• I've decided boys are horrible. Completely horrible. And immature. How is it that around me, they can be so calm? So natural. And yet, when they're around their friends they can be completely different people. No, not for the better. And they complain when I have mood swings. My God, Bi-fucking-Polar much? On another note, it got worse today. My sickness, I mean. I vomited blood for the first time. I don't know why. Maybe my fingernail scratched my insides. I don't know. I was scared. Really scared. I wish I could stop. It's not possible though. I can't stop. I can't stop if I wanted to. And I don't want to anymore. I'm in far, far too deep. I'm obsessed with this. With her. You know, that voice in my head. The one that yells at me when I pick up that first piece of food. The one who laughs when I'm rocking back and forth, ashamed. The one saying, 'I told you so' after I've looked on the scale and found you've gained 0.5 of a pound. I'm glad she's there though. She keeps me in line. Yeah. Not so fun, anymore, is it? I'm tired of this. But I can't stop. I'm doing this for him. And for me. I know I'll be better when I'm perfect. He'll want me. And I need that. xox.me

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