Civilian

"I am nothing without pretend I know my my thoughts Can't live with them I am nothing without a man I know my faults but I can't hide them"

She is stuck in that trap that many girls fall into, pretending that things are different than they are, pretending to be someone she isn't, unable to live with the truth of herself and her feelings. She feels she is defined by the man in her life and "is nothing without him". She knows this is wrong, but can't help it.

"I still keep my baby teeth in the bedside table with my jewelry You still sleep in the bed with me, my jewelry and my baby teeth You still sleep in the bed with me My jewelry and my baby teeth"

She keeps the things she has lost that once were a part of her close, she keeps the things that she adorns herself with close. Her man is both; she has already lost him, and whether he is still "physically" there or not, she still keeps the idea of him there in that realm of illusion and comfort, he "still is a part of her" when he's not anymore, she still "wears him on her arm" although he's gone

"I don't need another friend When most of them I can barely keep up with them I'm perfectly able to hold my own hand But I still can't kiss my own neck"

Her reaction to the "let's still be friends" She doesn't NEED another goddamn friend- in fact, she's racked up enough of the boyfriend-who-left-her, "lets-be-friends", can't keep up with them. She can get her friendship need met; hold her own hand, what she NEEDS is a LOVER; can't kiss her own neck.

"I wanted to give you everything But I still stand in awe of superficial things I wanted to love you like my mother's mother's mother did, Civilian"

She wanted to make it work, wanted to give the failed relationship her all, Be real, be loving, be the ultimate old fashioned love, but she's hung up with her own humanity, her flaws, her superficiality As far as "civilan", that's a big one. I think of "civilian" more as the innocent masses, as opposed to what would be the opposite; the military, the law. She's saying the man was an innocent; she brought the war, she brought the rules, and he was caught in crossfire and left her, and that ONE word signifies her acknowledgement of that; that SHE is the one chasing off these men that she clings to so desperately. Beautiful, haunting, simple, and yet so deep and common I think everyone can relate to it in one way or another