A casual Taylor Swift listener, a stretch to describe me as a fan. Was driving home in the truck and something in this song struck a memory. So I downloaded it.\n\nLater this night, looking up at cold stars, after listening to this song dozens of times… Could this guy in the song be me? Am I that guy? But, wait, there were reasons… \n\nYeah. It’s me. No way to deny, no place to run. It’s me.\n\n\nI was spent some in the military, and it nothing else, the experience teaches that you can BS everybody else, but you can’t ever BS yourself. You can’t deny truth, even it if isn’t pretty. You have to own it.\n\n\nTaylor: “Maybe this thing was a masterpiece ’til you tore it all up.”\n\nYeah. Me. Without doubt, I screw up a perfectly good relationship, a pure love. Because I was arrogant. Because I was reckless. Because I was “smart.” Because I could.\n\n\nTaylor: “Runnin’ scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.” \n\nYeah. Me again. I solemnly promised to protect you with my life. I swore to God to never allow anything to hurt you. I promised that you would not fear for anything. I promised you that the only tears to fall would be tears of joy. And all that was in my control to do so.\n\nBut I was that one that caused you to run scared for our love. I was the one to allowed you to live in fear, confusion, in doubt of yourself. Your tears fell because of me. I watched it happen, allowed it to happen.\n\nI envisioned myself as the man. The one to protect, to support, to uplift, to safeguard, to make my love happy. No one to cause sad and fearful tears to fall from an innocent and loving person that was guilty only of loving me. \n\nNice illusion, great way to characterize myself. However, deeds speak louder than words. A lie, not only to her. I lied to myself. I failed her. I failed myself. \n\n\nTaylor: “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of bein’ honest.” \n\nMe. Despite alluding [actually, lying] to myself that I was being straightforward and kind, I was so ruthless, so cruel, so focused solely on my life wants and needs. Casually cruel. That was me\n\n\nTaylor: “Some actress askin’ me what happened, you. That’s what happened, you.” \n\nMe. Yeah, I happened. An unfocused wrecking ball, arrogantly and confidently believing what I thought was for the best (as it would, as I am so damn smart). Too shallow to understand your dismay, your fear, your joyful world was being crushed by my casual indifference. Self-awareness, situational awareness, simple respect and concern for an innocent loving soul – a horrible failure in all regards equates to unforgivable sins to not realize the deep pain I caused for someone guilty only of loving me unconditionally, loving me too much. \n\n\nTaylor: “Cause there we are again when I loved you so. Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever know.”\n\nReflecting on this specific verse, I sought truth. Told my story to my Soldier brothers, people I deployed to combat with, opinions that I value. Their feedback - yeah. Yeah. It’s you.\n\nAn irreplaceable love, a person who would love me without end. A pure love that comes once in a lifetime if you are lucky. A Golden love. \n\nAnd I lost it because of my actions, and failure to act. I lost something of unmeasurable value, irreplaceable virtue. Lost to ignorance, recklessness, lack of maturity. Lost because I could not see what was plainly right in front of me, despite the brilliance of its honesty, the blinding light of its love. \n\nMy Brothers told me the obvious cold and hard fact - my heart that failed to see the true, faithful, pure love right in front of it. And that failure can’t be resolved, the mistake can’t be fix. Like combat, something once done can never to be undone. Too late for enlightenment. They also helpfully pointed out that this relationship, this love, did not need to be maneuvered through like a combat situation, but somehow it was. \n\n\nIt was some 25 years ago. I was young, so smart, so mature, so right about everything.\n\nBut tonight, the cold stars gave me their verdict. This is no forgiveness, no absolution, no justification, no amends, no takebacks for what I did. Nor will there be mercy for a foolish man whose heart knew the truth, but was not brave nor smart enough to see and cherish a once in a lifetime love. \n\nHow do I go forward? I can love, cherish, and remain true to the ones with me now. My solemn promise, if my promise is worth anything anymore to anyone, is to do just that. But that it. I can’t fix what I have done, I can only live with it.\n\n\n“Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there, it was rare.” \n\nYes, it was rare, I was there too. Our love is never to repeat, to great loss. My loss.\nI do remember it all too well. I do remember you. \n\nMy love for you was, and is true. It is no longer distorted by my own “smart stupidity.” All of this is much too late. No going backwards. My life will end knowing that through my own actions I destroyed a pure love with the one I was meant to be with. \n\nTo the one I failed so long ago, I can’t even beg for your forgiveness. But I pray your life is full of love, trust, security, happiness, all the things your heart deserved, and never got from me.\n\nBack to the Song Meaning. I have no idea how Taylor Swift conceived this beautiful, painful, and way too accurate description of the worst thing I ever did, worst mistake I ever made. But she did. She did.
A casual Taylor Swift listener, a stretch to describe me as a fan. Was driving home in the truck and something in this song struck a memory. So I downloaded it.\n\nLater this night, looking up at cold stars, after listening to this song dozens of times… Could this guy in the song be me? Am I that guy? But, wait, there were reasons… \n\nYeah. It’s me. No way to deny, no place to run. It’s me.\n\n\nI was spent some in the military, and it nothing else, the experience teaches that you can BS everybody else, but you can’t ever BS yourself. You can’t deny truth, even it if isn’t pretty. You have to own it.\n\n\nTaylor: “Maybe this thing was a masterpiece ’til you tore it all up.”\n\nYeah. Me. Without doubt, I screw up a perfectly good relationship, a pure love. Because I was arrogant. Because I was reckless. Because I was “smart.” Because I could.\n\n\nTaylor: “Runnin’ scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.” \n\nYeah. Me again. I solemnly promised to protect you with my life. I swore to God to never allow anything to hurt you. I promised that you would not fear for anything. I promised you that the only tears to fall would be tears of joy. And all that was in my control to do so.\n\nBut I was that one that caused you to run scared for our love. I was the one to allowed you to live in fear, confusion, in doubt of yourself. Your tears fell because of me. I watched it happen, allowed it to happen.\n\nI envisioned myself as the man. The one to protect, to support, to uplift, to safeguard, to make my love happy. No one to cause sad and fearful tears to fall from an innocent and loving person that was guilty only of loving me. \n\nNice illusion, great way to characterize myself. However, deeds speak louder than words. A lie, not only to her. I lied to myself. I failed her. I failed myself. \n\n\nTaylor: “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of bein’ honest.” \n\nMe. Despite alluding [actually, lying] to myself that I was being straightforward and kind, I was so ruthless, so cruel, so focused solely on my life wants and needs. Casually cruel. That was me\n\n\nTaylor: “Some actress askin’ me what happened, you. That’s what happened, you.” \n\nMe. Yeah, I happened. An unfocused wrecking ball, arrogantly and confidently believing what I thought was for the best (as it would, as I am so damn smart). Too shallow to understand your dismay, your fear, your joyful world was being crushed by my casual indifference. Self-awareness, situational awareness, simple respect and concern for an innocent loving soul – a horrible failure in all regards equates to unforgivable sins to not realize the deep pain I caused for someone guilty only of loving me unconditionally, loving me too much. \n\n\nTaylor: “Cause there we are again when I loved you so. Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever know.”\n\nReflecting on this specific verse, I sought truth. Told my story to my Soldier brothers, people I deployed to combat with, opinions that I value. Their feedback - yeah. Yeah. It’s you.\n\nAn irreplaceable love, a person who would love me without end. A pure love that comes once in a lifetime if you are lucky. A Golden love. \n\nAnd I lost it because of my actions, and failure to act. I lost something of unmeasurable value, irreplaceable virtue. Lost to ignorance, recklessness, lack of maturity. Lost because I could not see what was plainly right in front of me, despite the brilliance of its honesty, the blinding light of its love. \n\nMy Brothers told me the obvious cold and hard fact - my heart that failed to see the true, faithful, pure love right in front of it. And that failure can’t be resolved, the mistake can’t be fix. Like combat, something once done can never to be undone. Too late for enlightenment. They also helpfully pointed out that this relationship, this love, did not need to be maneuvered through like a combat situation, but somehow it was. \n\n\nIt was some 25 years ago. I was young, so smart, so mature, so right about everything.\n\nBut tonight, the cold stars gave me their verdict. This is no forgiveness, no absolution, no justification, no amends, no takebacks for what I did. Nor will there be mercy for a foolish man whose heart knew the truth, but was not brave nor smart enough to see and cherish a once in a lifetime love. \n\nHow do I go forward? I can love, cherish, and remain true to the ones with me now. My solemn promise, if my promise is worth anything anymore to anyone, is to do just that. But that it. I can’t fix what I have done, I can only live with it.\n\n\n“Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there, it was rare.” \n\nYes, it was rare, I was there too. Our love is never to repeat, to great loss. My loss.\nI do remember it all too well. I do remember you. \n\nMy love for you was, and is true. It is no longer distorted by my own “smart stupidity.” All of this is much too late. No going backwards. My life will end knowing that through my own actions I destroyed a pure love with the one I was meant to be with. \n\nTo the one I failed so long ago, I can’t even beg for your forgiveness. But I pray your life is full of love, trust, security, happiness, all the things your heart deserved, and never got from me.\n\nBack to the Song Meaning. I have no idea how Taylor Swift conceived this beautiful, painful, and way too accurate description of the worst thing I ever did, worst mistake I ever made. But she did. She did.