• I want him terribly right now. I'm reading this book, Captivating, and the whole thing is about how to be the woman God wants me to be. Sounds stupid, but it's pretty fascinating. Part of it is how to be gentle and sweet while still strong and loyal, but another part is learning to let the man in your life fight for you. That sounds stupid too, but guys need to feel like they're fighting for you, and that they're the man in the situation. And reading about all this stuff makes me want a relationship in which to practice what they're talking about. I do want a "relationship" right now, and he's the one I want it with. Having talked a decent amount to a guy friend of mine (we went through the he-likes-me-but-he-isn't-a-Christian deal, and now he's one of my closest friends) about dating and relationships and love, I crave it really deeply. I want to be the woman that he walks into a room, sees, and is totally ensnared by. I want to be the only woman he thinks about, the only one that has his interest, the only one who he desperately wants to talk to every morning when he wakes up. I want to know that I own him - heart, mind, and body. And I want to be the woman who gives her heart, mind, and body completely to him. Don't get me wrong - I have no intention of doing that last one until we would be well and married, but that is a part of it. I want the kind of passionate, undiminished love that means I'll forever melt at one look from him, and that he needs me desperately. The kind of love cheesy songwriters mourn, where he'd need me like air, like breath, like life, but not in the cheesy way. I want to be the woman that certain words from Ringside perfectly describe - "You infect me." In all the ways that deep, intense love makes right, I want to be desired. I want him to feel strong around me, to know that i depend on him absolutely. Like in the book Captivating, I want him feel validated and secure when he fights for me. And the sad thing? He probably feels this way about his fiancee, and he'll probably never feel that way about me.

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