12.10

  • i have to write an entry right now . i honestly dont kno what to do about mike . should be be togehter or not? i love him so much , and i don't kno if i could lose him...but is it for the best? i wonder why someone cant just give me the right answer. i wish someone could tell me whats the right thing to do . i have intrest in luke... but i WILL NOT let myself dump mike for him , becuase luke can be lying , and i don't trust guys . even if they hapen to be one of my best friends . mike and i have been thru so much , and i dont kno what i would do if he wasnt mine . i could fix his collar , i couldne hold his hand , i could give him kisses whenever i wanted to , and i dont kno what that would do to me . i wish i could have like i test drive in the life i could have . and i kno that ash and bella would cal me a whore and shit . i can tell what luke wants me to do , but WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT DO I WANT TO DO ? why cant i just forget about everyone else in the world and focus on what i want to do . mike and i fight and then "break up" but ....WOW WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ? this is so hard... i mean i hate change . so the obvious thing to do would be to stay with mike , becuase im good at that , im good at the relationship... but then theres change . where he wouldnt be mine , and i wouldnt be his , and all the people asking about it , and all my friends probably not being there for me. so i guess the quesiton in the lng run is who do i want to be with , or i guess what do i want to happen? beacuse i hate change , and i dont really want anything to change . but i cant help but think that change is good . do you think that mike and i have reached our limit? like have we reached the point in the relationship where there is nothing else to discover? cuz i was talking to luke last night , and there was so uch that he didnt kno about me , so much that i could discover about him. and getting to know someone new is so muuch fun , being able to let someone new into your heart, is the most refreshing feeling in the whole world . but then again, laying around with someone you love so much, and someone who is already in your heart , is just as refreshing , if not more refreshing . so what am i left with ? be with mike , or not . no birthday kiss , no xmas hugs... and i know that we fight a lot . WHAT DO I DO , WHAT do i do ??? *i need an answer , badly , please , someone help me . becuase i am so weak , and i need guidance . just someone tell me what to do . the answer is in my heart.... ...question, who makes me happy? *mike/luke . ..question , who makes me happier? *____ MEMORY: look in stickies , read them , and do you think luke would say the same things? i would let things work out , what am i in a rush for . but here do you remember when you were in a movie , and mike took your hand , and then took your bracelet, and then he said [which i rememebr like it was yesterday] "kiss me for it." i felt like i was in a movie . go int eh guestroom , lay in the middle of the bed... like it was his chest . isn't that what makes you happy ? stcwrestler115: leslie stcwrestler115: you are perfect for me stcwrestler115: ive never loved anything or anyone more than i love you last song heard: come around again artist: jet xx.
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