i need a way to get my sexual frustrations out maybe thats why my mental abilitiles have dwindled. i need to think of other things but i'm scared of myself because i know how easily i can hurt people and how i dont think of anything in the moment or i think too much and dont do anything i should have talked to those people at scholastic bowl and these people are getting boring but then i think that's why im boring too and i wont be anything anywhere but i cant stand being alone so i dont know what to do if i cant get along my mentality is nothing. i havent read enough or well enough, i have not thought scientifically enough, my hand not fit for words, drawings, music. i mean nothing. i dont know if i can change myself but i really want to