• not alot happens . i mean nothing new i guess . i dont like to talk to people . i think that i have learned that about myself . i dont like help , and i dont need people saving me . but at the same time , i love it when i kno a boy wants to be there for me , and i like the feeling when i kno someone is taking care of me . but i have to say , there are times , where its like ohk , i can take care of myself , becuase i was raised like that . i was practically raised by me anyway . i guess what i learned yesterday was why i drink . i dirnk becuase i want an excuse to pour my heart out to someone else . i want the feeling that i can say " ohh sorry iw as fucked up , i guess that slipped out." when i kno what i said and why i said it . yeah wehn im drunk i might not be able to stand up , but i kno what im saying , and i know what im doing . and i think tat everyone can admit .. they like to drink becuase theyre the opposite of who they usually are . i think i drink so people know that i can be fun , and i can let go ... and just be the girl that i would love to be . crazy and loose , and i can dance ! its the feeling that your different , and its still you . it makes me happy , and it makes me feel better . but the fact that it's drinking isn't good . i don'tlike to think about that fact that i drink at age 14 . no i dont like that , yeah it makes me seem trashy . and i dont think that i am . idk i guess i am who i am and thas one of the things that mikey has taught me . mikey and i havent even been dating for long , but i can already tell that he helps me . he helps me come out a little , and even if we get into little fights becuaseof it , in the end , it helps , becuase its like he wants to being the real me out , even if it means shaking up my world a little bit . grades are shitty , school sucks , but what else is new? basketball tryouts tomorrow . i can only pray for my spot on A . but yeah i guess have to rely on the talent . which i dont even have lol . carma , its a bitch , and i want to change mine . omg oth is back this week . makes meso happy . !! haha yay . =] i guess ill check in later , yo . last song heard: Gravity artist: JOHN MAYER BITCH =]] xxnightttt .

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