• yeah the fishit thing was just about being dragged "grocery" shopping and ending up going to this seafood store. i felt terrible for the fish in the tank up the front. actually, those words don't give justice to how i really felt, and still feel. they just swam (actually, more of a wobble because there was no room at all) around waiting to be slaughtered. how could anyone want to do that? "i'd like that one, please!" and then the butcher would grab it by its tail, whack it a coupla times on the blood-stained bench and, with a swift strike, knock off its head. the decapitated corpse would then be subdued by numerous more slashes until the pieces of its body were well sized and packaged into a nice neat package, ready to be bought by a suspecting mother of a person that i know of. i mean, personally, i find it disgusting. it almost measures up to being the same as some crazy-ass murderer person picking their next victim out of a crowd of hostages. and then to know that YOU YOURSELf caused the death of this magnificent (though not so good looking after spending weeks in a filthy tank, surrounded by other fish that've got finger-like strands of white "mould" sprouting from their eyes) creature. YOU took the life of this innocent being. it was moving three seconds ago, but now it's laying limp and in small chunks in your hands. i don't understand how anyone could know that, and then be able to endure it. yeah. the shit part was that someone had shat (shitted?) all over the toilet seats at a place that i will not mention. everyone who walked in came out in a fit of laughter, pinching their noses and screwing up their faces while gathering all their friends around to also have a peek. to me, that was pitiful. it's natural to get a stomach bug sometimes, so it shouldn't be such a big deal if someone just has to let loose uncontrollably. if i was that person, i'd have been embarrassed enough without all these bunches of people giggling and sniggering everywhere. although, wouldn't any person with half a conscience have the decency to clean it up? the poor soul that would have to eventually come around to picking the dry scabs of shit off the plastic. that's foul. just because someone's job is to be a janitor, it doesn't mean that they aren't human beings too. it's likely that they weren't as fortunate as you, and probably didn't have as many opportunities, so couldn't lift themselves out of the rut that they'd be sure to be stuck in for the rest of their lives. don't make their lives just that much harder for a few kicks. be reasonable, ya fuckhead. or maybe they were previously unemployed, and were just beginning to make their way back up the ladder that is a career. kicking people while they're down never did anyone any good. come to think of it, it was probably a prank - a terribly despicable one at that. and the whackjob that did it was probably proud of it and everything. that sickens me even more. fuck it. the real reason for this entry was so that i could, if i ever got the urge to go back to how i was, think about why i converted (what a pretentious word) in the first place. i've never had a pet, except this one bird whose name was finchy because he was a finch. i wasn't able to get quite close to him before he was smoked to death by my uncle's incessant passion for cigarettes. haha, i sound pretty whingy. pfff well, what's a journal for if you aren't gonna write stuff in it? yes, i could write about how life is going great, but i know i take the good times for granted and such. and who wants to go back over their journals to read about the good stuff that happened? if it was really that fantastic and worthy of being remembered, then you wouldn't actually forget it in the first place. i find it more interesting to read about unhappy stuff. like, in the newspapers every day; people want bad news, not good news. but stuff that's really that bad doesn't happen to me, so i just write about what's on my mind and probably some of what i wouldn't have the guts to say straight to anyone's face. i shouldn't have to feel guilty for anything. here's a big fuck you (actually it's quite small) to you, MR LM. thanks for everything ya dickhead. so here we go, http://www.flickr.com/photos/loupiote/sets/1652923 Completely wretched. How can you kill something in a "humane" way? As if you could go up to someone, slit their throat and sit there while you watch their blood drain, and then be allowed to get away with describing it as "humane". Aw yeah, any day. Pots calling kettles black - I like that analogy.

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