I think much like another song “Anti-Matter” (that's also on the same album as this song), this one is also is inspired by a horrifying van crash the band experienced on Nov 3, 2022. This, much like the other track, sounds like it's an extension what they shared while huddled in the wreckage, as they helped frontman Garrett Russell stem the bleeding from his head wound while he was under the temporary effects of a concussion. The track speaks of where the mind goes at the most desperate & desolate of times, when it just about slips away to all but disconnect itself, and the aftermath.
Am I to blame?
If I won't speak her name, if I won't face her grave
Maybe I'm to blame, maybe I'm to blame
Since you're gone, I've never felt the same
Well maybe I'm just a bad seed
Of the family
I'll get my sleep without tear-stained sheets
And I'll never come cryin' for sympathy
Well I need a place to run to
Yeah I need a place to hide
Yeah I need a place where I don't need a smile as my disguise
Am I to blame?
If I won't grace your grave
Am I to blame? Am I to blame?
If I cannot bear to face your grave
And mother please shine down on me
Show me that I'm not the bad seed
Maybe I'm to blame, maybe I'm to blame
Since you're gone I never felt the same
Well maybe my mind's deceiving me
But I think you took the easy way out
You left me standing there empty handed
As soon as you put that gun in your mouth
So please don't keep on asking
If there's something wrong
'Cause you know damn well if I was fine
I would've never ever written this song
Am I to blame?
If I won't face your grave
If I won't speak her name, if I won't face her grave
Maybe I'm to blame, maybe I'm to blame
Since you're gone, I've never felt the same
Well maybe I'm just a bad seed
Of the family
I'll get my sleep without tear-stained sheets
And I'll never come cryin' for sympathy
Well I need a place to run to
Yeah I need a place to hide
Yeah I need a place where I don't need a smile as my disguise
Am I to blame?
If I won't grace your grave
Am I to blame? Am I to blame?
If I cannot bear to face your grave
And mother please shine down on me
Show me that I'm not the bad seed
Maybe I'm to blame, maybe I'm to blame
Since you're gone I never felt the same
Well maybe my mind's deceiving me
But I think you took the easy way out
You left me standing there empty handed
As soon as you put that gun in your mouth
So please don't keep on asking
If there's something wrong
'Cause you know damn well if I was fine
I would've never ever written this song
Am I to blame?
If I won't face your grave
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This song was originally written by a guy called Peter Gutteridge. He was one of the founders of the "Dunedin Sound" a musical scene in the south of New Zealand in the early 80s. From there it was covered by "The Clean" one of the early bands of that scene (he had originally been a member of in it's early days, writing a couple of their best early songs). The Dunedin sound, and the Clean became popular on american college radio in the mid to late 80s. I guess Yo La Tengo heard that version.
Great version of a great song,
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its about a parent who died and the child feels responsable.
A little deeper than than lunchbox. The albums whole theme is suicide and the feeling of being lost in society and this is just one of the songs that adds to the common theme of the album. Life of Agony was one of my favorite bands and the true master of the ill fated idea of a concept album. Concept albums usually suck for the most part (go ask Kiss about The Elder) but this album (River Runs Red) and Ugly succeed at giving us good music with an ultimately good message.
this song is what depression feels like. the pounding, the fear, the unexpected turns, and the feeling of isolation. from the horrifying chant of 'im the bad seed' to the emotional breakdown... these guys know whats its like to never want to see day again. and with this song, and this whole album in fact (River Runs Red), they create the best form of antidepressant. one spin of this album is cathartic in a way. it will purify your inner evils. you are not alone. LOA is always there to understand.
To me this song is not necessarialy about a friend or loved one actually dying. Or even about someone commiting suicide for that matter. But more about how relationships in general come to a fork in the road. The decay of coummunication I guess you could say. <br /> <br /> He wants the friendship to end but at the same time doesnt want to completely sever the ties. He sees this person every now and then but thier is no common ground to walk upon, it is nothing more than a ritual of banality. It is routine, something he is familiar with. He is torn, he wishes to bury his past but does not know how to do so.<br /> <br /> A proper burial for all he once knew if you will. <br /> <br /> Sometimes the past doesnt rest so easy. I definitely think that frame of mind could be applied to this song.