• Dang it all, Brendan. Do you feel about me the way I feel about Mark? I hate being the object of that when I know I can't do anything about it anyway. You're not a Christian, man. I can't help that, and I'm tired of having to explain to you that it's not going to work. Anyway, we're not cut out for each other. I think what I want is entirely different from what you have to offer. You have plenty to offer, dear, but not what I'm looking for. I can't tell you that, though. I just e-mailed him back tonight, after he said that he would be willing to change if I'd help him. I know he doesn't get that changing his peripheral views on life issues that he doesn't really care about doesn't make him suitable. There's no way he's going to become a strong, solid Christian in the next few months or whatever. That makes it easier for me to say no, but it doesn't make it easier to reason with him. I'm tired of it, do you know? It was a little flattering at first, that he seemed to think he was in love with me. It still is flattering, really, I just wonder what it is. *Is* he in love with me? Can he know that? How can he fall for someone that he's only spoken to seriously for a few months? But on the flip side, how can I fall for someone that I've only known superficially, albeit for upwards of three years? And another thing I was thinking - what is my policy for dating? I don't mean morally, but the way I feel about a guy before I date him. If a guy were to ask me to go out that I don't already feel I like, yet knew would be a good guy to date, would I go? Excluding Alyssa and whatever other girl is in the picture, if Wes were to ask me out, would I go even though he's a year younger and I don't feel specifically like I like him? I wonder.

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