This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
The phone don't ring
And the sun refused to shine
Never thought I'd have to pay so dearly
For what was already mine
For such a long, long time
We made mad love
Shadow love
Random love
And abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder
The days slide by
Should have done, should have done, we all sigh
Never thought I'd ever be so lonely
After such a long, long time
Time out of mind
We made mad love
Shadow love
Random love
And abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder
And the sun refused to shine
Never thought I'd have to pay so dearly
For what was already mine
For such a long, long time
We made mad love
Shadow love
Random love
And abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder
The days slide by
Should have done, should have done, we all sigh
Never thought I'd ever be so lonely
After such a long, long time
Time out of mind
We made mad love
Shadow love
Random love
And abandoned love
Accidentally like a martyr
The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder
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As with so much of Zevon’s work, the lyrics here are abstract enough that they fit to your own personal circumstances - and that probably drives my own interpretation - but here goes:
I see Accidentally Like a Martyr as a song about a relationship that has grown old and stale but the protagonist is stuck in it and cannot leave. The chorus refers to the state of their physical relationship going from making “mad love” when they were first together and passionate, though “shadow love” when they were always together and happy, through “random love” as their intimacies became more sporadic with time and finally to “abandoned love” as they no longer interact in that way.
The title suggests that as a “martyr” he has given his life for a cause which is why I think that he is still stuck in the relationship. I see him as being married and probably with children and deciding to forfeit the life that he wants — that makes him happy - in order to protect his family from the hurt of separation and divorce. He didn’t actively choose to get to this point but probably acquiesced to the point that he has no choice left, hence he is “accidentally like a martyr” and has given up his life for the sake of his family.
Slightly more tenuous but I suspect that the “phone don’t ring” because his former friends slipped away as his relationship grew (and he isolated himself away with his lover) but now that the relationship is dying they’re not coming back; the “sun refused to shine” because he is so depressed with the situation that he is stuck in. The “hurt gets worse” for him every day as things get worse and worse and his “heart grows harder” in order to deal with it. “The days slide by” without him really being happy but just hoping and waiting for an end…”should have done, should have done we all sigh” when the options were available.
“Never thought I’d be so lonely after such a long, long time” refers to the growing distance between him and his wife and his inability to connect with anyone else whilst he is in this relationship. This is hard to imagine unless you have been there but being stuck in a relationship where you are distant with the other party but unable to connect with anyone else because of the relationship is an extremely lonely and desperate place to be.
@benhayes21 Thanks, that make a lot of sense.<br />
@benhayes21 I like your interpretation. I can see it as a possible and plausible view of a relationship gone cold. Thanks!