EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
LEWIS AND CLARK!
VERSUS!
BILL AND TED!
BEGIN!

L&C:

Both:
You cant be startin' with Lewis and Clark
'Cause we cut a path through MC's like a walk in the park
And give 'em back a whole stack of maps and accurate charts
Showing exactly where our footprints on their buttocks are marked!

Clark::
We're two traveling wordsmiths spitting hotter than a furnace!

Both:
And we'll own you on the mic like the Louisiana Purchase!

Lewis:
You're worthless!

Clark:
Your future selves should have told ya that!

Lewis:
Now go back in time and give Doctor Who his phonebooth back!

Both:
We discovered Bears and Beavers
And Prairie Dogs and Weasels!
Rattlesnakes and Catfish
Owls, Larks and Eagles!

Lewis:
And plus Flora Galore!

Clark::
And according to our observations

Both:
These two dickweeds right here are severely endangered!
We inspired pioneers and travelers near and far
You inspired Air Guitar and "Dude, Where's my car?"
We conquered much greater danger in our trek through mother nature
So step off!

Clark:
But tell Bill's Stepmom...

Both:
Dont be a stranger!


B&T

Ted:
Bill's mom is hot but that joke was most heinous
I've heard better insults drop from Socrate's anus!

Bill:
Thats my stepmom, Ted! Let's keep it excellent between us
And show these boy scouts how it goes in San Dimas!

Both:
We're quick when we spit like Billy the Kid with his guns!
You'll be verbally kicked in the Nut-Sacajawea puns!
A teen mom carried you and your troops?
You should have let the baby lead and put you in the papoose

Bill:
And if those native dudes knew

Ted:
What white dudes were gonna due

Bill:
They would have stopped you in Dakota

Ted:
They should totally Siox

Both:
Why dont ya go back to patrolling Napoleon's old swamps?
Or you'll discover your corpse most triumphantly stomped!


L&C

Clark:
Did ya hear that meriwether ?

Lewis:
I think they mean to brawl!

Clark:
Ill take Neo!

Lewis:
Ill take the one no one knows at all

Both:
From the front of Black Eagle to the Pacific
We put the Diss in Dysentery because we spit sick!
Without Rufus you'd be useless on the trails we blazed
You couldn't navigate your way out of a circle K!
Send over Garth and Wayne because you turkeys arent worthy
Suffering your raps is a Most Bogus Journey

B&T

Bill:
Man, they totally burned us...

Ted:
I feel like such a doofus

Bill:
What do we do?

Ted:
I dont know

Rufus:
Stay excellent!

Both:
RUFUS!

Ted:
He's right, dude! We dont have to take this kind of abuse!

Bill:
From some Paul Bunyan dudes in potato sack shoes!

Ted:
You rode a river one direction!

Bill:
We traveled four dimensions!

Both:
Rescue bodacious babes and get back for detention!

Ted:
Iv'e seen your future, Mr. Lewis and I dont wanna be rude
But spoiler alert:

Bill:
You totally kill yourself dude!

Ted;
So we offer you peace with these resplendent medallions

Both:
And we claim this battle for the Wyld Stallions!

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPI-*roar* Huh? RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!


Lyrics submitted by Jirachibi

Lewis and Clark Vs Bill and Ted song meanings
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