• I need to learn how to be OK with myself. I need to learn to appreciate who I am and realize that I am important. I need to stop settling for less and putting myself on the line for people who only take and never give. This is a task easier said than done. I think this will be a constant struggle. A plan is needed. A change is in store. I want to go for a drive. I wish Orlando wasn't a giant highway. Sometimes nothing soothes the soul better than a back road drive. I miss Montana and it's nothingness. You could drive for hours and still be the only human being within a 20 mile radius. Everytime I drove through the great plains, I pretended to be in a movie. I imagined the helicopter swooping camera angles, making circles around me. I would always listen to this one Rainer Maria CD. I would drive so fast. In the mountains it was different. I'd pop in Canyon and drive like a snail, taking in all the night time shadows the moutains made, swaying back and forth with the curves of the road. I'd always imagined myself letting my car drive itself off one of those cliffs into the Missouri. My car would float down the river back to my house where I would watch the northern lights until I fell asleep on my front porch. I didn't need anyone then. Life was pure and sweet. I would give anything to go back right now.

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