Matt Shadows their lead singer says the song was written as per request from the developers of Call of Duty: Black Ops 4. Watching the initial trailers for the game & looking at production sketches reminded him of the 'S-Town' podcast & its main protagonist, John B. McLemore. Matt also comments specifically on the lyrics: "I decided that the lyrics would shadow McLemore's life." In 2012, antiquarian horologist John B. McLemore sent an email to the staff of the show 'This American Life' asking them to investigate an alleged murder in his hometown of Woodstock, Alabama, a place McLemore claimed to despise. After a year of exchanging emails & several months of conversation with McLemore, producer Brian Reed traveled to Woodstock to investigate. Reed investigated the crime & eventually found that no such murder took place, though he struck up a friendship with the depressed but colorful character of McLemore. He recorded conversations with McLemore & other people in Woodstock. McLemore killed himself by drinking potassium cyanide on June 22, 2015 while the podcast was still in production. In the narrative of the podcast, this occurs at the end of the second episode; subsequent episodes deal with the fallout from McLemore's death while exploring more of McLemore's life & character.
I've been looking for a lover
She's not like you; she's not my mother
Day & night I'm thinking of her
I keep it on the downlow so you won't discover
I'm not happy
I've been lying to you
All these things I've
Been meaning to tell you
but I'm scared - afraid you'll leave me alone again
and I'm scared - I've realized I may be wrong again
You believe there's no one better
That we're meant to be together
Now I know, don't need another
You had better know that I know better, now that
You know I've been lying to you
All these things I've
Been meaning to tell you
Are in the open
So do what you will
I've made some mistakes
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry.
She's not like you; she's not my mother
Day & night I'm thinking of her
I keep it on the downlow so you won't discover
I'm not happy
I've been lying to you
All these things I've
Been meaning to tell you
but I'm scared - afraid you'll leave me alone again
and I'm scared - I've realized I may be wrong again
You believe there's no one better
That we're meant to be together
Now I know, don't need another
You had better know that I know better, now that
You know I've been lying to you
All these things I've
Been meaning to tell you
Are in the open
So do what you will
I've made some mistakes
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry.
Lyrics submitted by theartistsleisure
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