• christmas eve. used to be the lbest time of year . its the only holiday that has its own songs, its own smell, and its very own feel. but somehow its hard to think that every year is going to be the same. i had mike last year, and this year i dont. let me tell you something, change is very hard to cope with. You get very used to one person, and the way they live their life, and then suddenly , you have to let them go, and hope that they'll find love and happiness without you in their lives. It was hard to kiss luke and not to break down, becuase even though t may be corny, i loved mike. he was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. he made me so happy. every time i saw him my heart would jump up, and now he's no longer there. and we fight and fight, and clal eachother hurtful things becuase we are hurting so much ourselves. I have to come to realalize that no one will ever be like him, no one will kiss me like he did. As mike said, "people and the way they kiss are like snowflakes, no two are the same." he's right, no one person is the same as another, and i guess i cant patronize people becuase they aren't like him. It's just hard to move on when everything makes me think of him. I opened my eyes one day and it was 12.21. =( . it made me think, of how long ago this had been going on. But there is a point where you have to move on, and you have to think about how happy you were, and if you were that happy once, then sure as hell you will be that happy once again. Its better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved. I guess i can't say much else, and i don't want to grieve over him forever, becuase there is no point. What i am trying to say here is...he touched my heart. And to this day, no one has compared to the way he made me feel. For other news... It's christmas eve, and i guess its exciting. The "fantastic four" has kind of split up. Bella and Carly are now the TREMENDOUS TWO !!* it doesnt really effect Ashley and I that much, just for the fact that those were out best friends, and i guess we have to deal with it. And i don't mean in drinking it down... hm. Gina was online yesterday and said that she can get shit for the last week of break. This made me so happy. Why wouldnt this make me happy. I mean i kno alcohol isnt good and everything, but a drunken mind speaks a sober heart , and thats something i will never forget, becuase i have experienced that first hand . The memories that being drunk gives you are priceless as long as no one gets hurt. I'm happy, of course things can be better, but what are you going to do ? You miss someone? Learn to love life without them , and cherish the time and memories that you shared with that person. Becuase you can always go foward, but never go back. No Regrets Baby . =] last song heard: Run Artist: Snow Patrol . xx. &+ merry christmasss .

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