• Recently I have been imagining myself playing drums for Explosions in the sky. That patience and that wonder is amazing. that passion. I wonder what it would take for a person to write an album like that. For sufjan stevens and explosions in the sky are the two albums that I would hold up in a crowd of people and tell them that they would have memories with these. they would have real expereinces where they have nostalgia and it would rise something inside of them that longs deep. Longing makes me swallow hard and gives me chill bumps in the middle of a library. It makes me close my eyes and my stomach twist and hurt. It is going to that place where I long for and yearn for but cannot explain why I have it. Why do I have such a longing, such passionate feeling inside of me that want to pour out? What is it about music given through black headphones in an empty library that makes me want to be alive with every vein in my body? The music just keeps playing tenderly at first(EiS) and then violently, but with purpose. It is controlled but real. It goes in a direction and is not a confused Peter Townshed angst gutair ripping up but it is the oppoiste. It is being satified. It is actually loving the moment and NOT being loud for the sake of its own praise but for something else. For we were not made(that is, we were not made to tear things up so other people would think we were really dangerous and was made about something, because ultimately you look very dumb punching walls, that's not passion that's confusion and anger) to bring praise to something else, so nothing it dependent on us. We have to quit performing and trying to uphold our insecure images. we begin by putting our masks on the floor and being real an transparent to everyone and praising the God that allowed us to live. For my desires will be fulfilled I bring glory to God. Passion is real and it demands attention and we begin to follow those who have it. We begin to follow those who are transparent, not those who are aimlessly violent. I'll try to mimic Pete Townshed and then look up to realize everyone is looking at me and realize taht I actually don't know how everyone is going to react. I'll be scared and try not to pretend I dont knwo what I am doing. Ill have to get mad at every concert and tear up drum sets and then realize I was pretty insecure and I'll change my image again by not doing it. For what is constant?

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