Cruel To Be Kind

Nick Lowe

Oh I can't take another heartache
Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end
You say your love is bonafide, but that don't coincide
With the things that you do
And when I ask you to be nice, you say

You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you, baby
(You've gotta be cruel)
You gotta be cruel to be kind

Well I do my best to understand dear
But you still mystify and I want to know why
I pick myself up off the ground
To have you knock me back down, again and again
And when I ask you to explain, you say

You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you, baby
(You've gotta be cruel)
You gotta be cruel to be kind

Well I do my best to understand dear
But you still mystify and I want to know why
I pick myself up off the ground
To have you knock me back down, again and again
And when I ask you to explain, you say

You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you baby
(You've gotta be cruel)
You gotta be cruel to be kind

(Cruel to be kind), oh in the right measure
(Cruel to be kind), it's a very very very good sign
(Cruel to be kind), it means that I love you, baby
(You've gotta be cruel)
You gotta be cruel to be kind

(Cruel to be kind), oh in the right measure
(Cruel to be kind), yes it's a very very very good sign
(Cruel to be kind), it means that I love you, baby
(You've gotta be cruel)
You gotta be cruel to be kind

(Cruel to be kind), oh in the right measure
(Cruel to be kind), yes it's a very very very good sign
(Cruel to be kind), it means that I love you


Lyrics submitted by numb

Cruel to Be Kind Lyrics as written by Nicholas Orain Lowe Ian Robert Gomm

Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Universal Music Publishing Group

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Cruel To Be Kind song meanings
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10 Comments

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  • +2
    General Comment
    Before i read anyone else's comments and alter mine... This is what i think this song is about: It's pretty much obviously a couple although this could apply to friendships also. The guy clearly pretty much loves this girl and everything about her and treats her how he feels about her which is with kindness. But the girl doesn't so easily give back the same 100% dedication/love that the guy is willing to give. Instead, she sticks around, but says some cutting remarks from time to time which leave him feeling probably a little shot down all the time, and he wishes she would just be nice. You've gotta be cruel to be kind is the response that the girlfriend gives when asked by the boyfriend why she just can't be nice. And by being cruel to be kind, the girlfriend is basically answering, "Overall, I am nice. I'm just brutally honest with my thoughts and feelings." Anyways I have memories of my old best friend singing this song and I miss her.. so i love this song
    Spunky77on September 04, 2008   Link
  • +2
    General Comment
    The term was invented by Shakespeare in his tragedy Hamlet. To be “cruel to be kind” is to cause someone pain for his or her own good. Telling someone something that will hurt them because it's better for them in the long run. It appears like you're trying to hurt them when in fact, you're looking out for their best interest.
    RoseTeaCup1216on September 20, 2010   Link
  • +1
    General Comment
    It's a take off from the Shakespeare line "...cruel to be kind." He's good to her, but she's not so good to him. He just can't figger that one out!
    Mojogojoeon February 13, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment
    When I first heard the song I took as meaning that she wasn't interested in him, though he clearly was in her. She thinks that the best thing to do is be mean to him so he doesn't start to like her anymore, only to have a worse heartbreak later on. But after reading all the lyrics I'm not so sure... oh well.
    TheSilverNobleon August 27, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Comment
    C'mon, guys. She CLEARLY loves him, she flat out says it. She just has that typical female roundabout way of showing it. Guys, haven't ya'll ever gone through that stage in a relationship when your girlfriend is pissed at you for God knows what and she treats friends (even your slob ass friends whom she normally detests)/acquaintances/even complete strangers with
    mcmusiclovinon January 14, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Comment
    Hatred (or in this case, seeming cruelty, in the guise of anger, cutting remarks...) is not the opposite of love, apathy is. Just the fact that she's paying enough attention to him proves that she cares. As well as some of the other posts, stating that being truthful, though seemingly cruel in the short-term, for one's own good is proof of love. And "you always hurt the one you love". I'd say those three points wrapped together go a long way to explaining the meaning of CTBK, to me.
    force263on July 23, 2016   Link
  • 0
    General Comment
    I don't think there is anything deep here. It's just a fun, smirky song, based on a funny line from Shakespeare. Lowe is so good at this kind of thing.
    KingRadioon May 02, 2021   Link
  • 0
    General Comment
    To me, this song is about someone who is in a relationship with a Narcissist who is \'gaslighting\' them.\nPeople with Narcissistic Personality Disorder like to put people down constantly, under the pretence of it being for their own good.\nYes, we all need home truths sometimes but this song goes way beyond that.\nJust be kind to be kind.
    Lydia12345on April 21, 2022   Link
  • -1
    General Comment
    kfe2 thats awful when you take a kid to get a jag its sore but you're helping them in the long run so thats "cruel to be kind" therefore i agree with TheSilverNoble's original opinion and i cant find anything when reading the lyrics to suggest otherwise
    personno.1on May 20, 2007   Link
  • -4
    General Comment
    Woman are cruel thats it.
    kfe2on January 29, 2006   Link

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