| The Smashing Pumpkins – Crestfallen Lyrics | 15 years ago |
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This song is the exact way i feel about my ex-gf. every line fits so perfectly.We are lesbians, she says she is bisexual. She is Russian, and says bc of family stuff she won't come out of the closet. The line "your life is not your own" makes me think of her situation. I don't think her decision to not come is wrong, bc i know she doesn't want to hurt her parents. but i also feel that bc she wasn't truly happy with me, i kinda put her in the same situation, that her family did. i worry a lot she wasn't happy bc then she would have had to be living another life that wasn't authentic. She says some times she wantsto have a family "the natural" way she says. Plus, i think because of my depression and anxiety and just how i am in general, she could never really fall in love with me. i kept getting scared and angry. this is what the line "you were never meant to belong to me" means to me, she deserves someone who shines the way she does. the line "who am i...to ask you why, to tell you no" reminds me of when we would talk after the breakup, i would ask her why it was over and tell her no, that there was still hope, even though i knew inside it was over for her and i understood why. After our breakup, i went crazy and ended up being hospitalized. All i wanted was to close my eyes and when i opened them to be back in bed with her, one of many nights we'd spend side by side. but whatever loved or respect she had for me was gone, only sympathy. and after my moodiness during the relationship and insanity after the breakup, who was i to need her, or tell her i did? i wish i could ask for another chance, another postponement of the inevitable, even just to talk... "along the way, i lost my faith"... when we began, i had faith that i could be a positive person in her life, someone who could support her and accpt her for who she is. now, a year later, i feel nothing but selfish, as i ask "who am i?" and the question comes back as so far from the person i wanted to be for her. |
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