept a little more. I felt much better when I woke up. I could finally feel the part of my chin and tongue that I hadn’t previously, so I could eat. The only thing distracting me was the mind-warping, biting pain. It felt like someone had taken a sword to my back molars. Because I hadn’t eaten anything, Mom and Dad drugged me up with some Tylenol and told me that I could take the real stuff in about four hours. I went back into Dreamland. When I woke up, I was well enough to play Wind Waker and watch some TV. I feel better than I did, by far. My face is swelling. Michael is of the opinion that I look like a Wookie. You know, those things from Star Wars, with the big faces. Chewbacca was a Wookie. Ugh, I think I should go. I’m starting to feel sick again. Time = 10:32 P.M. EDST. Hope I don’t hurl. June 23, 2006 Not a great day, overall. My face has swelled to almost twice the size it was before. I look like a squirrel, or like I’m holding two tennis balls inside my cheeks. I still look like a Wookie. I slept a bunch today, and only woke up when David started stomping through the house talking in a loud voice. I’ve been on the couch for most of the day. I’m feeling better though. I would be all set if my face would deflate. I have no appetite, but at least I don’t feel sick anymore. My gums feel about the same as getting a new appliance or something like that. I’ll survive. I just can’t open my mouth at all past the halfway point, and yawning hurts. If Michael and David go to go see that movie Click tonight, then I’m going to try to go. I just shouldn’t have anything to eat. It’s been a month since I told the Walrus. It’s been exactly nine months since Gary hooked up with Lili Wolford when I still liked him. I realized something awhile ago. Exactly eight months after Gary and Lili hooked up, I told the Walrus. What is it about the 23rd? Some magic date, perhaps? I wonder what’s going to happen on July 23rd? August 23? I could go on for days here. Ugh.... I think I need something to do. I don’t want to sleep anymore, but I don’t think I’m well enough to do anything else. I hate being sick in any way, even though I’ve faked sick a lot in my life. Mom and Dad are going out to eat with some people. I hope Michael and David don’t leave. I don’t want to be here all alone. Time = 6:58 P.M. EDST. Great, now the pain’s back. June 24, 2006 Amy and Alex are leaving tomorrow for band camp. I’m really going to miss them. I’m going to have no one to talk to for a straight month. I know they’re probably packing, but I wish they would get online so I could say goodbye to them. I’ve already started the letter to Amy. I wish she would let me write one to Alex, since he’s my friend too and he said he doesn’t get any letters. I guess I have to respect her and her wishes. Uncle Mike is here. He’s Dad’s brother. Lives in Indonesia. He’s a pilot. We’ve been having a real good time. He’s a cool guy. He’s really funny, but not in an obvious way. He’ll just say something that’s not even supposed to be funny and it is for some reason. He can talk forever. He’s infamous for talking for, like, three straight hours on the phone to Dad. I guess I have no room to talk, however, with my phone records with Amy. We usually talk until someone’s phone dies. My wisdom teeth are much better. My cheeks, however, are still quite swollen. They’ve been calling me Cheeks for the past couple days. I still have to ice them and take anti-inflammatories for a few more days. That should bring my face down. At least Michael had the John McCain look, but I look like a creature out of Star Wars. Amy called today. She told Paul! I was proud of her. He asked if she wanted to go out sometime. That’s good. I think me and Amy both got what we wanted the most this year. I think it’s safe to say we fall for weird guys. A year ago I never would have liked the Walrus. Paul’s a nerd. A likable nerd, but a nerd all the same. That’s pr

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