Lyric discussion by sex_pistols_69 

Cover art for Secret Door lyrics by Arctic Monkeys

most people have the idea its about the media and the eye they keep on him and alexa, it can be taken that way but i believe the lyrics have a darker attempt... alex is cheating on his girlfriend with a mystery girl who becomes alexa possibly

"She swam out of tonight's phantasm Grabbed my hand and made it very clear There's absolutely nothing for us here"

alex is at some sort of party/ nightclub. from out of nowhere the girl swam through the crowd and grabbed alexs hand and told him that he and her should leave together

"It's a magnolia celebration To be attempted on a Wednesday night It's better than to get a reputation As a miserable little tyke At least that's the conclusion She came to in this overture"

here he explains that its a bit of a long shot to have a goodnight out on a wednesday night with his friends. at first he didnt wanna head out but to not get a bad reputation as being miserable he joined the event. she came to the conclusion at that point in time alex was also out to possibly pick up and score.

"The secret door swings behind us She's saying nothing She's just giggling along"

(the lyrics to the chorus at this point in the song dont follow the continuation of the story and dont make sense at first UNTIL after the next verse... you will see)

"Her arms were folded most indignant Not looking like she was soon to leave I had to squint in order to believe"

the mystery girl here is being stubborn and persisting to alex that they go somewhere and get it off. Alex has to squint to believe as this is refering to the fact that he has by now had a few drinks and his eye sight and mindstate are altered from his sober decision making.

"And then like a butler Pushing on a bookshelf I'm unveiling the unexpected I, who was earlier reluctant Was suddenly embarrassed and corrected How could such a creature Survive in such a habitat?"

Here Alex who was earlier reluctant to continue his antics with the girl on the dancefloor (possibly because he already had a girlfriend)has taken a change in decision and decided to give into the girls temptation and cheat on his missus. the girl being a creature with some sort of alluring power.

"And the secret door swings behind us She's saying nothing She's just giggling along

Even if they were to find us I wouldn't notice I'm completely occupied"

this is where the secret door/the cheating on his gf is trying to be hidden. maybe the secret door is him trying to shut away his guilt. hes told the girl about his relationship but shes saying nothing and is giggiling along. At the point in time he is with the girl even if friends were to find out he wouldnt notice because he is completely occupied with the fun he is having in the moment

"As all the fools on parade Cavort and carry on for waiting eyes One you would rather be beside Than in front of But she's never been the kind To be hollowed by the stares'

the fools on parade is now made clear that its about drunk people having a good/crazy night out on the dancefloor as they cavort and carry on infront of waiting eyes (the rest of the general public) but the mystery girl has never been one to been bothered by the stares of those juding her.

"Fools on parade Frolic and fuck about To make her gauge Turn to a scribble on a page By a picture that holds her absence But you're daft to think she'd care"

this last part really gives it away that alex is cheating. her guage is the gir eyeing alex off at the beginning, writing her number down on a piece of paper and handing it to alex who places it in his wallet beside a picture of his girlfriend but youd be daft to think the girl trying to pick up alex cares about that.

and thats the great thing about alex turners songwritng.. everything he writes is left open to each persons own understanding of the lyrics... we all love him

@sex_pistols_69 "To make her gauge; Turn to a scribble on a page" makes me think of a lie detector when thinking about the song in your interpretation. The gauge is her nervousness being recorded as a scribble on a page.