• I'd like to tell him that. But I couldn't. What's going to happen is that he'll stay angry at me for a long time and I won't try and make up for fear of getting turned down. "I don't wanna crash and burn!" -Talan, Laguna Beach. Yep. I wrote this a couple minutes after the argument happened. “You’re an ass.” Ouch. Wouldn’t it be so cool…so wonderful if years later I had a friend, a wonderful friend, who I could come home to everyday. Someone I’ve known for years, who knows me deeply, understands everything about me deeply. Wouldn’t it be wonderful? I guess it was his turn to just walk out of an argument. I did it last time…though this time I’m sure he won’t be crawling back to me as I did. The reason being he doesn’t really love me. He tells me all the time that he does, jokingly so, friendly like so, honestly so. I don’t. The irony, I love him. It wasn’t just because he was high… He had hurt me the other day…unintentionally I know! But goddamn it, I’ll admit it, I wanted to hurt him. Anyways...it hurts...so much. At the same time I can barely feel. something's missing and I know it's my fault. I would do anything for him to just...get back online and say those words..I swear I would say them back. And mean it with all of my heart.

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